I don’t mean it necessarily in a bad way, but even when everyone is pulling in the same direction you still have so many personalities and relationships and characters twisting and growing and sharing together that it is NEVER boring. It’s so funny, because even between two people that love each other very deeply, it’s still interesting to watch how they twist and playoff of each other sometimes.
Katy has often said that a certain amount of twinging is necessary. I guess I wrote recently the same thing in a different way, that we all have drama, meaning ups and downs in IMVU. Sometimes it’s more like swings from side to side rather than ups and downs. Sometimes it’s loops and spirals. It’s all more than a little crazy but I wouldn’t change a bit of it. It all takes energy but it’s part of being real and it definitely makes things
I don’t talk about religion in here because imvu isn’t about religion. It’s extremely diverse but if you don’t mind I’d like to paraphrase a famous verse of the bible that applies here. It’s 1st Corinthians chapter 13 verses 1 to 3, basically says no matter how beautifully I speak, no matter how amazing my actions are, no matter how generous I am, I am nothing without LOVE.
A lot of the principles that are true in life are even more true in here and easier to see without all the little distractions. This one especially. One of the most impressive people I’ve ever met in here and closest friends was making this point last night. And at the time I kind of felt it ultimately took more than ‘just’ love. That’s why when I thought of the bible verse it seemed to fit better.
When you have issues it takes some effort, it takes some communication, it takes some time, some patience, and some faith. But the main ingredient that has to be in everything is LOVE. Without Love your effort is wasted, communication is just noise and time blown.
So yes love is the answer to everything. But more so, its the magic ingredient! It’s the catalyst that makes everything work. For example I give a lot if gifts but its not just gifts that count its the thought, the love that it shows. When imvu gives something it doesn’t come with love. It’s just a gift. I can’t even tell you how many rooms and sets of furniture I’ve never even seen. That’s also why giving someone something not on their gift list sometimes shows more caring and love!
Yes, I’ve said this in a lot of different ways in posts in here. Whether its The greatest thing in IMVU is LOVE, love the person behind the keyboard, Hold them with love, Real IMVVU Love, 57 ways to show Love, and so many more posts about love. That’s because Love is the secret ingredient not just in Imvu, but in life. Not just according to me but according to the bible.
One last note: Taylor without my LOVE, I am nothing…
I haven’t talked or even thought much about my first marriage, but 20 years ago I was married. It only lasted about 2 years or so and it turned into a nightmare of nonstop arguing. I’ve kind of blocked a lot of it out but the intensity of the emotion of a fight with someone I love that much brings that back and makes me have to run and retreat. And every time I do that I feel like I’m emotionally taking one step toward giving up on the whole thing.
In order to be truely close and love someone in here you have to tear down your walls. That’s an awesome feeling and time in a relationship as you circle and dance, each opening up together. I kind of think I’m good at opening up and tearing down my walls with people. But the more thoroughly I tear them down the more vulnerable I become too. It takes a while to truly trust people and feel like they are a part of your heart but it’s an awesome feeling.
99.999% of the time that’s great because they are awesome people and we really love and would do anything for each other. But every once in a great while something goes wrong and if I feel like someone in my heart is attacking me I can get very hurt very easily. It can just be a misunderstanding or saying the wrong thing at the wrong time and it’s amazing how fast all the good things suddenly go out the window. I can face down the biggest scariest demons, assassins or dragons in here but if someone in my heart hurts me, it brings me back to the verbal abuse from my first marriage and makes me want to run away both physically and emotionally as well. Trust me this isn’t easy to say or face but in hind site I’ve kind of done this in the major conflicts I’ve had in here.
The Argument Myth: It’s always better to stay and work things out when you have an argument.
I actually find the opposite is true. Any time I’ve ever felt the urge to run away when an argument is escalating I’ve always looked back and found that it got worse because I stayed when I wanted to leave. That doesn’t mean this is true for everyone, but I find it’s much easier to work out your differences when you’ve had a chance to let the emotion die down. There’s no reason it has to be addressed right then when people are upset about things. Sleep on it, catch your breath, and come back with love later. If you feel like it’s getting out of control call a truce and give it a rest. That’s the best way to stop things from spiraling out of control.
I’ve said communication is the most important thing in IMVU but you also have to be sensitive. If someone says they don’t want to talk about it, it’s good to be supportive but it’s wrong to push or force them.
There are times when it’s better to let your emotions die down before talking. This is especially true with tense or angry emails. Let them sit for at least 24 hours or share and discuss it with a friend, not the person involved.
Communication is important but it’s important to do it delicately sometimes too. That’s not hiding things, that’s part of getting along smoothly.
It’s easy to lie and keep secrets on here. Nobody can see who you’re talking with in private or prove much of what you’re saying. So you can tell anyone anything, right. Some people seem to enjoy building extremely elaborate stories. But like in life the truth has a way of leaking out eventually. But unlike life the faith necessary for this place can be broken and everything can really fall apart when you break that trust. You’ll also hurt people you care about.
It’s a fantasy and if it wasn’t better than real life why would we come here. But even though it seems like you can get away with things here you really have to be more honest and loyal in some ways. I guess that’s one more irony that in a place so easy to lie or get away with things, its even more important not to betray the trust people have in you. It also takes all the fun out of it, if you have to think about and filter everything and even worse to have to remember everything you said or lied about.
Out of all the things I’ve seen on imvu, the worst, most damaging thing in here is Jealousy. It will kill your friends and ruin your fun faster and more decisively than anything else you can do. It can creep in almost anywhere. I’ve lost friends and seen it sink whole groups in no time.
I remember in the HOLM collaring ceremony I caught a mention of jealousy not being allowed and I knew that they knew what they were doing. This place is built on sharing and trust. And if you can’t trust your partner, you’ll go crazy every time they’re on and not showing their location, or even worse when they are showing it and just one person is there.
I’ve seen people rant and make themselves and all their friends miserable for months being jealous over someone they only knew for a little while. I can’t say it strong enough, but it’s like acid that will eat up even the best people from the inside out, in no time. Love often and as much as you can but know that the only thing you have to hold anyone here where they can click away is your love. And ironically before jealous will only cause the thing you fear, to happen.
We have been great friends through a lot of ups and downs. It hasn’t always been easy and I know you have been hurt. But I do care and love you with all my heart and have always tried to be your friend. I am friends with other people too but that doesn’t take anything away from my friendship with you. I love you with all my heart and believe in you. I understand that you need time and things happen but know that I am here for you with open arms hoping you’ll come back. In the words of a good friend, I can’t not be your friend. And I’m still listening and still loving you, Kiki!
I apologize that this is more personal and less of a tip or advice about imvu. I guess it’s a little bit of personal drama but hope you won’t mind, because I wanted to put this on the record for my good good friend who really just needed a reminder that she’s important and truly is loved and a friend. ~Kait
IMVU can be crazy, there’s no doubt about that. And as much as you might want real life, you have to be careful because if the craziness of this place spills over into your real life it can be very difficult to say the least. The emotions in here are so strong, love so free flowing, and the soap opera ness of it almost can’t be helped at times. The emotions are real but there’s a reason why real life is the way it is and why this place is the way it is too. Being the way you are in real life here isn’t easy and being the way you are here in real life will cause problems too.
Nobody looks down on anyone in here. In fact it’s quite the opposite. Your friends here are real people too and they love you and know you are a great cherished real person too. Don’t take the loving feeling we share here to be anything wrong or hurtful, it’s not at all. Remember that you can always take a break or leave and come back after a while. Hold on and put off any major decision until you’re not in the middle of the emotion but don’t be afraid to step back from the emotion.