A lot of people stop at the physical side, because that’s what they’re used to with porn or something by themselves. IMVU is more than porn. Yes it’s a little less then real sex but if you really get into it it’s only a very little less. It can also create something that you don’t necessarily have in real sex after a while, that’s the emotional head over heels heart wrenching passion of falling deeply in love. You probably had it at least once in real life but in reality it doesn’t last forever for most of us.
Sure I love my husband but I’m not head over heels in love with him like I was when we first met. That’s nothing against him or us it’s just life. Real life isn’t quite a fairytale fantasy all the time. But this kind of can be.
Some relationships only have the emotional side, and that can be great. Some only have the physical side. Some people live in and never get out of that stage. The real magic though in IMVU comes when you are able to combine both sides!
The heartfelt intimacy and connection makes the passion more powerful. And powerful passion leads to more intimacy and even more of a connection. Either one is great but the combination is ubber powerful!
Imvu is all about relationships. I say its a secret because there’s nothing that tells you that in the instructions or their materials. But this really is clearly about relationships. It’s built on emotion. It’s not a game any more than Match or Facebook is. If you had to describe it, it’d be more of a social network. It’s definitely extremely social.
Every relationship in IMVU just like in life, is different and its own mixture of friendship, lust, and love. There are several different types of relationships in IMVU and endless variations but they are all relationships. The principles of life and real life apply here and they grow stronger and stronger every day. It takes consistent contact and shared emotions.
Relationships here are essentially the accumulation of all the experiences and emotions you’ve shared together. Passion is very intense emotion and certainly can cement a relationship. When you feel like things are a little off the best thing to do is pour on the passion, if that’s part of your relationship. But don’t forget all of the other emotional things too. Whatever you do, open up and share your emotions.
Have you had the type of intense passion that just blows you away? You feel like your whole heart just exploded and you can’t think about anything else and even long after you’ve left, just tingle still lost in that love. How does that happen? It takes some getting used to and time here to really put yourself into your avi, and to learn to open up, to lower your walls and ultimately to open your heart and totally give it away. You also have to find the right person that you fit with and that’s done all those things, put themselves into their avi, opened up and truly totally loves you back, the flow can be amazing.
I think of it like a fight, where you push your partner’s buttons, and they push yours, and you scream louder and louder, each pushing and escalating, until it spirals totally out of control, but in a good way. You both explode and feel the earth shake! And the amazing thing is that a relationship is the accumulation of the emotion you’ve shared and sharing like this definitely adds up. I wrote recently about being sluttified, because as soon as I see my love, I feel that passion aching to get out, pulling me even if we’re just hanging out and talking. It’s always there, waiting, craving.
Even more excitingly, just like sometimes a relationship gets into a fighting rut, and you tend to fall into the same posture and fight over and over again more and more easily, the same thing happens here in love and passion here. You fall right back into it, opening up, pushing their buttons and getting yours pushed, escalating more and more intensely until you can’t stop it. It’s fun to change things, to change poses, and situations, but you can get seriously addicted to the passion.
I worry a little about how this would have affected me when I was younger. The intensity of IMVU is almost dangerous in some ways, and it’s also what makes it hurt soo terribly when it falls apart too. But it’s the most amazing rollercoaster of emotion you’ll ever find. I don’t know how to find words for it really. Songs tend to describe it better than words to me and I love my music in here.
I feel like the luckiest person in the IMVU world, having a decent life and good family, and being able to have the most amazing fantasy at the same time. I guess I’ve probably said this in a lot of posts, especially lately because I’m feeling it so much. Put yourself into it, open your heart and learn to let it flow and you’ll have more fun, more love and more passion than you can probably even imagine. Find the right person, someone on the same page with you in terms of their time and likes here; someone that has done those things too and share this amazing ride together, day by day.
A girl who’s boyfriend is on imvu posted a comment and was upset, and concerned that this was the equivalent to cheating and wrong. I struggled with this more than my share and wanted to highlight her concerns discuss it. So I asked her to write it out and I’d post it and talk about it. There’s no one answer, but I hope that this can be a healthy and helpful discussion. So here’s Natalie.
Everything I read from psychologists, marital councelors, and advice columns…. Really any input that does not come from an imvu user, classifies this as emotional cheating. Most say it is often more damaging than physical cheating. At the very least, it is suggested that this be discussed before a relationship starts, boundaries are set, and no one sneaks or hides anything. But everything I read from the imvu world is the exact opposite.
And in every case, if you are giving time and affection to person B, it can only come from the time and affection that could be used to improve and build with person A. No one, that has not signed up for a polyamorous relationship, wants to share the one they love. And no one, in any relationship deserves to be lied to, or told half truths.
He actually told me he hid this for so long bc he loved me so much and didn’t want to lose what we had. But what about me? He knew I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship like that. He knew I wouldn’t have fallen in love with a liar. He knew I would not be happy in a relationship where I had to share him. But he took the power of choice from me by pretending everything was as I wanted it to be. He manipulated me into loving him by being someone different to me than he really was.
So now, 6 years in. I still love him and can’t imagine myself without him. But I also don’t want to live this way. I’m torn between staying and being unhappy or leaving and being unhappy. So that’s why I ask how your hubby wakes up every morning, broken heRted and prepared to be hurt again by the one he loves most.
And not to be all attacky, but can you honestly say this is anything other than pure selfishness?
The grass always looks greener. And sometimes the emotions get too intense and we all feel like leaving at some point. I recently did that and took some time off when Taylor and I broke up. I have a lot of great friends that mean well but it was very hard having to explain it over and over again and have everybody try to fix it and give me advice without knowing the situation. I suspended my account so I wasn’t tempted to go back in and keep answering too many messages.
You think you’re going to be less depressed and less upset if you leave. It is a little bit less intense but unfortunately you tend to think about it for a while and it’s not as much better as you hope it will be at first. But the good part is that with some time things do start to feel better after you have stepped back.
You think you are going to get so much more done if you aren’t in here. At least I sure did. Unfortunately the depression and feelings still linger for a while. Maybe if you have something big to throw yourself at you’ll probably get through it quicker. I really didn’t get quite as much more done as I had assumed that I would. I did play more Candy Crush though.
Music is one of the harder things and tends to remind me of people and places in here. I went and played a little bit in second life just to see what it was like. When you get used to one system though, anything else seems a little bit harder and more confusing, but if I stay with it I’m sure I’ll get the hang of it better.
To me the trick seems to be to stay distracted. When we went away on vacation just for a long weekend down in Wildwood, it was easier to forget things and not feel like I was missing everything. I only lasted a little under a week, but I do feel better and was happy to come back.
We all complain about drama.
While looking for this comic I saw recently to illustrate the point, I actually found an article that said everything I wanted to say:
Why is there so much drama in relationships?
1. To quell uncertainty
2. To seek reassurance
3. To enliven the relationship
4. To grab power
5. To exact payback
6. To breakup
7. Because some are really psycho
Answer: All of the above.
Honestly, I’d prefer to live a drama free life. I try. But a couple recent conversations stuck out. One was a slave trying to convince me to be his owner. He promised to be the perfect slave, obeying everything I say but creating just enough trouble to keep it fun. I got the same advice when I was seeking tips on being a better sub.
It is fun. It also does “quell uncertainty” provides “reassurance” and “enlivens” the relationship. My favorite book from high school was Brave New World, a scifi world where the government basically outlaws “drama” and sadness, basically using lots of sex and drugs. The point of the book is when the main character redisocvers Shakespeare and learns that without sadness, without drama, you can’t have beauty or love.
Anyway, drama sucks. It hurts. It’s stupid. We should all do our part to get rid of it. But its ok to like it, just a little.
Closeness isn’t just physical. It’s emotional. And at least for women it is ultimately important to feel close emotionally. It’s the difference between sex and love. The people who think Imvu is about sex are missing that.
I just spent two hour talking about things with Susan and didn’t do anything overly physical but it was so amazingly intimate. It’s not that we’re not physical. Exactly the opposite is true. But the heartfelt sharing is makes the physical part so much more intense.
Every relationship is different. Some have more intimacy and some have more passion. We all have to find the right balance. But the best strongest relationships definitely have both sides. And the strength of one side makes the other side stronger. They’re not only interconnected but it’s an example of the sum being greater than the parts.
There are so many ways to get close. It would probably be a great post to list some ways to feel closer and more intimate with your partner. I’ll add a couple and if enough other people add things maybe we can make a list too.
How to build Closeness:
- Open your heart and talk about feelings.
- Share secrets.
- Be vulnerable.
- Work toward or plan for something together.
- Be kind and close to your partners friends.
- Write notes.
- Pray for each other.
- Wear something with their name on it, a necklace or shirt or tatto
- Sing a song to them.
- Shop for and find something that shows you were listening to them.
- Make a Home (a room) with them, that reflects THEIR taste.
- Long deep conversations.
- Care about their real life.
- Talk about your beliefs and childhood.
I would honestly be one of the last people to ever be into bondage in real life, but some of that in here can be fun and create powerful emotions. If you can’t experiment and do things you’d never do in real life here, where can you?!
I’m really not into BDSM and don’t want to make that my life. But I really love being able to experience such a variety of extremely powerful emotional things here. Relationships are built on shared emotions and this can certainly be very intense and emotional.
If you really get into it, the powerful contrast between and combination of fear and pain and pleasure, even if they’re only in your head is shockingly potent. It does take a strong loving connection to be able to trust someone that completely. And passion with someone you really love is always more intense, although a first time encounter that really connects is exciting too.
There are some people that I’m a pure friend with. There are some people that it’s pure physical (OK I admit there’s more of these than pure friends, so shoot me). But the best relationships are usually a combination of both. That’s because friendship makes it more real and more meaningful. Passion releases powerful chemicals and powerful emotions that strengthen the friendship and open your heart.
It’s certainly possible to have a lot of passion without the relationships or friendship (especially if you’re a guy). But it’s still much better to combine both. You do get a little bit more drama with friends than you do with random people but that’s because you care and it becomes more real.
The strength of your friendship also helps make it all last. One of the benefits of a pure friendship is that real friends in here can be rarer and longer lasting than the typical relationships in here.
The sex though it can certainly be great, obviously isn’t real. But it can make very real and powerful emotions. So watch out because this rabbit hole is very deep, and very crazy and will be awesome but it can and often does get complicated.
Yes, passion is great and I love that as much or more than anyone (hey no comments… giggles!) Maybe I’m weird though because I really do feel just as strong of a bond and as powerful and vivid emotions sometimes without it. Sometimes it’s good things like dancing and laughing with my closest friends or cuddling and confessing things between classes and work and kids.
Sometimes its sharing very painful things, being there for someone you really care about going through a really hard time in life. Maybe it’s a friend that was considering suicide, or painful real life breakup, or a parent passing away. Yes it’s been a tough week, a heart wrenching week in many ways. But I wouldn’t trade a minute of it.
Relationships are built on shared emotions and it may be painful to share some things, but that’s what IMVU is for, it’s for sharing. And that’s why it’s so good at building relationships. Sometimes it’s not easy and sometimes it’s the most beautiful amazing thing ever. It’s funny, in a way it does kind of point out why the bad times are actually a necessary part of life.
I can’t say how much I love being there for my amazing friends. I love sharing tears as much as screams. I guess life is kind of similar to the movie Monsters Inc. Tears are just as powerful as orgasms. Though imagining them trying to capture the power of an orgasm is kind of sexy (though I would have to use a password on this pose if I tried to show that!) Maybe that could be the sequel to Monsters Inc where they realize that orgasms are even more powerful than laughter, lol. RAWR!!!
I came here to feel sexy but was blown away by the intensity of the emotions and intimacy you can feel here. It takes a little while to get comfortable with it, to learn to lower your walls and share from your heart. New people you don’t know can be fun but it’s also helpful to find the right really good people and build strong friendships too.
I think part of it is that it’s how anonymous it is that frees us up. Part of it is how much we express emotions saying what we feel or think, creating a kind of mind meld. It probably also helps that anyone can be drop dead gorgeous and there’s no disease or risk of pregnancy. Part of it’s a shared fantasy but the emotions are real and very powerful. It can hurt if it falls apart and you have to protect your heart at the same time that you give it away, sharing very deeply. A network of friends can help even more in here than in real life too, both if anything falls apart and giving you loving support system.
We can’t actually see the other side but you develop and share a real heartfelt image as we get to know people from the inside out. It is surprisingly powerful, intimate and addicting. If you haven’t experienced the intensity of imvu sex, try it for a while. It takes a little while to develop but this is definitely part of the future, and worth some effort. It can be one of the most amazing powerful intimate things you’ve ever felt.
The physical contact obviously isn’t real. So IMVU sex isn’t real but the person on the other side of the keyboard is real and our emotions are real. I’ve cried real tears and gone through a lot of tissues. And a lot of the feelings you get from imvu sex, the endorphins that are released and so forth are the same as you would get from real sex. These things are what make you feel closer to your partner afterwards and they are as real as the emotions are.
So while it is true that the sex isn’t real any more than porn is, but the emotions are, and even “simulated” sex almost can’t help but give you a warm satisfied feeling and effect your friendship if you have one with your partner. This is especially true when someone is lonely or vulnerable. (Aren’t we all sometimes?) So it is certainly true that it’s not technically real but it does give you some of the same feelings and benefits.
This really is a whole new thing and honestly doesn’t fit into the existing definitions. I think that’s one of the reasons I think it’s so interesting to write about virtual relationships, because its so new there really isn’t a lot written about it but it is growing quickly and only going to continue to as the technology that makes this possible continues to increase and grow faster and faster.
Katy asked this question, “What makes IMVU more than a chat program?” this afternoon in the comments on the post about getting started in IMVU. She’ll probably have some more to add but I’ll try to answer this. I think she was comparing it to something like yahoo messenger or text messages. Part of the answer is obviously the visual component but I think there’s more to it than that.
I think it’s the variety and customizability of it that makes it feel so real that you start to associate with it to the point of being able to feel it. If you make it look like yourself and spend hours and hours with it, you really feel it on an emotional level. Just like when you are in a sexy pose even if you weren’t really in the mood but when you started, you almost can’t help but feel sexier. The visual aspect makes it feel more real and combined with the communication, creates often makes very powerful emotions.
The emotions are what makes this feel more real and so much more than just texting. It’s more than a game and more than chatting. I think it might have been Katy that described it as the early stages of the Holo Deck, from Star Trek. You really can go anywhere or do anything, and be anyone you want here. It’s less than real life, but it does feel real not in a physical way necessarily, but at least in an emotional way. The people are real and the emotions are real, even if you’re not really there.
We weren’t really flying but emotionally I think we were. This seems like as good of an example as any, to show why this is more than just chatting. But you also have to realize that this is a wonderful loving friend that I am extremely close to, too. It’s a absolutely amazing feeling to let your walls down and share this type of loving fantasy with someone you really care about.
One of the best things about IMVU is the variety of people you get to meet and the quality of friendships that you develop. I’ve made a in awful lot of friends here. And while some come and go some also stay and touch us very deeply. And this strange IMVU vision you develop here lets us look past the surface into their heart, in a way you don’t often get to do in the real world. Add to that sharing some tremendous emotional highs and lows and you start to see the magic of IMVU.