This was actually from about a week ago, and I didn’t get to publish it and I thought about it again today because I met Cyndia’s family today. They were great, and although there was certainly a wide variety in the people and characters, it was obvious that they were close and comfortable with each other.
It’s kind of interesting because you can tell how close people are by how hard it is to understand the conversation. The closer they are the more inside things are woven into their conversation and the more they just let things flow. But looking for and finding the right people to fit in with here is so cool. With that being said here’s how not to do it.
Guest_*removed*has joined the chat
Kaitlyn: How are you today?
Guest_*removed*: Im Janessa
Kaitlyn: I’m Kait :)
Guest_*removed*: Nice to meet u
Guest_*removed*: Im Lookin for a family
Kaitlyn: you don’t do it this way.
Kaitlyn: you go out and go through rooms that sound interesting
Kaitlyn: find people you like and be a friend
Kaitlyn: you don’t ask for a family
Guest_*removed*: oh okaay
Kaitlyn: you find one you fit in and feel a part of one.
Kaitlyn: a family is just a recognition of your closeness to a group of people.
Kaitlyn: you become family by being such great friends
Kaitlyn: that there’s no other way to describe it.
Kaitlyn: and you don’t just ask for that, you have to be a real friend and that takes time.
Guest_*removed*: so u can help me
Kaitlyn: then you’ll find one.
Kaitlyn: one that you feel like you belong in.
Kaitlyn: It’s not something some can just do to you or give you.
Guest_*removed*: ty can u help em
Kaitlyn: I guess I thought maybe telling you how to do it WAS helping you.
When people enter a room it’s important to acknowledge them and make them feel welcome. We all make judgements from our first impressions and we are deciding in the first couple seconds if the room is worth spending time at. In IMVU you can’t tell if people are awake and want to talk or dance with you from the body language the way you can in real life, that’s why its not just politeness but a necessity to greet people.
It also tells them who’s in charge or who to start talking to first. It also helps the other people in the room because when you’re immersed in a conversation it can be easy to overlook someone coming in. So there are a lot of good reasons to greet people and it’s just part of good IMVU manners. It helps make the room inviting and remember its the people that make the room and this is part of that.
One of my best friends asked me this recently and it’s the perfect type of question for here. IMVU tells you how to invite but nobody tells you when or how often is alright. First of all inviting someone you know is always a compliment and is always welcome. But it can be done poorly too, and the invitee also has to have the right to decline. Inviting a friend to talk with them isn’t the same thing as random invites which are usually a nuisance.
If you invite someone and they decline do not re-invite them unless it’s an emergency. If they ignored it, you can reinvite but only after 15 to 20 minutes. That gives them time to get back if they were away or busy for a few minutes and makes it less bothersome. If they ignore a second one don’t invite a third time that day. Send a message. The only exception to the above limits is if it’s your someone special or a friend on that level and/or a real emergency. Also don’t invite someone every time they come on especially if they don’t accept them every time. Inviting every time they come on or inviting repeatedly makes you look like you’re chasing rather than hunting.
When you decline, give a reason if you can. It makes it easier to accept a decline. If you can’t give a reason at the time or ignored it, send a note to say hello or touch base. If you might be able to get back to them it’s OK or even better to ignore it. That way it’ll be in your missed chat invites. Look at your missed chat invites if you’ve been away from your puter when you were on. Inviting wrong or not responding or checking your missed chats has caused issues and increased drama, so it’s important to try to do this correctly.
The bottom line is that, if you’re in doubt invite someone, but just don’t do it repeatedly or it can turn into a negative.
Is IMVU alright for married people, is a tricky and often difficult question. It’s not correct to say that every married person on imvu is cheating, but it’s also not correct to say that it’s never cheating. There are two factors you have to use to determine the appropriateness of a situation. The first is the precautions taken to limit things. Never crossing the line between IMVU and RL won’t seem like much of a big deal to single people but is critical for anyone married. You can take it a step further and not maintain any ongoing relationships with your spouse’s sex. It’s also important not to do things that reduce your desire for your spouse. If it’s adversely affecting the relationship, it’s definitely crossing the line.
The second part of the equation is how your spouse not only is affected, but will they look at it. How will your rl partner feel if they walk in at the wrong moment? Will they understand the difference and separation between real and virtual or what have they agreed to. The more communication you have there, the safe it is. Although that’s not always easy to do, and can cause issues and concerns too. You can get a divorce in most places now for any reason whatsoever. So the only answer or opinion that really counts is your spouses
Be careful what you say. You never know who is going to share what you said with the person you said it about, or even how many avi’s someone else may have. In this crazy place, even the most innocent looking avi can actually be a demon or vampire or anything else.
There’s a reason you say hello when entering, good bye when leaving and tyt and wb etc. Niceties here in IMVU are as important as they are in real life. Short little things like this say you’re here and paying attention and that you care are more important here because you can’t read body language. It’s very easy to be there without being there or paying any attention, so showing that you’re there is much more important than you realize at first.
If in doubt, the best rule of thumb is to act like you would in real life. If you wouldn’t walk into a room in RL and ask who wants to have sex, don’t walk into a virtual room and do that. It’s going to have just as bad of a result even if they are looking for the same thing. The more real you make this, the more fun it will be. It’s ok to be more forward and direct than you would be in RL. This is a fantasy but it’s a shared fantasy and we have act appropriately.