Imvu is all about relationships. I say its a secret because there’s nothing that tells you that in the instructions or their materials. But this really is clearly about relationships. It’s built on emotion. It’s not a game any more than Match or Facebook is. If you had to describe it, it’d be more of a social network. It’s definitely extremely social.
Every relationship in IMVU just like in life, is different and its own mixture of friendship, lust, and love. There are several different types of relationships in IMVU and endless variations but they are all relationships. The principles of life and real life apply here and they grow stronger and stronger every day. It takes consistent contact and shared emotions.
Relationships here are essentially the accumulation of all the experiences and emotions you’ve shared together. Passion is very intense emotion and certainly can cement a relationship. When you feel like things are a little off the best thing to do is pour on the passion, if that’s part of your relationship. But don’t forget all of the other emotional things too. Whatever you do, open up and share your emotions.
Even virtual passion is definitely more powerful and more real with the one you love the most. It strengthens the relationship and is important to it. You can create a great variety even with the same person by changing rooms and costumes very easily. Even someone else that’s technically as good wouldn’t know me, what sets me off, and wouldn’t be able to reach right into my heart and make me explode the way my lover does. I could be perfectly happy being just with the one that I love the most, if they were always available but that can be hard to maintain.
That’s why one of the issues with having a relationship here is that we all have different and varying hours and schedules. If you and your partner were only on at the exact same hours, it would minimize any need for outside passion. Unfortunately though life here doesn’t seem to work that way and schedules don’t ever seem to mesh perfectly.
Even when they do seem to for a while, Murphy’s law kicks in and life often changes and our availability changes. One of the hardest things that can happen to you, is to be in love with somebody that you csee less and less of. Trust me I’ve been there. Breakup or divorce by lack of contact does happen and hurts almost as much an explosion. It’s just more spread out.
On the other hand, there is definitely some benefit to waiting for them too. That’s why I feel like something in the middle works for me. Instead of focusing or thinking about it as exclusivity (which is limiting) or not exclusivity, think about it more as making your partner your priority, and doing everything possible to constantly reinforce that and show that you love your partner every way that you can! As long as you keep doing that and focus on that, you will have a great growing empowering loving relationship.
It seems obvious to me that having one highest priority partner is the best and can be totally amazing. But it’s also helpful to have some other good friends in imvu that you can share some passion with but which understand your priorities. Beyond that its also important to have great solid supportive friends that you are super close to but not overly physical. (I say overly because cuddling and even flirting is nice and strengthens the connections).
This isn’t easy and definitely takes a lot of balancing. This is also very personal and only my opinion of course and I there really isn’t a right answer about this for everyone. The best solution for you in this is probably also going to change over time. There are also a lot of great relationships that are probably very different. So as usual this is just one crazy girls opinions at the time. I reserve the right to change them and disagree even with myself sometimes too.
I wrote once before what I was looking for but thought I should expand on that. This isn’t just me, but some things girls in general look for. Someone that shows affection and appreciation. There are lots of ways to do this. I’m not a gift hound but some really respond big time to that. I like sexy or exciting messages. Role play opening messages are the best.
Someone that writes often, and talks well. Silence is golden and that’s fine sometimes but being more expressive is the biggest thing to me. Don’t just stop talking! I love someone that pushes me and makes me feel sexy or seduces me.
The person that’s persistent and committed in imvu. A lot of people take not being available as a sign I’m not interested but its really just that I’m busy. Sure at some point you have to move on but err on the side of patience if you can.
The person that’s available at the right time. If someone was available at 11 pm one day, try again at that time the next day. If it was a weekend try them again the following weekend. Consistency is important in a relationship.
Someone that invites and or writes sexy notes. I have too many people on my friends list so I start with my messages and missed invites to see who I should talk to. Don’t invite too fast when someone comes on because they may not have loaded or may need a mi ute but you can write right away.
When you write its ok sometimes to just say a quick Hi! How are you? But sometimes write something clever or exciting. (Save a file or document of great messages you’ve used). Also try to send messages from your webpage which you access at Imvu.com when you’re notable to get on for a while. Part of building a relationship is staying on the top of someone’s mind.
Someone that seems to really care (loves?) is VERY attractive as long as its in here and sounding like it goes into real life. That may not be much of a concern for some people but to me being married, that’s cheating and could very easily be the end of this whole thing. So I love real passion in here but it has to very safe too.
The biggest thing about who I go out with and see repeatedly is who makes it exciting and makes me feel really sexy and wanted. If you shut up and don’t make me feel sexy I’ll probably keep going and carry it but I won’t look for you again any time soon. If you make it awesome I’ll look for you and do my best to curl your toes and make you scream (with me).
My son had a book to read yesterday (How Full is Your Bucket, by Tom Rath and Mary Reckmeyer, video below), that was so neat I kind of wanted to just retype the whole thing for the site. It’s not about IMVU of course but it definitely applies a lot. I guess a lot of life principles apply here. It’s just easier to see things in here sometimes.
The point of the book was that we all have a bucket that we use for our good feelings. And we are either filling each others buckets or we are emptying their bucket. We can’t fill our own buckets but we can fill other people’s buckets. If we always fill the buckets of the people around us, we will get our own bucket filled in the process. And taking something out of someone else’s bucket does NOT add it to ours.
It was cute but it made me think of here for some reason. When we start here we think its just a fun sexy game or something. But along the way as we start to connect with our avi and connect with friends we learn to let our walls down and our heart out and it almost takes on a life of its own. And the principle we kind of know for life seem to work even more clearly in this clutter free virtual world.
So even though you can do or be anything you want in imvu, you’ll probably find that being a better version of yourself is much more rewarding . I don’t mean better in terms of morals but I mean better in how you treat others. Karma definitely applies here and in the end whatever you give out is what you’ll get back.
Love everyone with all your heart. Don’t play games, just fill buckets and you’ll soon find that your own bucket is more than overflowing. One of the neat things I think I’ve learned here is to just pour out love and share easily. Sure, pixels are initially attractive, but what really makes you attractive in IMVU his your heart. As long as you keep filling buckets and sharing with the people around you will be loved and have the time of your life in imvu!
I don’t mean it necessarily in a bad way, but even when everyone is pulling in the same direction you still have so many personalities and relationships and characters twisting and growing and sharing together that it is NEVER boring. It’s so funny, because even between two people that love each other very deeply, it’s still interesting to watch how they twist and playoff of each other sometimes.
Katy has often said that a certain amount of twinging is necessary. I guess I wrote recently the same thing in a different way, that we all have drama, meaning ups and downs in IMVU. Sometimes it’s more like swings from side to side rather than ups and downs. Sometimes it’s loops and spirals. It’s all more than a little crazy but I wouldn’t change a bit of it. It all takes energy but it’s part of being real and it definitely makes things
I dislike imvu drama like most people. But when you have relationships with real people it doesn’t feel real unless you share some of the ups and downs too. You don’t have much drama when you just wander through rooms and just meet new people randomly all the time. The more you open yourself up and connect with people the more at risk for drama you become.
Life is a struggle, we all have ups and downs in real life. Unfortunately the only way to avoid the downs is simply not to go up. I know that sounds a little silly and may be overly simplifying it, but it’s the truth. Falling in love requires opening yourself up and tearing down walls which also makes you vulnerable.
Enjoy the ups, there are actually more positive things about imvu drama than negative things though the bad things can be extremely intense. Sometimes we have to step back and get some space. Take a longer-term view and don’t react or beat yourself up too badly or let anyone else.
If this feels like a roller coaster too much get off and take a break, or just go back to the bunny slope. The bunny slope is just the things you used to do earlier when you first got here. Maybe it’s shopping, or maybe it’s making some new unrelated friends or just hanging out with people who are safe and you don’t have any issues with.
I know it’s hard to stay on track when everything is falling down around you and even the smallest thing can really mess you up. Just try to remember that it’s only temporary and don’t overreact and it will get better.
That’s a line from the movie, La Femme Nikita, but it’s also important to remember in here too. Sometimes no matter how close you are, no matter how in love you are in here, little things can come up. And it’s amazing how such a tiny little thing can change or affect your mindset. Maybe it’s because this is so much more emotional and in your head, that even a small attitude change can sometimes change your feelings and affect your relationships in here more than you realize.
I know little things start big fights even in real life, I understand that. But I kind of think that little things can somehow cause more damage in a virtual relationship then real life. Maybe it’s because a real-life relationship has more momentum, more baggage, more dependency and routine to it, and that makes it more consistent, even if it’s not as much fun sometimes.
So what do you do or how do you handle these little bumps that come along and keep them from getting you off track? The answer is Communication, Openness, and Love! (though not necessarily in that order) I don’t just mean that in general, they are really the answer, along with just taking a deep breath sometimes.
The point is though that you have to be more careful in here, because these little things can disrupt and hurt even the best relationship more in here then they do even in real life. And ironically, sometimes the strength of the relationship is what makes you susceptible to disruption if it comes from the person you have your walls down to.
Also realize that, sometimes the little ripples give you a great chance to prove yourself, and strengthen your relationship too! A relationship is in many ways the sum of all the emotions you shared, and sometimes sharing this type of emotion and being there for each other definitely does make you stronger.
So remember, love them totally. Communicate and be honest about how you feel, listen a lot and focus on their intentions. Focus more on the bigger picture and love even more! We all make mistakes or just say or do the wrong thing sometimes. Sometimes things just come out wrong. These things are going to happen. But when you both want the same thing, being open sharing and loving your way through things is what makes this so real, so intense, and so special!
When it’s really important with someone… sometimes it’s better to wait! In here it’s literally all in your head. That means it’s literally as powerful and important as you make it. So sometimes a little bit of extra time and effort, especially for your first time with someone important can make a huge impact.
That doesn’t mean it’s not exciting to get swept away with something spontaneous. I definitely enjoy that a lot too. But sometimes when it’s really important like someone you’ve known for a long time, having to wait and let it build up a little bit longer, making you both a little bit crazy, can make for awesome fireworks!
It’s important at this point, when you have to put it off, to write a very good note explaining how much they mean and how you’re looking forward to finally being able to spend more time together. Again because so much of this is mental, and in your head, building up a little bit extra emotion and excitement only adds to the intensity.
It’s also nice if you can plan a special date. Calling it a date in here also makes it a little bit more special. We tend to have a lot of different random encounters but most people don’t get a “date” very often. So try to schedule this final one in advance and even send them something special to wear with a note about how much you’re looking forward to it. You aren’t going to do this with everybody obviously, but when it’s important and you want to make that amazing first impression it’s the build up and the little things that make all the difference.
First we have to start with the understanding that an online only relationship is NOT cheating. If you define cheating as watching porn or a sexy movie or fantasizing about somebody you meet, then almost everything is cheating. So for the purpose of this point, let’s define cheating as sexual physical contact. (If you think just thinking something sexy is the same as doing it, then everyone’s cheating and this whole discussion is pointless and you might be perfect but you may also be very lonely.)
I searched on the internet and found an article in Psychology Today that listed the following eight most common reasons given why people cheat. It was based on a survey conducted on an online dating site. I think I fall into numbers 4, 2, 8 and 1 (in that order of priority).
1. Lack of sexual satisfaction in your primary relationship. (This was the most common reason cited by individuals in their study.)
2. Desire for additional sexual encounters.
3. Lack of emotional satisfaction in your primary relationship.
4. Wanting emotional validation from someone else.
5. Falling out of love with your partner.
6. Falling in love with someone new.
7. Wanting to seek revenge.
8. You’re curious and want new experiences.
I would say that IMVU or a virtual relationship like this can help address at least six out of these eight issues. I don’t think these things necessarily make you cheat because we all have some of these things at times. I recognize and felt several of them, but have never had any real desire or inclination to cheat. But I do think that if there’s a safe way to address these issues without risking or hurting anything it certainly could say that it may reduce real life cheating.
So even if you can’t say IMVU actually reduces cheating it certainly is a good way to address some of the issues that can lead to cheating. The down side is that if you cross over into real life, it suddenly turns into cheating and can lead to serious real life issues and hurt your relationship.
I listen to the discussions on the radio here in NY about Anthony’s Weiner new scandal and they’re debating if a virtual encounter is the same thing as a real life one. I know they don’t actually care, they just want to get people talking and stir things up. But Weiner’s affair clearly wasn’t just virtual. It crossed over into real life. It isn’t actually the virtual part that they talk about either it’s the real life part. It’s texting and pictures and phone calls.
Sending pictures texting and phone calls are things that you do in a real-life relationship. They aren’t things that you do in a virtual relationship. They also require sharing your true identity. A virtual relationship is different because you don’t share your identity. That gives you more freedom And allows you to stay focused on things inside that you don’t see on the surface.
If you have a virtual relationship and you start to share things outside of that virtual relationship, such as pictures and phone calls, then it is no longer just a virtual relationship and has crossed the line and is becoming a “real” relationship. To me, that’s when it crosses the line from a virtual relationship which isn’t hurting your real life into a real relationship and becomes cheating.
If Anthony Weiner’s relationship was really just a virtual relationship and he hadn’t sent pictures or texted or phone calls then he wouldn’t be in this situation he’s in right now. So to me, it becomes a serious problem when you cross over. The moral of the story is, be very careful about crossing over into real life because you don’t want to end up turning into a Wiener
If you had a bad day or your partner did, push their buttons. If you feel distant or like something is missing, take them on a sexy adventure. Be bolder or more passionate or aggressive than you usually are. You might be surprised how much better everything feels when you kick it up a notch or two.
Oh and here’s another sexy secret. If you don’t usually push much, pushing and saying how much you need them is even more exciting. Whisper in their ear not just that you need them but graphically what you want to do to them. If you don’t usually do this, try it.
You can create the same feeling you get from having sex and get them super excited by describing it as if you were doing it under the guise of saying what you want or what you’re going to do to them. This is one of the sexiest forms of teasing. Try it next time you’re whispering!
You’re never more than a click or two away from another room or other friends in here. So the only way to hold onto anyone here is to love them more than anyone else. You can get promises and even chains and cages (which can be kind of fun, by the way) but the freedom and ease of meeting people in here makes it impossible to hold onto anyone that doesn’t want to be held. So the trick is to make them WANT to be held.
So the question becomes what would make them want to stay. In real life stay together because they don’t have many choices, because of kids, because of the expense of leaving or breaking up, because of the stigma of divorce, or because of their physical needs. Obviously none of these things are true in here. So how do you hold onto people who are constantly seeing supermodels wanting to spend time with them?
I think there’s only one thing strong enough to hold, really hold someone here and that’s LOVE! Emotions in here can be very intense (VERY intense) and none is stronger than Love. The only way you can keep anyone in here is to love them with all your heart and in every way. I’ve written posts about how to make someone feel loved and I’m sure you can figure out a few things of your own too.