I have a great life, and love my family and my husband tremendously. I try hard to my real life first, all the time. We went to a farm and got pumpkins rode a horse and did the hay maze. Kids are good and make you stay focused to some degree. This just fills in in between and seems to be good for me at giving me a little bit of the fun that real life sometimes lacks.
I don’t want to talk to much about my real-life sex life on here because I don’t know who will eventually read it. But just because real life comes first, that doesn’t mean that the passion here is any less real or intense. Another way to say it is that, just because real life comes first, doesn’t mean that this is any less important to me.
It didn’t start out this way of course, but it does grow on you. This isn’t addictive because it’s painful. I think some people have problems because its so good and so real. People also run into problems letting or wanting it to be more than just virtual.
It’s not hard to believe I guess that a fantasy could be fun or addictive. It can be literally anything you want, and you do have to keep real life first but this can be absolutely amazing and so much fun!
I was introducing someone to friends and tried to explain the relationships which can get complicated. I thought for a moment as I introduced people as my best friend, my very best friend and several variations with things like super and awesome, how fortunate I am to have so many super awesome best friends and to be best friends with so many awesome people.
We are all individuals and every relationship is different for sure. But I have the most amazing friends and friendships I’ve ever had in my life in here. I feel like I’ve been saying this a lot lately, because I am truly blessed and wealthy beyond belief in here. LOL, maybe I should wear my pirate outfit because I treasure you all!
RL first isn’t just an expression it’s an extremely important principle in IMVU. If you mess that up you’re going to have major major problems. It applies to everything but most importantly your partner or spouse. There’s pretty much no more important rule in here.
I’m going to recommend that if you want to make it here you go a step further. Don’t just put real life first but make your real life even better than it was before this, because any issue you have in real life will be blamed on this.
If you were already starting to have trouble with your classes before you came here your parents are going to blame this. If your kids start acting up it will be imvu’s fault and if your relationship slips this will definitely be blamed. So don’t just keep it above this go out of the way to be more loving, get better grades or work harder at whatever you do.
That isn’t necessarily easy but use this as motivation and you’ll have gotten something else out of here. So here’s the trick, every time someone says RL first, in your head think more than first. And believe me, this isn’t just advice for you, it’s for ME, more than you realize.
Katy (my favorite inspiration for posts) said something just a few minutes ago in a comment about connections, “I often feel pulled in so many directions at once and feel bad for having to decline so many invites…” I’ve been feeling that a lot lately. The other possible title I thought about for this thought was, “Does Declining or Someone’s avoiding you?” The answer is NO. And if you think I’m avoiding you, the answer is almost always no. I really don’t avoid very many people. I occassionally unfriend a couple that don’t want to spend more time with. But my problem lately has definitely been not prioritizing way more than making anyone a low priority.
Part of the issue for me is that I’ve let my friends list get so big, because I figured with the website it was important to build my contacts and friends. And I’m on a lot but have trouble getting to see even the important people. I also tend to end up hanging out with the people that seek me out more than the ones I seek out. Sometimes that’s the people that invite me and sometimes it’s coming to say hi. I apologize because there are definitely a lot of great people that I don’t get time to go see.
Another thing that makes it hard is that I don’t have or use my own home base or room. Some friends make amazing rooms but I don’t ever get around to doing what I should and I end up hanging out in lots of differenot rooms. It would be easier if I stayed in one room and had all my friends in the same room at the same time. I wind up with my finger in too many different pies. Again I guess it might be better if I prioritized more and used DND a little more too. If I had one single big circle rather than so many. Alot of the people I know are individual connections which like katy said in her comment makes it harder.
I guess the lessons in this at least to reach me are, be persistant and patient, get to know some of my friends if you can, and don’t just invite me pc, come and say hello in the room I’m in. But just make sure it’s a room you fit in with first. Guys don’t follow me to lesbian rooms or theme rooms you’re not into, or a birthday party for someone you don’t know. And know that I take being invite as a compliment even if I can’t go, and don’t be offended if I can’t go, or sometimes accept even though I can’t stay and just wanted to say Hi. I’m not avoiding you.
There have been times when things have been mostly group oriented in my life on imvu. And there have been times when I’ve only had individual relationships. And while I haven’t talked to other people About this, I definitely find that the best situation is a combination.
It’s wonderful to have a group of several people that all love each other and equally awesome to have one very special person that you put above everyone else and who puts you above everyone else too. Both of these things actually compliment each other, they don’t compete.
Just like its good to have a variety of good friends I think this balance is very healthy. The difference here is that it’s easier to multi task in here than it is in real life. Actually its very bad to multitask it real life but it’s very easy and pretty normal to have a variety of connections and priorities in imvu. It’s not that it’s impossible to stay exclusive on here but it goes against the grain in imvu, where there is no down side to free sex and there are temptations and distractions lurking around every corner.
Youre usually better off acting in here the same way you would in real life in most things. But one interesting difference is how geared toward multitasking imvu can be. In life you really have to focus emotionally on a single one on one relationship or you should. It’s not just easier to have multiple priorities in Imvu but it seems as natural as have multiple friends does in real life. I think it’s also interesting how unique every relationship is even within a very homogenous group. And a group can be an example of the whole being stronger than a sum of the parts because your mutual connections reinforce your direct connections.
Real life marriage is a obviously one of the most important commitments that we make in life. Being happily married irl, it definitely scared me when I first heard about IMVU weddings. I was afraid that it would hurt my real life situation. Fortunately a year later I can tell you that it doesn’t necessarily hurt and can actually help.
Imvu marriages vary more in terms of who and even how many can marry more than they do in real life. And what it means varies even more too. Most people like to picture a real life marriage level of commitment but in reality it can be almost anything you can imagine or the two of you want. To me it all boils down to making your partner your priority and some commitment level. And no matter how you treat it, I think being married in here is definitely a good thing.
In life many people have a drive (your internal clock) pushing you to marry. In here you don’t have that. There is no expectations or parents looking for grand kids or feeling like you have to get married or you’re living in sin. In fact the opposite is probably true, there are so many distractions and temptations in here it seems like some type if singles paradise. So why would anyone get married in here?
I don’t think many people getting married In here do it to make a commitment. I think they do it to acknowledge the commitment they already feel. Marriage in imvu varies in terms of openness from exclusive to wide open. But the common thing both of these extremes have is that you make the other person your priority. You get married to tell them that and show them that they are your priority. That’s when you realize another imvu secret a lot of people don’t realize. IMVU is actually much more fun as a team sport.
If you’re married in real life, you’re probably going to behave a little differently in here but I wanted to focus on what you may have to do differently in real life. This isn’t something I’ve read but kind of what I figured out by trial and error, mostly my errors and hind sight. This is so not something you’ll find in an imvu forum or site but it’s kind of what I’m trying to do with this site.
First and foremost above everything else, be sensitive to your partners needs, even before they complain or say something. It’s not whether something is technically right or wrong but how your partner feels about it that counts. The tricky part is that it’s not just what they say that counts but how they feel. They are going to be concerned and you have to proactively counteract that which leads to the second thing.
Be extra loving and attentive so they can’t complain or even see a positive change in your attitude. If it makes you happy and you share that, it can go a long ways towards being able to stay. I realize this eats up a lot of my brownie points sometimes, so I go out of my way to do everywhere else I can to get them to make up for it.
Have some ammunition ready, something they do that you don’t like that you let slide. I wouldn’t stop him from anything, but if you can use that as an excuse to also do what you want to, it’s not a bad thing. I also admit I’ve gotten good at doing some things that he thinks take me a lot longer than they do. The plus side is that he thinks I work harder than I do sometimes, which doesn’t hurt.
I don’t hide this because I’m ashamed but I do try to minimize its visibility. I never check my messages when I’m with him and I put all the pictures in password protected folders. I also don’t let the software remember my imvu passwords. Just pick something easy to type. When he questions you, don’t hide it and just say how much you appreciate that he loves you enough to let you enjoy my game. Using the word Game helps cause that doesn’t sound like a threat and puts it terms he can understand.
We all have to make concessions and give each other enough space to have friends and have fun. And if you do it gradually and stay happy and loving to him or her, you’ll be surprised how much they can put up with. But whatever you do, be safe and smart about it, no matter how swept up you feel.