Tomorrow is a special day for one of the most special people I’ve had the privilege of getting to know in here. I wrote a long time ago about the magic of a Pure Heartfelt Connection and that’s truer than ever. And sharing that and feeling that with Stephanie has been one of the best things of all in IMVU. I’ve had the privilege and honor of sharing all of the emotion and excitement of an amazing real life fairytale love. And tomorrow she marries her real life prince charming.
I love her more than words can say, so I’ve collected several hundred pictures and a few videos to try and capture some of that love. No word or pictures could ever repay the love and happiness I’ve felt with her but I hope this gives you an idea. And Stephanie I’ll laugh and cry with you always. You’ll be awesome and like I’ve always said, You have AMAZING things ahead. This is just the beginning and even though I can’t be there with you physically, I want you to know I’m sooo there in spirit, happy dancing right beside you, and whispering in your ear. Ik hou van jou Stephanie
Here’s the link to download in HD
There was a stabbing and shooting spree recently in Santa Barbara California, where the perpetrator blamed everyone else having more fun (and sex) than him and it made me think about IMVU. In some ways I wish he had gone on here, but even here I think we all feel kind of like this sometimes, like everyone else is having way more fun than me. We compare our down points to other people’s high points and don’t see the parts in between. We don’t see how real life, timing and technical issues gets in the way for other people too.
You probably look at my website and my pictures and assume that it’s ALWAYS like that. I don’t show pictures or talk about how life gets in the way sometimes, but it does. I don’t know when someone is coming home so I don’t do much and then kick myself afterwards when they’re gone all afternoon.
Someone wrote a comment today that it’s all just sex! Sometimes I wish that were true. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve declined invites saying I’m already talking to someone and they probably assume that it’s something sexy, and it’s not.
At the same time though the UP times wouldn’t be as high up if we didn’t have “in between” things and times. The realness of the relationships also requires a lot of other types of connecting but that makes the passion even more powerful. Don’t seek out drama and issues but don’t avoid them either. Share all of the ups and downs and it will be even more exciting in the end.
Don’t worry, you’re not the only one that sometimes doesn’t end up getting all the excitement you were hoping for. It happens sometimes to all of us, and you have to be able to roll with it a little bit. Sometimes people have to leave quickly or have technical issues and you can’t get too frustrated at it. Murphy’s Law, and Life both happen in here too.
A lot of the benefit here stems from the anonymity. It frees you to do or be anything you want to, and to be more aggressive more sexy more bad more exciting more of whatever you want. We all need or crave that freedom in some ways.
We do the right thing in life, we try to be respectable and we care about what other people think of us. We have to live with our choices in real life. In here you can experiment and be much crazier and freer than you ever would be in real life.
It’s not that we are hiding things about who we are really, we all just want to control who we are and our life a little bit more or do things a little bit differently in here. Nobody shows everything exactly as real life in here. You don’t have to and aren’t expected to 100%. But on the other hand don’t go so far that you lose credibility by having to make bigger and bigger stories.
You need enough reality to be able to relate and connect with your life here and to stay consistent. Over time people will see little things about you that lineup and make sense and make them more comfortable and feel closer, or they’ll see things that make them leery and nervous and pull back a little.
These are real people, and even more importantly these are your friends, and you have to remember and respect that. Don’t do anything to them that you wouldn’t want someone to do to you.
Don’t let the anonymity and excuse to abuse your friends. If you value your friendships, don’t make bigger and bigger stories or more and more crazy things. Sometimes lies or stories or exaggerations tend to grow and grow. It may seem exciting and fun at first but you are literally hurting the most important thing you have in here. That’s your credibility, the faith people have in you, and your relationships. That’s all you really have here, so don’t trade that for an exciting story that fizzles.
It’s great when it feels real, but just because it’s not real doesn’t mean you feel it any less. These are real people and if you stay on track things will get better and better and better, but if you start to get off track and out of balance you will crash very painfully too.
Things grow more quickly but are more fragile in imvu than real life too. It’s not meant to last like real life is. It’s got more of the live fast and die young experience and attitude. Think of it like a movie. The closer you stay to reality, and what you know, the more believable it will be and the stronger and more lasting it will be.
A lot of things in here are very similar to how they are in real life but a few things are very different. One big difference is the morality. It took a while to understand this. I’m very conservative in real life and my first inclination was to be the same way in here.
What I learned over time though is that in here being physical is very different. Sure it doesn’t have the physical consequences as real life contact. But it’s more than that. I guess it’s partially because its not real, partially because that’s part of the spirit and purpose of the place, but its essentially the currency and way you interact and communicate in here.
In real life it’s bad to be looked at as a slut but in here being called a slut is almost a good thing kind of saying someone is open and loving and fun to be with. It’s not a derogatory term at all in here. That’s why I’m proud say I’ve been “SLUTIFIED!”
Poly-Amorism means loving many. In our real lives everything works better and last longer and goes smoother when you have just one great love. But wait, that’s not true either. We all have lots of relationships and people that love us and we love in real life too. Some of them are mothers and sisters and relatives, coworkers or friends from church or your neighborhood… the list goes on. The key thing that you have to realize is that since you’re not actually having physical contact the consequences and seriousness of it aren’t the same in here and that’s part of the environment here more so than real life.
This is one of the major differences though with IMVU. First of all you don’t have the physical downside of multiple relationships. In real life it creates a health hazard and puts everyone at risk not to mention pregnancy, but here that isn’t a factor. Secondly, it’s geared towards anonymity and privacy so it’s very easy to see someone privately and confidentially, and to meet sexy strangers very easily too.
Those are both some of the reasons why multiple relationships here is not bad, but that doesn’t explain exactly why it’s so good and so prevalent here either. I think the very nature of this place is that it’s ultimately not real and isn’t designed to be a lifetime situation. It’s kind of like living in match.com or going to an adult Disney World and limiting yourself to just one ride.
Unlike real life where the goal is usually to build a long term if not lifetime relationship and commitment, in here people come here for the journey or for the moment, to feel that once in a life time magical passion of new love over and over again. This is their fantasy and many people’s idea of a fantasy is not necessarily a single monogamous thing. Don’t get me wrong, some people definitely do that but given different schedules and life situations, unlike real life, monogamy seems to go against the grain of IMVU.
It’s not you, and it’s important to realize that your actions here do not translate into real life attitudes. Enjoy the magic of IMVU and enjoy the powerful passion that seems to fill this fantasy world.
A girl who’s boyfriend is on imvu posted a comment and was upset, and concerned that this was the equivalent to cheating and wrong. I struggled with this more than my share and wanted to highlight her concerns discuss it. So I asked her to write it out and I’d post it and talk about it. There’s no one answer, but I hope that this can be a healthy and helpful discussion. So here’s Natalie.
Everything I read from psychologists, marital councelors, and advice columns…. Really any input that does not come from an imvu user, classifies this as emotional cheating. Most say it is often more damaging than physical cheating. At the very least, it is suggested that this be discussed before a relationship starts, boundaries are set, and no one sneaks or hides anything. But everything I read from the imvu world is the exact opposite.
And in every case, if you are giving time and affection to person B, it can only come from the time and affection that could be used to improve and build with person A. No one, that has not signed up for a polyamorous relationship, wants to share the one they love. And no one, in any relationship deserves to be lied to, or told half truths.
He actually told me he hid this for so long bc he loved me so much and didn’t want to lose what we had. But what about me? He knew I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship like that. He knew I wouldn’t have fallen in love with a liar. He knew I would not be happy in a relationship where I had to share him. But he took the power of choice from me by pretending everything was as I wanted it to be. He manipulated me into loving him by being someone different to me than he really was.
So now, 6 years in. I still love him and can’t imagine myself without him. But I also don’t want to live this way. I’m torn between staying and being unhappy or leaving and being unhappy. So that’s why I ask how your hubby wakes up every morning, broken heRted and prepared to be hurt again by the one he loves most.
And not to be all attacky, but can you honestly say this is anything other than pure selfishness?
As I get ready for Thanksgiving I know we’re all real busy with the holidays, but I also have to apologize. My time has already been getting shorter and shorter for the past month or two but I’ll be extremely busy with some pretty big work things in real life for the next month. I’ve kind of dreaded and avoided the reality of the things coming up in real life for several months because I knew IMVU would have to go or suffer for a while. So I’m apologizing ahead of time.
Hopefully by or a little after Christmas things will get a little easier. But in the mean time it’s not you, it’s me! I’ve already kind of slowed down on my posting for the past couple months. I’ll try to continue to do some here or there but this is one of the things I’ve had to adjust. I’ll still try to be on most nights for a while but that’s mostly with family, because even if I have to play a lot less, I can’t live without my friends and family. I may end up getting on later and having to head to bed at a more reasonable time. I wanted to tell you because if you don’t see me around as much and when I am, I’m not available as much, it’s honestly not because I don’t want to talk with you, but unfortunately I probably can’t. I wanted to say it here so you knew it wasn’t just something I was telling you.
Do NOT worry about me though, because I’m definitely NOT going anywhere. I love my life and friends here but sometimes we have to do what we have to do, and real life sometimes does get in the way. We all have seasons and things change, but Imvu is flexible and it’s never been better for me.
I have a great life, and love my family and my husband tremendously. I try hard to my real life first, all the time. We went to a farm and got pumpkins rode a horse and did the hay maze. Kids are good and make you stay focused to some degree. This just fills in in between and seems to be good for me at giving me a little bit of the fun that real life sometimes lacks.
I don’t want to talk to much about my real-life sex life on here because I don’t know who will eventually read it. But just because real life comes first, that doesn’t mean that the passion here is any less real or intense. Another way to say it is that, just because real life comes first, doesn’t mean that this is any less important to me.
It didn’t start out this way of course, but it does grow on you. This isn’t addictive because it’s painful. I think some people have problems because its so good and so real. People also run into problems letting or wanting it to be more than just virtual.
It’s not hard to believe I guess that a fantasy could be fun or addictive. It can be literally anything you want, and you do have to keep real life first but this can be absolutely amazing and so much fun!
Just because we always say real life first, that doesn’t mean that this can’t be just as good or better in some ways. That is a difficult thing to admit sometimes but it is true.
I have a great life, and love my family and my husband tremendously. I try hard to my real life first, all the time. This just fills in in between and seems to be good for me at giving me a little bit of the fun that real life sometimes lacks.
I don’t want to talk to much about my real-life sex life on here because I don’t know who will eventually read it. But just because real life comes first, that doesn’t mean that the passion here is any less real or intense. Another way to say it is that, just because real life comes first, doesn’t mean that this is any less important to me.
It didn’t start out this way of course, but it does grow on you. This place isn’t addictive because it’s painful. I think some people have problems because its so good and so real, that it can mess you up. People also run into problems letting or wanting it to be more than just virtual, or when it falls apart because it can be just as real and intense on the negative side when you mess up too.
I was thinking a lot about family here and in real life while I was away recently. We don’t have a choice who our real life family is. Your real-life family is important because you only get one and you know you can count on your family. There’s something very lasting and important about that.
Your virtual family kind of feels similar in terms of importance in its own way, but is much more of a choice. It’s literally family by choice. You become a family when your friendship grows to that point that there’s no other way to describe it. I tend to be able to share more heartfelt emotional things with my virtual family.
Real family is important for your real life and your virtual family is just as important to your virtual life. They are both special. Real life family is special because its permanent. Virtual family is special because its by choice.
I tend to be able to share a lot with family in here but I also try to be more careful in some ways with them too. There are reasons why we don’t mess around in your real family just like there are in here. I Love my virtual family in a very pure kind of way.
You can be ANYTHING, with no facade, no rules, no judgement. It’s not more physical, but the emotions can certainly be stronger than real life. It definitely lets the real you out more than real life.
I guess it depends on your definition of “Real.” If you mean the “outer” you or the surface you, then no, it’s not more of that. But if you believe there is something more inside you, then this is the way to let it out. In here, you can be different, you can be totally unique!
Yes, you need a real life, of course, we all do. But I bet if you really got in and looked around and let yourself go a little bit in here, you would find that you need this too. Or that some of this can help at least fill in the gaps a little and add to the whole you.
It’s also nice to be able to let other people in more, then we do in regular every day life. Whether it’s just for passion, or you build relationships or you just have fun or amazing friends or the family you wished you had, you can find it here. Let the real you out! Let other people in and you just might find that it is real.
I listen to the discussions on the radio here in NY about Anthony’s Weiner new scandal and they’re debating if a virtual encounter is the same thing as a real life one. I know they don’t actually care, they just want to get people talking and stir things up. But Weiner’s affair clearly wasn’t just virtual. It crossed over into real life. It isn’t actually the virtual part that they talk about either it’s the real life part. It’s texting and pictures and phone calls.
Sending pictures texting and phone calls are things that you do in a real-life relationship. They aren’t things that you do in a virtual relationship. They also require sharing your true identity. A virtual relationship is different because you don’t share your identity. That gives you more freedom And allows you to stay focused on things inside that you don’t see on the surface.
If you have a virtual relationship and you start to share things outside of that virtual relationship, such as pictures and phone calls, then it is no longer just a virtual relationship and has crossed the line and is becoming a “real” relationship. To me, that’s when it crosses the line from a virtual relationship which isn’t hurting your real life into a real relationship and becomes cheating.
If Anthony Weiner’s relationship was really just a virtual relationship and he hadn’t sent pictures or texted or phone calls then he wouldn’t be in this situation he’s in right now. So to me, it becomes a serious problem when you cross over. The moral of the story is, be very careful about crossing over into real life because you don’t want to end up turning into a Wiener
This place can certainly be very emotional. And while I don’t have many issues or drama personally, you still have to be safe and respect that line between virtual and real life. Once you open the door it’s hard to put the tooth paste back in the tube. It’s easy to say the wrong thing or have something get taken the wrong way and offend someone. No matter how much you love someone right now, there’s a reasonable chance they won’t always love you as much. And if they feel hurt by anything, you don’t want to give anyone, even someone you love, the ability to do anything that risks your ability to be here or worse yet hurt you in real life.
If you’re open to real life potential it’s not as cut and dry as it is for me, being married in rl. If I had to worry if anyone in the activities I’m involved in connected me with my website, I could be in trouble and forced to let it go or kill it, which would kill me. It’s not a question of trusting one person or not, but if someone just thought it was cute and nice to send flowers, something simple could cause a major problem. If someone was jealous or blamed me for their son or daughter’s activity on here, just a phone call in anger could put this at risk. I don’t want to think about this too much but I had an issue at one point from my husband about yahoo messages that he saw on my cell phone. I immediately deleted the app from my iphone to prove it wasn’t anything. That’s the closest I’ve come to having to leave but it scared me. I am addicted and I admit it, which is why I try not to risk things.
Nobody’s worth risking everything here for. I walk away from people who don’t understand that, and are asking for pictures or video cam. (especially guys because they feel much more stalker-like when they say it) But please don’t take my concern to mean I don’t love you or feel close. It’s the opposite actually, its because I do care about people here very much. I want to be able to share the things that matter, but no matter what bump or issue we have I won’t mess with that or your life. Also because of the website and my name, I also can’t really change my avi name or prevent people from accessing my website very easily. So if this is an issue with you I’m sorry, but I don’t want to risk this for anyone.
Unfortunately we all crash once in a while. People also get home, walk in or wake up early and we suddenly have to go. Real Life is first and unfortunately things just go wrong sometimes. Murphy’s Law says they go wrong at the worst times too.
You have get used to people crashing in IMVU sometimes. But if you were in the middle of things with someone you care about when you do crash, at least send a note to explain and apologize. They will understand and be gracious if you give them a chance to. If you don’t apologize and or explain you sudden departure you leave some doubt which can grow and make the other person think you don’t care and could do this again.
You don’t HAVE to give them a gift but if they’re important to you and you can, it does show sincerity. It’s ultimately the consideration of a note that’s most important. That is unless they really don’t matter to you or you want them to think that.
Ally is one of my best friends. Well friends isn’t enough, she’s FAMILY! I wrote about virtually sleeping together a while ago, and how waking up and seeing your loved one still there is so reassuring. Ally wrote this when she woke up and I thought it was worth sharing because I think we all kind of stare through this window and wonder a little. Sometimes I think we assume everyone else’s life is better than ours. (That’s easy to do) Just remember when you look through that window there are a lot of people staring back at you too. The people behind all those windows are real. They’re Jessica or David or Mohamed or Karen. And no matter who we are, where we’re from, or what our life is like, I guess we all want to connect and feel loved.
Sigh… Yawn, I wish one of you were awake
And my computer didn’t crash imvu either, Luck me.
It is lucky. I get to wake up and see you here with me… sleeping… holding me…even if it’s a virtual me….
holding you… being held… makes me want to drop everything and drive out to meet you.
I love you Mistress… And you too sis!
Lying in my bed.. starting at the screen, wondering what it’s like where you are. Is ti cold, too hot? Is Maggie snoring..? Is the boy taking up the bed? How early do you have to be up, how you day is going to go?
Here we are in our little virtual lives, looking for dots ..No sound.. just words. And yet I’ve learned to look for the signs, when you’re distracted or sad, angry… happy.
So much emotion..exchanged in such a strange limited way.
Sometimes I wonder if I should die my hair blonde… If I would be more like the ally that lives in the digital world.. tons of slutty fetish wear, doll outfits and bizarre furniture. A gigantic purple bead.
Too tall… too skinny… a little too scared. ~touches the screen~
This window that separates me from you …so thin. And so very thick.
Sometimes it’s difficult to find the right balance in IMVU, especially when your pressure at work increases. Sometimes it gets hard to keep up and IMVU and real life don’t always mix well. We all have a life and sometimes life just gets in the way or your fun, making it hard to even keep in touch with my best friends in this crazy virtual world.
I have to admit that I’ve spent a lot of time on DND or AWAY mode the last few weeks because I usually try to spend as much time I can in “our” public dream room. It’s kind of been my home away from home lately. I just love how the room relaxes me during this stressful and hectic period in real life. Even if I can’t always be “physically or mentally” present it is so soothing –lol-. Do not hesitate to just came in once in a while for just a simple hello or even a snuggle in. Something I really miss lately!!
This all has made me think of how it might be when I turn my back at this virtual world for a while or even leave IMVU for a period! Would anyone really miss me or would there be anyone who even thinks of that crazy girl from the Netherlands?
I still try to send some messages to various friends and sometimes even a story with several episodes. This isn’t always easy because English isn’t my native language and sometimes I need to use a translator to find the right words. Do not hesitate to dive into your pen…or I guess your keyboard. Make up a story, send a message or reply at something someone else send you. I feel the magic of a smile when someone reads something I wrote. I always smile when I send that new message knowing how it helps keep us close.
I can never leave IMVU for several reasons. I know down to the bottom of my heart that I’ve found the most beautiful true love and this is something I couldn’t even dare to dream about for a long time. The feeling of being in love is something magical than I can’t even find words for. And the friendships that I’ve built within this virtual world of IMVU with the most special people. That’s why even though it’s hard, life gets in the way for all of us, it’s important to have this sanctuary, filled with friends and love supporting and caring about you. So send messages and keep in touch even through the busy times. Send that smile and feel the magic of connecting because your friends need it as much as you do!!
Is it just me or does this main stream story about a college football star’s year long relationship with a gf that turns out to be fake sound like IMVU? I heard about it on the radio and my ears perked up. I read this article about this virtual relationship on Drudge and it doesn’t say anywhere what service or program they met through. It mentions twitter and facebook a lot. It doesn’t say IMVU but how else do you get that close and have a relationship for a year with someone you never met??? It really doesn’t matter if it’s actually from IMVU or not, it’s kind of interesting and scary at the same time, how we can read into things what we want, and how vulnerable and dare I say gullible we can be at times.
We all embellish a few things from time to time. It’s a fantasy and an escape so we get to be who we want to be in some ways. Unfortunately some people tend to get off by making up more and more outlandish things sometimes. Or they make up so much that they get trapped and do the death thing to get out of the lies. I kind of think it crosses the line when you do it to gain something or lead someone on. This is a tricky thing to talk about. This place requires some faith and anonymity to make it fun. If you look at everything with skepticism this won’t be fun, but if you trust it too far, you can get hurt too. Personally, I don’t really want to see real life pics that much because I like the fantasy.
In some ways I’m naive and easy to fool, but I have so much fun here and a good life in reality too. I keep the worlds separate and don’t cross over into real life or lead anyone on. I don’t know if I could do that if I were single though. I can honestly understand how stories like this happen too, given the intensity of the love I have felt in here. It’s just mind blowing and great but also dangerous too. I don’t have an answer, and know this won’t be the last story like this. In a lot of ways, this is why I started this blog because I think this will be a more and more common thing in the future as computers increase in their speed and capabilities daily. How do we protect ourselves and still enjoy the freedom and passion in here at the same time?
I’ve always said I came here to feel sexy but I just recently realized or faced why. I obviously don’t still look like I’m 20 any more. It just hit me the other day a little hard that I guess I’m just getting older. At the same point you start to realize you’re not going to be able to do quite as much of some things. In some ways it makes me feel like I need this even more, but it can also make real life feel a little boring or bland at times too.
So if I’m being a little overly sexy at times in here, it’s probably just part of the emotional therapy I need and my way of dealing with life. I love feeling sexy and feeling other people think I’m sexy too. It’s not so much about sex but feeling sexy and attractive and holding onto that feeling.
I really appreciate all my friends in here and the love and passion more than I can say. I’ve been here about two years now and it’s been a great learning process and so much fun. It may not be real life but it’s part of my life too and in some ways it definitely helps me deal with things. Nobody’s life is as much fun and exciting as this can be, but that doesn’t make your life bad or boring, it’s just life.
He knows that I have a lot of online friends that I’m close to. He knows that I enjoy myself (a lot) when he’s not around (he finds that sorta hot). What he doesn’t know is that I do them both together. He is the love of my life. I have no doubt. And would never do these thigns in RL. And I am open and honest about everything. Just this. I actually found this site, asking myself this question. Trying to come to terms with it. I mostly have now.
Here is my rationalization:
1) Reading trashy romance novels are ok. Writing trashy romance novels is ok. Here I’m just doing them both, with someone else, at the same time… (stop looking at me like that!)
2) This world is virtual. In virtual worlds it is ok to kill people. What’s a little virtual sex.
3) Ok, so the physical act is virtual, but the emotions are real. Very real. But a minister at a wedding reminded me that there are lots of different kinds of love. Love for parents, for siblings, for friends. I believe in love. I really do. And isn’t love the only thing that there’s just, too little of? I think?
4) IMVU makes me feel more like… me. All the things I wished I had done, misssed out on… The holes in my life, the nagging regrets all totally gone. Leaving me happier, more loving in rl.
I’ve never used this site this way but one of my most special friends is going through a terrible situation and needs your prayers. I don’t like to share anyone else’s information, especially about their real life situation. But please pray for HollyKarenPeachHeart. If you know her just let her know you care. If you don’t just say a prayer for her or leave a comment of support. She lost someone very close to her in real life in a very difficult way. I’m writing this even in the middle of my vacation at Disney world, because she is important to me and I wish so much that I could do more. I will be praying very hard for her and know that your prayers will count and help too.
It’s also on YouTube if this link doesn’t work or you prefer to watch things there:
Virtual relationships just like real life relationships have to be balanced. It’s a slow building process in real life. We take a step or two and want to make sure they’re at the same point. It can happen faster in here but you still have to make sure you’re on the same page as your partner or someone can get hurt. This is part of why taking your time can make it last longer.
It feels awesome when we are on the same page but it’s too easy sometimes to get swept away and fall too far to fast. It’s also hard to take a step backwards in a relationship. So don’t rush no matter how perfect it is. Protect your heart no matter how sure you feel. Things do tend to happen fast but there’s really no reason to rush.
The other part of balance is balancing IMVU itself. I’m probably not the best person to talk about this one, as I admit to spending too much time at times, especially if you include the time I put into the website. It’s easy to suck up all your free time, but I’m trying to go to the gym again and make sure real life is first, and then some. My kids make sure I have some balance to some degree but honestly it’s very easy to let this take too much time. I don’t have an answer to fix that except to say be careful.
Most of us have other people in our lives whether it’s a spouse, a boy friend or girl friend or your parents or even kids. And we all have to consider how much to tell them about this place. Being married this is an especially important issue and you always have to work hard at keeping them secure and happy first. Sometimes that makes me a little jealous of my single friends who have fewer issues here, but I really have a great life in both directions.
You can’t hide this because hiding something from your partner isn’t good or right but you also don’t want to talk about it to much either or in to much detail because that’ll only hurt them or make them feel bad. For the purposes of this discussion let’s limit this to people you meet in RL after you’ve been in imvu.
You don’t need to air all your issues up front on your first date. But you don’t want want to be seen as hiding anything either. It’s also not just an issue of showing them. It’s more a matter of not hiding it from them. Hopefully showing them this website ImvuTips.com can help. I think it’s also important to SHOW them because everyone’s life here is so different. And it’s so hard to explain.
Hopefully your partner will realize that this is beneficial and not a threat to them. I’m actually a big cheerleader for my friends. I think that’s because I’m happily married and I only want my friends to be happy. I’m ultimately better at friends than anything else.
There are both good and bad things in here. But if you are doing it safely and your partner loves and trusts you hopefully they will get their heads around this and trust you. This does NOT replace real life but it certainly can be a great outlet, a real support network and a good thing. And if you understand and give partner the room to stay here they will certainly appreciate you a heck of a lot more. Imagine all the bonus points you’ll get. (I can’t help but think of the 2and a half men episode with the bimbo-ish GF talks about “extra special bonus sex” but you had to see it).
I think the one last and most important thing to stress is that they are always first and real. Real life is always first and then some. That can’t just be a saying but they have to totally KNOW it. But it’s also healthy to have outside friends that you can talk to and that doesn’t take away from your real relationship.
RL first isn’t just an expression it’s an extremely important principle in IMVU. If you mess that up you’re going to have major major problems. It applies to everything but most importantly your partner or spouse. There’s pretty much no more important rule in here.
I’m going to recommend that if you want to make it here you go a step further. Don’t just put real life first but make your real life even better than it was before this, because any issue you have in real life will be blamed on this.
If you were already starting to have trouble with your classes before you came here your parents are going to blame this. If your kids start acting up it will be imvu’s fault and if your relationship slips this will definitely be blamed. So don’t just keep it above this go out of the way to be more loving, get better grades or work harder at whatever you do.
That isn’t necessarily easy but use this as motivation and you’ll have gotten something else out of here. So here’s the trick, every time someone says RL first, in your head think more than first. And believe me, this isn’t just advice for you, it’s for ME, more than you realize.
The physical contact obviously isn’t real. So IMVU sex isn’t real but the person on the other side of the keyboard is real and our emotions are real. I’ve cried real tears and gone through a lot of tissues. And a lot of the feelings you get from imvu sex, the endorphins that are released and so forth are the same as you would get from real sex. These things are what make you feel closer to your partner afterwards and they are as real as the emotions are.
So while it is true that the sex isn’t real any more than porn is, but the emotions are, and even “simulated” sex almost can’t help but give you a warm satisfied feeling and effect your friendship if you have one with your partner. This is especially true when someone is lonely or vulnerable. (Aren’t we all sometimes?) So it is certainly true that it’s not technically real but it does give you some of the same feelings and benefits.
This really is a whole new thing and honestly doesn’t fit into the existing definitions. I think that’s one of the reasons I think it’s so interesting to write about virtual relationships, because its so new there really isn’t a lot written about it but it is growing quickly and only going to continue to as the technology that makes this possible continues to increase and grow faster and faster.