I was going to call this the secret to a three way relationship but its also the secret to any group situation. I think it could also be said to be one of the best approaches to all relationships in IMVU. It’s also deceptively simple.
The secret is to put the other people’s relationships first. I don’t mean in just some ways or when it’s convenient. You have to do it at all times and constantly up lift them and do anything and everything you can to support and help them in every action or conversation. And even then there will be significant tears and pain necessary to balance things. And like most right things its easier to do than to say.
If you do this though, you’ll make an even stronger structure. You’ll have a core of people you can count on that will make you important relationships stronger. You won’t have just one person putting you first you’ll have two (or more?)
When you think about it, a relationship or marriage is essentially just a commitment to make the other person your priority. The rules may vary but that’s the common core of any marriage or relationship, along with openness and intimacy.
The alternative ends up hurting everyone involved and pits you against the others. Even if your relationship is stronger than the other you’ll hurt the person you love pulling them apart and causing a lot of pain.
We meet basically every night and hang out, laugh and dance and have more intimacy and fun than I can begin to explain. These are the best people ever and I love them with all my heart. One of the things that makes it fun though are the themes that evolve. It’s always different and never planned but somehow we always end up with more fun than you’d believe.
We laugh, dance, support and encourage each other so much. We have fun with clothes, flirt and talk a mile a minute. We have more inside jokes and are hard to keep up with because we’ve spent so much time together.
There is no set theme, it just evolves from what someone is wearing or we’re talking about. It’s an amazing feeling to feel so close so loved and a part of such a neat group that really does feel like family on steroids! Anyway, here are just a few of the fun themes we’ve had recently.
I dance with my family almost every night for almost two hours. It’s an amazingly intimate and fun time. We are often carrying on several conversations at a time, filled with inside jokes and stories at 60 miles an hour. Even slow nights are always fun and very special. You would think that the same people in the same room would get boring or at least be somewhat the same from one day to the next. But it’s so random and so different from night to night. One thing that I think makes it fun is Creative Gifting. One of the fun things we do sometimes is find funny things from the conversation in the catalog. There are so many wacky things, you really can’t think of something and not find it in the catalog.
Last night we were teasing Stephanie about French Fries because her fiancé is such a health nut she’s not allowed to eat French Fries. All of a sudden we were all French Fries and laughing so hard it hurt. Jokes about salt and wanting to get eaten followed and it was just a blast. The point is just to keep that in mind in a conversation because it’s so fun to give someone what they were talking about, whether it’s a big head, a French Fry avatar. If you can think of it you can probably find it and a few credits can make the night special for everyone. Also wearing and gifting a specific item makes everyone feel welcome and a part of the group. Be creative and have fun!
Katy (my favorite inspiration for posts) said something just a few minutes ago in a comment about connections, “I often feel pulled in so many directions at once and feel bad for having to decline so many invites…” I’ve been feeling that a lot lately. The other possible title I thought about for this thought was, “Does Declining or Someone’s avoiding you?” The answer is NO. And if you think I’m avoiding you, the answer is almost always no. I really don’t avoid very many people. I occassionally unfriend a couple that don’t want to spend more time with. But my problem lately has definitely been not prioritizing way more than making anyone a low priority.
Part of the issue for me is that I’ve let my friends list get so big, because I figured with the website it was important to build my contacts and friends. And I’m on a lot but have trouble getting to see even the important people. I also tend to end up hanging out with the people that seek me out more than the ones I seek out. Sometimes that’s the people that invite me and sometimes it’s coming to say hi. I apologize because there are definitely a lot of great people that I don’t get time to go see.
Another thing that makes it hard is that I don’t have or use my own home base or room. Some friends make amazing rooms but I don’t ever get around to doing what I should and I end up hanging out in lots of differenot rooms. It would be easier if I stayed in one room and had all my friends in the same room at the same time. I wind up with my finger in too many different pies. Again I guess it might be better if I prioritized more and used DND a little more too. If I had one single big circle rather than so many. Alot of the people I know are individual connections which like katy said in her comment makes it harder.
I guess the lessons in this at least to reach me are, be persistant and patient, get to know some of my friends if you can, and don’t just invite me pc, come and say hello in the room I’m in. But just make sure it’s a room you fit in with first. Guys don’t follow me to lesbian rooms or theme rooms you’re not into, or a birthday party for someone you don’t know. And know that I take being invite as a compliment even if I can’t go, and don’t be offended if I can’t go, or sometimes accept even though I can’t stay and just wanted to say Hi. I’m not avoiding you.
There have been times when things have been mostly group oriented in my life on imvu. And there have been times when I’ve only had individual relationships. And while I haven’t talked to other people About this, I definitely find that the best situation is a combination.
It’s wonderful to have a group of several people that all love each other and equally awesome to have one very special person that you put above everyone else and who puts you above everyone else too. Both of these things actually compliment each other, they don’t compete.
Just like its good to have a variety of good friends I think this balance is very healthy. The difference here is that it’s easier to multi task in here than it is in real life. Actually its very bad to multitask it real life but it’s very easy and pretty normal to have a variety of connections and priorities in imvu. It’s not that it’s impossible to stay exclusive on here but it goes against the grain in imvu, where there is no down side to free sex and there are temptations and distractions lurking around every corner.
Youre usually better off acting in here the same way you would in real life in most things. But one interesting difference is how geared toward multitasking imvu can be. In life you really have to focus emotionally on a single one on one relationship or you should. It’s not just easier to have multiple priorities in Imvu but it seems as natural as have multiple friends does in real life. I think it’s also interesting how unique every relationship is even within a very homogenous group. And a group can be an example of the whole being stronger than a sum of the parts because your mutual connections reinforce your direct connections.