There was a stabbing and shooting spree recently in Santa Barbara California, where the perpetrator blamed everyone else having more fun (and sex) than him and it made me think about IMVU. In some ways I wish he had gone on here, but even here I think we all feel kind of like this sometimes, like everyone else is having way more fun than me. We compare our down points to other people’s high points and don’t see the parts in between. We don’t see how real life, timing and technical issues gets in the way for other people too.
You probably look at my website and my pictures and assume that it’s ALWAYS like that. I don’t show pictures or talk about how life gets in the way sometimes, but it does. I don’t know when someone is coming home so I don’t do much and then kick myself afterwards when they’re gone all afternoon.
Someone wrote a comment today that it’s all just sex! Sometimes I wish that were true. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve declined invites saying I’m already talking to someone and they probably assume that it’s something sexy, and it’s not.
At the same time though the UP times wouldn’t be as high up if we didn’t have “in between” things and times. The realness of the relationships also requires a lot of other types of connecting but that makes the passion even more powerful. Don’t seek out drama and issues but don’t avoid them either. Share all of the ups and downs and it will be even more exciting in the end.
Don’t worry, you’re not the only one that sometimes doesn’t end up getting all the excitement you were hoping for. It happens sometimes to all of us, and you have to be able to roll with it a little bit. Sometimes people have to leave quickly or have technical issues and you can’t get too frustrated at it. Murphy’s Law, and Life both happen in here too.
As I get ready for Thanksgiving I know we’re all real busy with the holidays, but I also have to apologize. My time has already been getting shorter and shorter for the past month or two but I’ll be extremely busy with some pretty big work things in real life for the next month. I’ve kind of dreaded and avoided the reality of the things coming up in real life for several months because I knew IMVU would have to go or suffer for a while. So I’m apologizing ahead of time.
Hopefully by or a little after Christmas things will get a little easier. But in the mean time it’s not you, it’s me! I’ve already kind of slowed down on my posting for the past couple months. I’ll try to continue to do some here or there but this is one of the things I’ve had to adjust. I’ll still try to be on most nights for a while but that’s mostly with family, because even if I have to play a lot less, I can’t live without my friends and family. I may end up getting on later and having to head to bed at a more reasonable time. I wanted to tell you because if you don’t see me around as much and when I am, I’m not available as much, it’s honestly not because I don’t want to talk with you, but unfortunately I probably can’t. I wanted to say it here so you knew it wasn’t just something I was telling you.
Do NOT worry about me though, because I’m definitely NOT going anywhere. I love my life and friends here but sometimes we have to do what we have to do, and real life sometimes does get in the way. We all have seasons and things change, but Imvu is flexible and it’s never been better for me.
I talk a lot about the good things in IMVU but what are the downsides? First and foremost, the biggest downside for many people is that it sucks up so much time. It’s a great feeling and a lot of fun when it’s going well and it’s easy to let that suck up more time then you probably should.
The next downside is probably more painful. That’s the intensity, especially when things go wrong. Things happen very fast in here, and when they go wrong it can often be even faster and more intense then real life.
Another thing you have to watch out for is assuming this is more than it really is. This isn’t real life and although it’s exciting to imagine it as real it’s a danger and not something to be tried lightly. I think there’s also a danger, especially for young people to take the things and lessons and attitudes from here and let them spill over into their real life.
No discussion of the downside could be complete without talking about the Darkside. IMVU Definitely has a dark side. There are a lot of really bad people and anonymity seems to empower them. There are child molesters and people that you would never want your children anywhere near. The freedom here is fun but it can also be dangerous if you aren’t careful too. The corporate attitude also tends to be anti user at times.
All that being said it can definitely be the most exciting and amazing thing ever. So watch out for the downsides but go for it.
We all have a real life and different schedules. This probably isn’t really a big lesson but a tip to catch me. Even if you see me on for a little bit, inviting me after school or at dinner time is very hit or miss, and isn’t as likely to be a good time to talk. I tend to sneak on sometimes if it’s quiet but I can’t really talk very much when have kids around. I sometimes have some time in the late mornings but the best time to try me is after my husband and kids are in bed after midnight. The best time to catch me is midnight to 130am (EST) before we’re dancing in Gabby’s Jazz club or a little after 3am or so when that breaks up. I try to leave my location on when I’m in the club with my friends so friends can see or in some cases come and say hello.
Also please don’t take a decline as a snub. I try not to double chat and would decline most people when I’m already talking with someone. I always think of it as a compliment to be invited though and try to answer or reply if I can. I’m often pulled in several directions so it’s not easy to keep up with everything. I have great connections and relationships which are important to me which doesn’t mean that I can’t or don’t meet new people but it does require a little more persistence to move from acquaintance into a good friend.
Sometimes it’s difficult to find the right balance in IMVU, especially when your pressure at work increases. Sometimes it gets hard to keep up and IMVU and real life don’t always mix well. We all have a life and sometimes life just gets in the way or your fun, making it hard to even keep in touch with my best friends in this crazy virtual world.
I have to admit that I’ve spent a lot of time on DND or AWAY mode the last few weeks because I usually try to spend as much time I can in “our” public dream room. It’s kind of been my home away from home lately. I just love how the room relaxes me during this stressful and hectic period in real life. Even if I can’t always be “physically or mentally” present it is so soothing –lol-. Do not hesitate to just came in once in a while for just a simple hello or even a snuggle in. Something I really miss lately!!
This all has made me think of how it might be when I turn my back at this virtual world for a while or even leave IMVU for a period! Would anyone really miss me or would there be anyone who even thinks of that crazy girl from the Netherlands?
I still try to send some messages to various friends and sometimes even a story with several episodes. This isn’t always easy because English isn’t my native language and sometimes I need to use a translator to find the right words. Do not hesitate to dive into your pen…or I guess your keyboard. Make up a story, send a message or reply at something someone else send you. I feel the magic of a smile when someone reads something I wrote. I always smile when I send that new message knowing how it helps keep us close.
I can never leave IMVU for several reasons. I know down to the bottom of my heart that I’ve found the most beautiful true love and this is something I couldn’t even dare to dream about for a long time. The feeling of being in love is something magical than I can’t even find words for. And the friendships that I’ve built within this virtual world of IMVU with the most special people. That’s why even though it’s hard, life gets in the way for all of us, it’s important to have this sanctuary, filled with friends and love supporting and caring about you. So send messages and keep in touch even through the busy times. Send that smile and feel the magic of connecting because your friends need it as much as you do!!
IMVU time seems to go by even faster than dog years. Dog years are about 7to 1 but IMVU years are about 10 to 1 or maybe even 12 to 1. I’m not sure if that’s because of the amount of activities you can do or the amount or intensity of the interaction but everyone feels it.
If you’re here for a while and miss a month it feels almost like a year. That can be really rough on relationships. If you’re away for two weeks It’ll feel like six months. That’s long enough to fall in love and even get married if you wanted to.
I think the point is if you’re going to be away for a while stay in touch. Send messages or email because it feels longer in here. On the other side of the coin there are some people that I may not see for months and as soon as they walk into a room I feel the same heart felt connection.
Maybe the point is that time or even relationships are a little different in here. My two year anniversary is this week and in some ways it does seem like it’s been close to 20 years. Yes I’m addicted and I love being a part of this and most of all the amazing people I’m close to here.
One of the neat things about IMVU is the worldwide nature of it. Geography doesn’t matter very much in cyber space but the time differences can be a factor when you have dear friends from all over the world. As an example, I come from the Netherlands. Within Europe, we don’t have to deal a lot with time differences, sometimes an hour ahead or an hour back. But many of my friends on here are in America and the time differences can amount to 6, 7, 8, or even 9 hours which makes a difference.
Often I can only see my friends when I really need to go to bed or when I just wake up. Between Kait and I for example, there’s a difference of 6 hours. Fortunately she doesn’t sleep and I can often see her when I wake up. The funniest thing is when they ask how my evening or night is or they say good night when I just opened my eyes after a deep sleep (and hopefully a very nice and beautiful dreams). The good side of that is that no matter when I go on, there are almost always a number of good friends available to talk to.
With friends at a distance you may have to work harder to adjust and find common time and you should definitely write more notes. This may be just a few words to include “I Love You”, a complete story in which you write something about yourself or what you have experienced that day. Write a fun or a sexy story or just simple a poem or some poetry. Try to leave something of yourself in the message so that when you do see each other once again you’ll have some things to talk about together. Messages are timeless and will always read when the other person logs on or check their e-mails messages and are often saved. Even a short note will also show in their inbox if you’re online and will often encourage them to invite or respond.
Love knows no boundaries and one of the neat things about IMVU is the way you get to know people in other parts of the world and other cultures that you never would have been able to before. The friendships you make all add up and create an amazing network connecting and shrinking the world like never before. None of my real life friends have the friends all around the world that I do and it’s very special.
Wendy wrote this and I was looking for a picture to put with it and thought of this song. I was going to put embed a youtube video of this and then realized I had so many pictures and video clips I should probably put together a video for her. This is just a small glimpse into the fun and love we’ve shared. Thank you so much Wendy!!
Also on YouTube at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpGpGfhlFuE
Please like and Fav it there if you can.
A new friend (Girl7770) made an important point the other day, about setting ground rules. There are so many different types of relationships in here and a much wider broader range of what’s acceptable than anything in real life. You’ll want to make sure you are compatible in several areas, such as whether you could ever take anything off of here and have real life potential, the level of communication, both in terms of the amount of time and what things if any beyond IMVU would be acceptable. Time zones and the amount of time and times of day you intend to commit are considerations, because there’s nothing harder than being committed to someone that’s not around or is only available at a time you can’t be here.
The other big area that you need to make sure you’re on the same page with is your exclusivity. First of all, this isn’t real life and seeing other people here may not be cheating at all, and in any case isn’t really the same thing as doing it in real life. Exclusivity goes against the grain of IMVU. It’s not that it’s impossible but it’s harder to do in here than real life. It’s like limiting yourself to one ride in Disney World. There is temptation around every corner. Also be aware that your partner probably needs some time away with other friends, to be really healthy and happy too.
There are a variety of ways that people handle it. Some couples make a list of acceptable partners that the other can play with, or a list they can’t play with. Some say it’s OK to do when the other is on and some say only when the other is off. Some people limit themselves to no orgasm, no penetration, or just about any variation you can dream up, someone is probably doing that. The point is that you have to understand what your expectations and behavior should be. This should certainly be a much bigger post with a better break down and maybe even a survey too.
The trick to making a relationship work here (as in real life) is communication. Also realize that things change and evolve in here so this may be something you’ll have to revisit. And if your partner’s doing something that’s not comfortable for you, you have to talk about it. To keep it bottled up until it blows up is even worse. And please don’t attack them for breaking the rules if they don’t know them. From personal experience that is really not fair. Relationships are what this place is all about and can be absolutely awesome, but they require even more communication than they do in real life.
Don’t share your whole life story with someone or ask to chat on a webcam or phone the first time you talk to someone. It makes you seem superficial and pushy. Build up a relationship with someone first and you’ll both be ready to take it to the next level or have more reason too. Just because you think she looks good on the computer isn’t enough reason to ask for a real life show. It’s very easy for someone to click away and block you when they just meet you.
Intensity can also be great and exciting but it’s also a little scary. You can’t rush to intensity quickly or it can very easily scare your partner. So sometimes just like in real life, you have to reveal things over time. Enjoy the journey and don’t rush through that new relationship stage. This is especially true for people who aren’t single in RL.
The differences in time availability can be a big issue for virtual relationships. The hardest thing can be the silence or just waiting and not knowing when your partner will come on. So like everything you have to communicate about it. It’s also important to find people with similar time availability, because it’s very hard when one person has several hours every day and their partner only has a couple days per week. So make sure you’re compatible not only in the amount of time you have but the time of day that you like to come on too.