Posts tagged “exclusivity

Why exclusivity Is hard in IMVU

the most amazing dance partnerEven virtual passion is definitely more powerful and more real with the one you love the most. It strengthens the relationship and is important to it. You can create a great variety even with the same person by changing rooms and costumes very easily. Even someone else that’s technically as good wouldn’t know me, what sets me off, and wouldn’t be able to reach right into my heart and make me explode the way my lover does. I could be perfectly happy being just with the one that I love the most, if they were always available but that can be hard to maintain.

Fairy LoveThat’s why one of the issues with having a relationship here is that we all have different and varying hours and schedules. If you and your partner were only on at the exact same hours, it would minimize any need for outside passion. Unfortunately though life here doesn’t seem to work that way and schedules don’t ever seem to mesh perfectly.

Even when they do seem to for a while, Murphy’s law kicks in and life often changes and our availability changes. One of the hardest things that can happen to you, is to be in love with somebody that you csee less and less of. Trust me I’ve been there. Breakup or divorce by lack of contact does happen and hurts almost as much an explosion. It’s just more spread out.

sail lovingOn the other hand, there is definitely some benefit to waiting for them too. That’s why I feel like something in the middle works for me. Instead of focusing or thinking about it as exclusivity (which is limiting) or not exclusivity, think about it more as making your partner your priority, and doing everything possible to constantly reinforce that and show that you love your partner every way that you can! As long as you keep doing that and focus on that, you will have a great growing empowering loving relationship.

It seems obvious to me that having one highest priority partner is the best and can be totally amazing. But it’s also helpful to have some other good friends in imvu that you can share some passion with but which understand your priorities. Beyond that its also important to have great solid supportive friends that you are super close to but not overly physical. (I say overly because cuddling and even flirting is nice and strengthens the connections).

so much love and so specialThis isn’t easy and definitely takes a lot of balancing. This is also very personal and only my opinion of course and I there really isn’t a right answer about this for everyone. The best solution for you in this is probably also going to change over time. There are also a lot of great relationships that are probably very different. So as usual this is just one crazy girls opinions at the time. I reserve the right to change them and disagree even with myself sometimes too.

Exclusivity in IMVU

an example of a great relationship

an example of a great relationshipI’m very conservative in real life, ok maybe even boring. I was never crazy. I go to church in real life and I’ve never even been tempted to cheat. I totally believe in exclusivity in real life marriage and even relationships. But I think no matter what you prefer in real life I think you to chalk this up as one of the things that’s different in here.

It’s not that you can’t be exclusive in IMVU relationships, you can literally be anything you want in IMVU. But it does kind of go against the grain of this crazy place. This place is like miracle grow for relationships and even if you’re not looking for anything, fish jump into your boat and pop out of nowhere. You’re not being bad. This happens to everyone and this is an issue we all have to wrestle with.

There are a lot of ways to handle this with your partner and any can work, but it’s important to talk about it. You can obviously be exclusive or open. You can have a list of acceptables or just say nobody in a group or anyone not in a group. You can allow limited touching or only go so far or just nothing without the other person present. powerful imvu relationships I could give you examples of couples that worked with each of these variations. You can even have different rules for different people, because every person and every relationship is different.

The important thing is to talk about it to establish it and understand what your ground rules are with your partner. Also remember communication and love are the keys to happiness in here. And it’s a very fluid place, so what you or your partner want or need will change sometimes too.

You cant look at it like its real life. It’s not exactly a game but it’s not real either and it’s not you being bad. It’s just kind of the way this place seems to go. I guess that’s the downside of it being so easy to meet people, it’s also hard not to.

You need both great group and individual connections.

There have been times when things have been mostly group oriented in my life on imvu. And there have been times when I’ve only had individual relationships. And while I haven’t talked to other people About this, I definitely find that the best situation is a combination.

It’s wonderful to have a group of several people that all love each other and equally awesome to have one very special person that you put above everyone else and who puts you above everyone else too. Both of these things actually compliment each other, they don’t compete.

Just like its good to have a variety of good friends I think this balance is very healthy. The difference here is that it’s easier to multi task in here than it is in real life. Actually its very bad to multitask it real life but it’s very easy and pretty normal to have a variety of connections and priorities in imvu. It’s not that it’s impossible to stay exclusive on here but it goes against the grain in imvu, where there is no down side to free sex and there are temptations and distractions lurking around every corner.

Youre usually better off acting in here the same way you would in real life in most things. But one interesting difference is how geared toward multitasking imvu can be. In life you really have to focus emotionally on a single one on one relationship or you should. It’s not just easier to have multiple priorities in Imvu but it seems as natural as have multiple friends does in real life. I think it’s also interesting how unique every relationship is even within a very homogenous group. And a group can be an example of the whole being stronger than a sum of the parts because your mutual connections reinforce your direct connections.

Setting ground rules

Just dancing with my friend Foxxy

dancing with a foxxy friendA new friend (Girl7770) made an important point the other day, about setting ground rules. There are so many different types of relationships in here and a much wider broader range of what’s acceptable than anything in real life. You’ll want to make sure you are compatible in several areas, such as whether you could ever take anything off of here and have real life potential, the level of communication, both in terms of the amount of time and what things if any beyond IMVU would be acceptable. Time zones and the amount of time and times of day you intend to commit are considerations, because there’s nothing harder than being committed to someone that’s not around or is only available at a time you can’t be here.

The other big area that you need to make sure you’re on the same page with is your exclusivity. First of all, this isn’t real life and seeing other people here may not be cheating at all, and in any case isn’t really the same thing as doing it in real life. Exclusivity goes against the grain of IMVU. It’s not that it’s impossible but it’s harder to do in here than real life. It’s like limiting yourself to one ride in Disney World. There is temptation around every corner. Also be aware that your partner probably needs some time away with other friends, to be really healthy and happy too.

There are a variety of ways that people handle it. Some couples make a list of acceptable partners that the other can play with, or a list they can’t play with. Some say it’s OK to do when the other is on and some say only when the other is off. Some people limit themselves to no orgasm, no penetration, or just about any variation you can dream up, someone is probably doing that. The point is that you have to understand what your expectations and behavior should be. This should certainly be a much bigger post with a better break down and maybe even a survey too.

The trick to making a relationship work here (as in real life) is communication. Also realize that things change and evolve in here so this may be something you’ll have to revisit. And if your partner’s doing something that’s not comfortable for you, you have to talk about it. To keep it bottled up until it blows up is even worse. And please don’t attack them for breaking the rules if they don’t know them. From personal experience that is really not fair. Relationships are what this place is all about and can be absolutely awesome, but they require even more communication than they do in real life.