We often worry about not letting imvu interfere with rl but a good friend of mine thought imvu helped her do better with her rl relationships by making her more open and communicative. How true! Here are some ways recently that I thought about on a recent trip to the Carribean:
1) Communication is key – to everything… Too often we hide what we really mean, sometimes to protect the other person’s feelings. But at least in my book, more communication is always better.
2) Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want…. I have this problem that I don’t like asking for things. I don’t want to impose. I think of that Mel Gibson movie, What Women Want, where it takes a man getting magical powers (from a toaster of all places) to read women’s thoughts, to make them happy because girls often don’t say. So like #1, communicate. (I’m embarrassed to admit what I learned to ask for that made me think of this. But feel free to ask. It was totally only something that I got used to asking for on imvu before I was able to ask for it in rl.)
3) Be sexually adventurous. Imvu gives you so many ways to push boundaries. Explore in a safe environment. Last month, in our little island trip, we had a little bungalow, with a private pool on the deck (basically a glorified bath tub but still), it was hidden by trees but still public and I did things I would never have imagined myself doing just a couple years ago.
4) Be aware of other’s feelings, validate them before stating your own– I mean, this is not just an imvu thing. A friend of mine who has been separated from her husband for like 4 years but still trying to make things work, said that was the biggest thing she learned from counseling. That in a fight, before you make your own point, its important to validate the feelings of the other person. That was the best piece of advice I got from my brother’s ex-‘s mother who was a life coach years ago, but imvu has given me lots of practice. In a fight, we worry so much about our own point of view, because we just want to be heard. So one good way to calm the tension is to make sure the other person knows they are heard. Tell them you get it. That’s usually all any of us want.
I dislike imvu drama like most people. But when you have relationships with real people it doesn’t feel real unless you share some of the ups and downs too. You don’t have much drama when you just wander through rooms and just meet new people randomly all the time. The more you open yourself up and connect with people the more at risk for drama you become.
Life is a struggle, we all have ups and downs in real life. Unfortunately the only way to avoid the downs is simply not to go up. I know that sounds a little silly and may be overly simplifying it, but it’s the truth. Falling in love requires opening yourself up and tearing down walls which also makes you vulnerable.
Enjoy the ups, there are actually more positive things about imvu drama than negative things though the bad things can be extremely intense. Sometimes we have to step back and get some space. Take a longer-term view and don’t react or beat yourself up too badly or let anyone else.
If this feels like a roller coaster too much get off and take a break, or just go back to the bunny slope. The bunny slope is just the things you used to do earlier when you first got here. Maybe it’s shopping, or maybe it’s making some new unrelated friends or just hanging out with people who are safe and you don’t have any issues with.
I know it’s hard to stay on track when everything is falling down around you and even the smallest thing can really mess you up. Just try to remember that it’s only temporary and don’t overreact and it will get better.
One of the worst things in here is jealousy. It will eat you and your relationships up. So what do you do when you feel that? One thing I learned from Susan is to use that. If you feel jealous of someone, get to know them.
It’s harder to be jealous and upset about someone that you know and is your friend. You may find that instead of being hurt you wind up making a great friend. If your partner likes them there’s a good chance you will too.
It’s also important to be friends and close to the people that are important to your partner. It adds strength and stability to your relationship. And your relationship is the most important thing you have here. So treat it like that.
The exception to this is if the other person requires exclusivity and is therefore pulling him or her away from you. If someone does this they are only going to hurt somebody probably very badly, whether it’s themselves, or you or the person in between, or probably all of the above. And not wanting your partner to go with someone that requires exclusivity, isn’t jealousy actually, it’s really just not wanting to lose them.
This is one reason why I really like to see friends that I know already more than just random people which I don’t do as much anymore. It’s not that I don’t like meeting new people, I do. But it’s easier to connect and feel something more with someone you have been close to before then it is to start from scratch.
Conditioning could also be another explanation why each relationship tends to be even more exciting and fun than previous relationships, at least in general. I definitely think that’s why its also so easy to have a great time with someone you care about and why there’s a momentum to a relationship. Some people just seem to reach right into me and grab me by the heart, and I love that.
We get more and more conditioned to open our hearts and learn to let go more and more easily, the more good relationships you have and the more passionate things you share. On the other hand, if you have bad experiences, you tend to get more and more conditioned to have bad experiences. So it spirals and builds on itself. But it can work both ways. So don’t get jaded, find your own passion rut.
I was thinking a lot about family here and in real life while I was away recently. We don’t have a choice who our real life family is. Your real-life family is important because you only get one and you know you can count on your family. There’s something very lasting and important about that.
Your virtual family kind of feels similar in terms of importance in its own way, but is much more of a choice. It’s literally family by choice. You become a family when your friendship grows to that point that there’s no other way to describe it. I tend to be able to share more heartfelt emotional things with my virtual family.
Real family is important for your real life and your virtual family is just as important to your virtual life. They are both special. Real life family is special because its permanent. Virtual family is special because its by choice.
I tend to be able to share a lot with family in here but I also try to be more careful in some ways with them too. There are reasons why we don’t mess around in your real family just like there are in here. I Love my virtual family in a very pure kind of way.
One of my best friends, says this all the time. It’s going to get better and better from here. And I didn’t believe her at first because it was already amazing, but honestly it really does seem to keep getting better and better. I was trying to think about that and understand why that is.
Most of us go through the Random sex stage. But as fun as that seems at the time we tend to go back to the one that seemed really good. Then we realize that as exciting as the new person and spontaneous situation can feel, sharing the passion with someone you really care about is much more intense.
So it’s easy to understand that it gets better as you move from the random stage as youo move into a relationship. But why does it seem to get better and better even in the relationship stage?I think the answer is that the more you share, the more connected you are, the more powerful it gets, and therefore the more you share and then connected you become. And so forth and so on. This spiraling, as you get to know someone, opening up and learning the turn ons if your partner, is awesome. Sure we tend to get blind, and we do fill in the blanks of the other person with what we want to see. But this is one of the most amazing things you will experience in here and it’s so addictive.
How could you not want to come here and have that kind of love and experience? And along the way, I think we also tend to get trained, to see someone and connect the feelings you’ve had with them before. I see my lover and suddenly all the passion we’ve shared wants to come flooding back in. I feel like pavlov’s dog, seeing my love and bells start ringing in my head! Except it’s not my mouth that starts watering. giggle giggle…
Katy said it, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized how true it was. “Imvu completes me.” It’s amazingly flexible and can be anything you want, whatever you need in your life. It’s the chance to do what you have had a chance to do when you were young. It can be supportive. It can be your social life. It could just be an outlietIt’s the place to experiment and try things you’d never be able to do in real life. You’ll make friends, go to all kinds of places, and do anything and everything you can imagine.
Another special friend put it another way. She said, “It’s funny how this place makes you think about things or realize you have been missing things that you didn’t even know existed in that part of you.” It can complete your life even if you didn’t know you were missing anything!
We all come from different places and points in our lives. We may or may not even know what we’re looking for and it’s different for everyone. But if you stay here long enough, and really open up, you might just find what you didn’t even know you were looking for. I came here because I wanted to feel sexy, but one of the things I didn’t really realize I was also looking for was a sense of belonging. I have a lot of sexy fun but it’s the friendships that matter the most.
Try new things, build relationships and have fun with it. Hopefully you’ll find what you’re looking for too.
OK, maybe we ALL don’t come for the sex but most people probably do to varying degrees. I don’t mean to over generalize or say that’s why everyone comes here. Some people don’t go beyond that too. But the real value here is the people, the relationships, the Love. This probably seems obvious to a lot of us in here, but almost nobody outside of IMVU sees how much is really going on in here.
I think maybe I was ultimately what I was looking for this deeper side, but just didn’t realize it. I thought I came here because I wanted to feel sexy again. Maybe it’s because I could understand how this could make you feel sexy, but who would ever believe you could feel this truly loved and get such a feeling of friendship and belonging from a computer.
The truth is though that you can and if you stay here long enough, and really get into this you probably will too. It’s obviously hard to predict even what you’ll be doing here from one hour to the next but as you learn to open up, you will have the most amazing journey. You’ll have ups and downs at times, but opening up and loving is the most rewarding thing I’ve felt. In some ways I think that’s almost what what real life is about too. It’s just that there are so many more little issues in real life, it’s harder to see sometimes. Whatever it is, I wouldn’t trade it for anything!
This is a fictional place where people come for fun and to be anything they want. Suddenly being free of consequences or morality and making everyone look like porn stars does tend to make it feel like we’re in a pheromone factory. But that doesn’t mean you have to be bad.
I admit I’m at least as bad as most people. I kind of look at this as my midlife crisis. I’ve learned to let go and enjoy things here, which honestly wasn’t easy. But the point is that IMVU want an be anything you want it to be and doesn’t have to be about sex. Most people kind of like the sexy side to some degree so a lot of IMVU is aimed in that direction. But that doesn’t mean IMVU itself is about sex.
One of my very best friends ever in here is the perfect example. She’s engaged in real life to a prince charming and in here to the absolute sweetest girl ever. She makes this the most uplifting friend filled place ever. I love her fiancé and I love the way she lights up the room! I may be bad at times but IMVU is about relationships and friends like Stephanie. So the answer is no, we’re not all crazy sex addicts and even if we are, we’re not all the time.
Why does just the thought of someone I really love just make me tingle and feel like a little girl? I’m not a psychologist and there’s probably an easy answer for this one but it’s almost scary how someone I love and lust over can make me feel like I’m in heat as soon as they invite me or say they want me. I came here because I wanted to feel sexy but once someone you know makes that connection it’s like my body knows that they’re here for me. My dog gets that way when he smells ribs cooking in the oven because he knows he’s going to be getting the bones. I feel the same way like I know I’m going to get a bone! ~Giggles~
This is a great argument for staying with people you already know, as opposed to random hookups. The power and intensity of feeling real love, and a real bond with someone can be absolutely amazing. It’s like all the love and passion we’ve shared seems to flow right back, when I see some people.
It’s not that I never do random. I know some people don’t, but I kind of like the excitement of something new and different. Even though I have to admit that half the time all randoms do is end up making me appreciate the really great people and friends I’m already close to. Sure it’s exciting not knowing how a relationship will go and having new friends you’re still getting to know, still unfolding and getting close to. But nothing can compare to the special full heart connection when you’ve truly let down your walls and feel your lover in your heart. Yes this is written for people who’re still in the random sex stage.
Imvu is more than a game. It’s a very personal thing. Its a lot of fun on your own but if you really connect with someone or even a group of people you will find out one of the secrets of imvu. It’s a lot more fun as a team sport.
If you’re lucky and open your heart you may end up with a very powerful connection to the point of being able to truly put their needs ahead of your own. This is when it changes from something fun into something much more powerful. This isn’t a sign of weakness as it might seem at first but it’s actually a sign of strength.
When you have someone willing to put your needs ahead of theirs and you put their needs ahead of your own you wind up with a super powerful and rewarding combination. Most people have fun here and do it basically as an individual thing. But the real magic of imvu is the relationships and that feeling of heart felt connectedness.
A lot of people in here don’t realize how great and really intimate it can be just hanging out and laughing and sharing so many things with people you are that connected with. If you think about it we really don’t need much in here and the goal is basically to build and enjoy great relationships. And while you have to be careful who you partner with that’s kind of the goal in here, in many ways.
who are we? sister, sub, domme, pet, slave, mistress, partner, wife, fiancee, girlfriend, niece, auntie, twin sister, bff, miss, mom?
In the real world the words that define our relationships are a lot easier to figure out. Family is mostly defined by blood and legal contracts. But here in imvu, like in the Friends tv show, your family is who you choose.
So its tricky that we have so many words–sister, sub, domme, pet, slave, mistress, partner, wife, fiancee, girlfriend, niece, auntie, twin sister, bff, miss, mom–that all basically just means variations of really good friend, all of whom I love.
So why all the words? Sorting them out can be confusing especially to those who are new but for all of us. Just to complicate it further, things are always changing at internet speed in here, and honestly no two relationships are the same even with very similar people in the same situation and role.
When I started writing, I thought I would define what each of these words mean, but I decided its hopeless. The words mean whatever your heart tells them it means, and that may be different from one family to another.
But I think all the different words should be celebrated. People in my imvu Family are all important to me, just different roles, different parts of me, different parts of US. That weave together and make your tapestry of friends so beautiful and so unique. IMVU is in a lot of ways about relationships and one of the most exciting things about this world is the variety. Vive la difference.
You can only be so sexy by yourself but the right partner in here that lovingly pushes you and helps you explore your fantasies and pushes your limits a little, can be the most amazing thing. And I mean the most amazing thing in the land of amazing things (she says with a blissful smile and wistful tone in her voice).
Maybe some people are naturally more sexy. I was never really wild even when I was young and single. I go to church and was pretty much always a good girl and I have a good life. I came here to feel sexy again and feel like I found more than I could ever have asked for or even dreamed of. I didn’t realize this at first, because I tend to be very cautious with my friends, not wanting to mess around with people that I really care about the most, but I so love a partner that pushes me gently.
I guess it’s no surprise that the right partner can make you feel sexier, but it was an interesting realization to me. I love how the relationships and principles in here mirror real life so much, not because they are programmed that way, but because WE are programmed that way.
Yes, passion is great and I love that as much or more than anyone (hey no comments… giggles!) Maybe I’m weird though because I really do feel just as strong of a bond and as powerful and vivid emotions sometimes without it. Sometimes it’s good things like dancing and laughing with my closest friends or cuddling and confessing things between classes and work and kids.
Sometimes its sharing very painful things, being there for someone you really care about going through a really hard time in life. Maybe it’s a friend that was considering suicide, or painful real life breakup, or a parent passing away. Yes it’s been a tough week, a heart wrenching week in many ways. But I wouldn’t trade a minute of it.
Relationships are built on shared emotions and it may be painful to share some things, but that’s what IMVU is for, it’s for sharing. And that’s why it’s so good at building relationships. Sometimes it’s not easy and sometimes it’s the most beautiful amazing thing ever. It’s funny, in a way it does kind of point out why the bad times are actually a necessary part of life.
I can’t say how much I love being there for my amazing friends. I love sharing tears as much as screams. I guess life is kind of similar to the movie Monsters Inc. Tears are just as powerful as orgasms. Though imagining them trying to capture the power of an orgasm is kind of sexy (though I would have to use a password on this pose if I tried to show that!) Maybe that could be the sequel to Monsters Inc where they realize that orgasms are even more powerful than laughter, lol. RAWR!!!
Virtual relationships just like real life relationships have to be balanced. It’s a slow building process in real life. We take a step or two and want to make sure they’re at the same point. It can happen faster in here but you still have to make sure you’re on the same page as your partner or someone can get hurt. This is part of why taking your time can make it last longer.
It feels awesome when we are on the same page but it’s too easy sometimes to get swept away and fall too far to fast. It’s also hard to take a step backwards in a relationship. So don’t rush no matter how perfect it is. Protect your heart no matter how sure you feel. Things do tend to happen fast but there’s really no reason to rush.
The other part of balance is balancing IMVU itself. I’m probably not the best person to talk about this one, as I admit to spending too much time at times, especially if you include the time I put into the website. It’s easy to suck up all your free time, but I’m trying to go to the gym again and make sure real life is first, and then some. My kids make sure I have some balance to some degree but honestly it’s very easy to let this take too much time. I don’t have an answer to fix that except to say be careful.
Imvu can be a little intense at times. A lot of the time that’s a good thing but it can also be a real problem too. It’s also easy to assume the worst or mid understand things. We all tend to react emotionally and the reaction is often worse than the initial issue.
You’ve heard the saying about assumptions but it’s very easy to do and in a world of pure emotion and faith that can be extremely damaging. Give the people you love here the benefit of the doubt and then some and use any issue as a chance to prove how much you love them. You’ll strengthen your relationships not weaken them.
This is an amazing place once you learn to let your walls down. But that’s also part of the danger and why you have to be so careful too. The danger isn’t just that someone random could assault you the way you first think. The bigger danger is how vulnerable you become when you let your walls down so much.
If I met Gabby or Holly or anyone I have a full heart connection with, in real life, I’d have no defenses and be very vulnerable to put it mildly. It’s not being physically hurt but emotionally such an open book that it would be easy to be really stupid. It’s the level and intensity of the connections that makes it dangerous.
It’s obviously dangerous to meet someone you don’t know that well but it’s also dangerous in a way to meet someone you know too well.
It’s amazing how you can feel chemistry in such a limited interface so clearly. Maybe a little bit is hearing or feeling what we want to feel, but that doesn’t explain why some people really do feel so special and so amazing.
No matter what you think the reason is, you absolutely can’t deny that some hearts definitely seem to click. It doesn’t seem to require any specific characteristics, though I admit it helps to be attractive, experienced, and in some cases have a trigger. (I didn’t really say that last part)
The surprising thing to me is how often you can have amazing once in a lifetime type of experiences in here. I think some people have them even more than I do too. And some awesome friends even have them in real life too. But seriously I’ve never had so much fun or felt such intense and awesome things in my life. It’s not real life. In a lot of ways it’s so far beyond my real life, it isn’t funny. And you’ll never be able to explain it but I so hope you are able to experience it for yourself.
I look at IMVU overall and see several phases, one of them being the Sex Phase. A lot of guys never get out of that but I like Katy’s comments about there being two stages in the Imvu Sex Phase. The first is the Random Sex stage, when you just have fun learning and enjoying cyber. Some people never make it out of that stage. That’s not necessarily wrong if that’s where they’re at. But there’s a big difference between sex and love. People on the outside looking at IMVU can’t see the love, they just see it as fake sex.
It’s not their fault because you honestly can’t appreciate the power of the emotions if you haven’t experienced it. If you try to tell them about the feeling of love, they think you’re getting carried away and are too caught up in it. Even if nobody on the outside sees it or understands it, there really is a second sex phase, the Love phase. That doesn’t mean you’re carried away or putting IMVU ahead of real life. There is a real person behind the pixels and there is nobody that’s been here for any amount of time that doesn’t realize that the emotions are definitely very real.
There are at least six people here that I really love with all my heart. It’s funny how different each relationship is. Two of them I don’t really have anything physical with, and never have. One I have some intimacy and play around the edges with. And a few that I have amazing love with. There are also several runner ups that I see once in a while, kind of Cuddle Buddies, that have a great mixture of sex and love and friendship too. Guys tend to be more of the sex phase, which can be really great too, but I think I hold my heart back with guys slightly because I’m married in real life and as comfortable as I’ve gotten with things here, I still don’t want something competing with my real life. Though a couple are amazing both as people and intensity.
There’s nothing black and white in very much of this. There are still times when I just want sex, and there are also times when I want loving intimacy even without any sex. And other times I just want to hang out and feel close to my friends. There’s also all kinds of shades in between too. Some guys have a hard time understanding that. I feel like guys come here more for sex and sometimes they don’t understand the intimacy of friends and combining love and friendship. Heck I hardly do so I can’t blame anyone else for not seeing it. I don’t mind inviting and checking, but just be patient and understand that I don’t fake it and don’t always need that or may not be able to again. But when we do get to, I promise to do my best to make sure you have the very best time ever.
Guys if you could totally understand women what would be the point or the fun in that?
I meet a lot of people in here and have several different types of relationships, but no two people are the same and no two relationships are the same. Some are based on imvu sex, some on friendship, some on role playing or talking or romance or advice or mutual interests. Actually it’s usually a mixture of things. But the interesting part is how that initial roles you have tend to stick.
If you meet someone and your relationship is based mainly on sex you may get a booty call but they aren’t likely to invite you to their role play or to hang out. If you were friends or were slaves or vampires together they’re not going to get a booty call. Or putting it a different way, if your relationship was just meeting her for sex when you invite her she thinks you’re calling her for sex, which may be fine. But that’s why it’s sometimes hard to make the jump to real friend or relationship. I’m as guilty of this as anyone, especially with guys. If I met you in a sexy room or situation I tend to think that’s what you’re calling me for when I see your invite.
I also tend to think of Friendship as the central hub and all the other aspects branch off of there. That means if you started off in a role play group or as an advisor you have to get to friend first before you can usually go down another branch. The only exception is some people are still in the sex stage only and don’t have many real friends and use sex as their center here or only role here.
I think the lesson I’ve kind of learned is that if you take a little more time to build a friendship (whether it’s first or second) that relationship will be stronger and more stable and lasting. It also makes it easier to expand into any different area. It can be fun and exciting to get swept away, for sure. Feeling that amazing head over heels intense love feeling is such a rush. But remember friendship makes it feel more real and more powerful too.
So when you can, try to take a little time and build some stability too by looking for common likes and writing notes or something more than just the thing your relationship was based on and above all be a friend. And remember it’s the quality of your relationships more than just quantity.
I came here to feel sexy but was blown away by the intensity of the emotions and intimacy you can feel here. It takes a little while to get comfortable with it, to learn to lower your walls and share from your heart. New people you don’t know can be fun but it’s also helpful to find the right really good people and build strong friendships too.
I think part of it is that it’s how anonymous it is that frees us up. Part of it is how much we express emotions saying what we feel or think, creating a kind of mind meld. It probably also helps that anyone can be drop dead gorgeous and there’s no disease or risk of pregnancy. Part of it’s a shared fantasy but the emotions are real and very powerful. It can hurt if it falls apart and you have to protect your heart at the same time that you give it away, sharing very deeply. A network of friends can help even more in here than in real life too, both if anything falls apart and giving you loving support system.
We can’t actually see the other side but you develop and share a real heartfelt image as we get to know people from the inside out. It is surprisingly powerful, intimate and addicting. If you haven’t experienced the intensity of imvu sex, try it for a while. It takes a little while to develop but this is definitely part of the future, and worth some effort. It can be one of the most amazing powerful intimate things you’ve ever felt.
I admit this so sounds so obvious that it almost seems stupid to say, but the surest way to not just a powerful intimate experience but real happiness with anyone is to put them first. Don’t just put the other person first, but them enthusiastically first. Even if all you’re really here for is just a little fun, you’ll turn that random encounter into someone who puts you on the top of their mental list not just another name on their friends list they will remove two weeks later when they don’t remember you. Your dance card will be full with people that really want to be with you, not just people who are there because you’re in the right place at the right time.
Putting someone else first in here doesn’t cost much. It’s really just an attitude. It’s being patient and focusing on pleasing them and makes them want to please you more than any other one thing you can do. I asked a good friend about what makes someone we both know good and it was this attitude, and their passion. Again that sounds so obvious it can’t be news to anyone. But it is so simple we all have to remind our selves sometimes. And the more you do that the more attractive you make yourself. So remember and focus on this the next time you really want to impress someone. It’s also the basis for the whole Dom/sub relationship.
So put the other person first with real enthusiasm and be the person your friends eye scans for in their friends list and the one they go out of their way to see.