Don’t care and try. Believe it or not there are a lot of people that really don’t seem to even try. They do all the work and spend the time, make their account and when they finally find somebody they don’t seem to even try to make it pleasurable for the other person.
Just stop talking. It’s a chat program which means you’re supposed to talk. Just as bad as not talking is double talking. We all have other friends and get invites and life happens, sometimes you have to break away for a moment, but don’t go back and forth and do something else wow somebody is being intimate with you EVER!
Be depressing and down all the time. We are all human and we all have some ups and downs sometimes. And sharing those emotions and sharing those ups and downs can help to build a relationship, but always being down and depressed will definitely hurt you and make people not want to be around you.
Don’t care about your looks. Sure they are just pixels but looks are actually a decent way to judge how much someone cares and how experienced they are in here. It takes some work to make a really good look and that shows your seriousness. If you looks like a noob you aren’t going to attract many decent people.
Just stand there pumping and say “get naked” or “come here”. I mean you’re only interested in sex right. Or walk in to a room and ask sex. There are rooms like that and there are so many people here you can do almost anything to some degree.
Nobody intentionally tries to be bad. I just thought this was an interesting way to say things. I’m just trying to help make it better for you. I want everyone here to have a great time! If you think anything else should be added leave a comment!
That’s a line from the movie, La Femme Nikita, but it’s also important to remember in here too. Sometimes no matter how close you are, no matter how in love you are in here, little things can come up. And it’s amazing how such a tiny little thing can change or affect your mindset. Maybe it’s because this is so much more emotional and in your head, that even a small attitude change can sometimes change your feelings and affect your relationships in here more than you realize.
I know little things start big fights even in real life, I understand that. But I kind of think that little things can somehow cause more damage in a virtual relationship then real life. Maybe it’s because a real-life relationship has more momentum, more baggage, more dependency and routine to it, and that makes it more consistent, even if it’s not as much fun sometimes.
So what do you do or how do you handle these little bumps that come along and keep them from getting you off track? The answer is Communication, Openness, and Love! (though not necessarily in that order) I don’t just mean that in general, they are really the answer, along with just taking a deep breath sometimes.
The point is though that you have to be more careful in here, because these little things can disrupt and hurt even the best relationship more in here then they do even in real life. And ironically, sometimes the strength of the relationship is what makes you susceptible to disruption if it comes from the person you have your walls down to.
Also realize that, sometimes the little ripples give you a great chance to prove yourself, and strengthen your relationship too! A relationship is in many ways the sum of all the emotions you shared, and sometimes sharing this type of emotion and being there for each other definitely does make you stronger.
So remember, love them totally. Communicate and be honest about how you feel, listen a lot and focus on their intentions. Focus more on the bigger picture and love even more! We all make mistakes or just say or do the wrong thing sometimes. Sometimes things just come out wrong. These things are going to happen. But when you both want the same thing, being open sharing and loving your way through things is what makes this so real, so intense, and so special!
After a little while after you start to get comfortable in here with how to move, how to dress and the etiquette, you’ll start to let your thoughts flow straight to the keys. That’s when it’s fun and you’ll understand the potential. You’ll open up and maybe even talk more than you do in real life. I don’t feel like I can be this open and just let things flow as much in real life. It’s just more freeing here, but wait it gets better.
As you let your thoughts flow you start to share things you wouldn’t usually share with anyone, and let emotions flow and all of a sudden you realize you’ve opened up and let your HEART flow. You can’t do this with just anyone. You have to take some time, to be sure they’re trustworthy. Tearing down your walls has to be done one brick at a time at the same time the other person does. If you tear down your walls but they don’t as much you won’t be balanced or have as good of a relationship. You have to really get to know their heart in order to build that heart felt connection.
You’ll know when it happens. You can’t rush it but it does get easier the more you do it. In that regard I think this is a great training program, to some degree. It’s not just your thoughts but your heart and you have to protect that sometimes, but also learn to share it with the right person. All of this is easier to say than to do, and you’ll make some mistakes and get hurt. And when you get hurt in here it hurts more than most other things because it hurts straight into your heart. That’s why you have to protect it at times, but also open up and share things. All of this may sound crazy and make no sense if you haven’t been here a while. If you think this is dumb or fake, just learn to let your thoughts flow into the keys. You’ll have fun and don’t have to share too much else… yet.
I read this in a relationship book recently. It seemed true and interesting when you look at behavior in imvu too. Men do seem more visually oriented (male strippers are rare) and I think flip side is true too. Women like to be appreciated more for their looks more than men. I think that comes from biology since in order to do much, men need to be attracted and women need to be able to attract them. Women also like to get love notes and read romance novels more than men. I also thought about how it relates to my activities in imvu and I have to admit I like to talk during sex. Ok, I admit I talk a LOT during sex. It helps me to feel it more. And it’s what the guy says that turns me on, more than any certain look. OK, looking at some things is definitely fun and helps too, don’t get me wrong. ~blushing~
For guys, the good news is that it’s what you say that makes you sexy or not, more than anything else. On the other hand, the bad news is that it’s also what you say that makes you sexy or not too. That means if you want women to give you what you want visually, give them what they want verbally. Talk more! Romantic appreciative and caring things work the best. But even general conversation, not talking about anything special or leading, helps make a girl feel better and enjoy spending time with you. Even if you think of yourself as the strong silent type, open up and ramble a little. It’ll almost certainly get you further in terms of a relationship and having fun here than being more quiet.
I also think that guys tend to come in to a room and look around and decide what to do or who to talk to, where women tend to come in and chat and flirt a little and need to talk a little first before doing too much. The differences are subtle but women do need to talk more, whether it’s bantering with girl friends at the real life water cooler or dancing in imvu or cuddling afterwards. (I love my kids but some days I just crave adult conversation.) There are also times that I only want to talk (or shop). Maybe it’s a function of the guys I know but they don’t usually want to just talk and they hate to shop.
Please understand though, that this is just overall generalities and does NOT prove anything at all on an individual basis. One of my best friends said she was visually oriented, and asked if that meant she was a guy and the answer is clearly no. But if you’re trying to attract guys in general being visually attractive certainly helps. And if you’re trying to attract girls, talking and communicating well (being attractive internally) definitely helps.
I understand there are points where it’s hard to type sometimes. I kind of enjoy that. But can’t you at least have an intelligent conversation for a few minutes before you stop talking? And can’t you at least try to make it enjoyable for me? I actually had someone tell me they were going to stop for a while so they can jerk off. If you’re with an escort you’re paying them so to some degree you can say you don’t have to try to make it fun for them. But I’m not doing this for money, I do this because I enjoy it and want to get off with you. It takes some effort and input on your part too. You don’t have to be a romance novel writer, but you kind of have to at least try to make it enjoyable too.
There are several things you can do to make it easier to keep things going without too much typing. Use Dragon Naturally Speaking so you can just talk and let the computer type it out. Make a list of lines so you can copy and paste the when you need to. Program some macros with phrases or lines you commonly use. Or just type short one or two word lines with one finger. These are some of my secrets but I’ll tell you an even bigger one.
I talk a lot during passion, because it makes it more exciting to me. I’ve been with people who can’t speak english and we just used a couple words and moved from pose to pose a little. And one guy that gagged me and he wouldn’t let me say anything and it’s not as much fun. There’s something about saying you feel something that makes you feel it more. So if you’re trying to get by without talking much you’re missing the boat. Not to mention probably boring your partners into moving you to the bottom of their list.
Sometimes it’s difficult to find the right balance in IMVU, especially when your pressure at work increases. Sometimes it gets hard to keep up and IMVU and real life don’t always mix well. We all have a life and sometimes life just gets in the way or your fun, making it hard to even keep in touch with my best friends in this crazy virtual world.
I have to admit that I’ve spent a lot of time on DND or AWAY mode the last few weeks because I usually try to spend as much time I can in “our” public dream room. It’s kind of been my home away from home lately. I just love how the room relaxes me during this stressful and hectic period in real life. Even if I can’t always be “physically or mentally” present it is so soothing –lol-. Do not hesitate to just came in once in a while for just a simple hello or even a snuggle in. Something I really miss lately!!
This all has made me think of how it might be when I turn my back at this virtual world for a while or even leave IMVU for a period! Would anyone really miss me or would there be anyone who even thinks of that crazy girl from the Netherlands?
I still try to send some messages to various friends and sometimes even a story with several episodes. This isn’t always easy because English isn’t my native language and sometimes I need to use a translator to find the right words. Do not hesitate to dive into your pen…or I guess your keyboard. Make up a story, send a message or reply at something someone else send you. I feel the magic of a smile when someone reads something I wrote. I always smile when I send that new message knowing how it helps keep us close.
I can never leave IMVU for several reasons. I know down to the bottom of my heart that I’ve found the most beautiful true love and this is something I couldn’t even dare to dream about for a long time. The feeling of being in love is something magical than I can’t even find words for. And the friendships that I’ve built within this virtual world of IMVU with the most special people. That’s why even though it’s hard, life gets in the way for all of us, it’s important to have this sanctuary, filled with friends and love supporting and caring about you. So send messages and keep in touch even through the busy times. Send that smile and feel the magic of connecting because your friends need it as much as you do!!
Closeness isn’t just physical. It’s emotional. And at least for women it is ultimately important to feel close emotionally. It’s the difference between sex and love. The people who think Imvu is about sex are missing that.
I just spent two hour talking about things with Susan and didn’t do anything overly physical but it was so amazingly intimate. It’s not that we’re not physical. Exactly the opposite is true. But the heartfelt sharing is makes the physical part so much more intense.
Every relationship is different. Some have more intimacy and some have more passion. We all have to find the right balance. But the best strongest relationships definitely have both sides. And the strength of one side makes the other side stronger. They’re not only interconnected but it’s an example of the sum being greater than the parts.
There are so many ways to get close. It would probably be a great post to list some ways to feel closer and more intimate with your partner. I’ll add a couple and if enough other people add things maybe we can make a list too.
How to build Closeness:
- Open your heart and talk about feelings.
- Share secrets.
- Be vulnerable.
- Work toward or plan for something together.
- Be kind and close to your partners friends.
- Write notes.
- Pray for each other.
- Wear something with their name on it, a necklace or shirt or tatto
- Sing a song to them.
- Shop for and find something that shows you were listening to them.
- Make a Home (a room) with them, that reflects THEIR taste.
- Long deep conversations.
- Care about their real life.
- Talk about your beliefs and childhood.
I’ve said communication is the most important thing in IMVU but you also have to be sensitive. If someone says they don’t want to talk about it, it’s good to be supportive but it’s wrong to push or force them.
There are times when it’s better to let your emotions die down before talking. This is especially true with tense or angry emails. Let them sit for at least 24 hours or share and discuss it with a friend, not the person involved.
Communication is important but it’s important to do it delicately sometimes too. That’s not hiding things, that’s part of getting along smoothly.
You can make anything sexy if you describe it graphically and vividly. The more detailed you make it, the more the reader can feel it. Say how you feel. Describe even little actions descriptively with lots of adjectives to make it fun.
Katy is the best and taught me this. She also taught me something else recently. The longer the description the more it means. That’s true in everything. If you write wb it’s nice but writing Welcome Back is stronger. Writing, “running across the room and jumping into your arms enthusiastically” means more than “Hugggs.” I guess that’s kind of obvious when you think about it, and I knew it, but it’s easy to get lazy when I’m just reading and typing away and trying to be effecient.
You can see this when you see someone really good at it. I watched Katy make Gabby a virtual drink one time and was just amazed at the vividness of it. I’m not a bar tender and honestly don’t know many drinks but it was awesome to watch. That’s also what I look for when I go to a room looking around and wondering who to approach. Even if I don’t talk much to them when that person leaves I’m going to request them, because you just know that person would be good to talk to. So be vivid and paint a picture everyone can feel. Share your heart and thoughts and describe every little detail at least sometimes. All we have here are words so be super descriptive and make it powerful and fun.
I didn’t come here for love. I’m happily married and have a great family and home. I came here to feel sexy again because sometime real life loses a little of the craziness and fun. I stayed because of the the most amazing friendships. Now I’m quite frankly so head over heels in the most amazing love. I honestly can’t even think straight at times. It’s the most amazing feeling ever, but I say secret because I can’t tell anyone in my real life about it.
I can’t tell anyone because they’ll only think I’m even crazier than they probably already do. I used to try to tell one girlfriend what this was like but it’s just not possible. Sometimes I wonder if I’m sharing to much here. And at the same time I really don’t think I’m able to totally capture the passion and intensity of it all very well either.
I love this feeling. You could argue that I’m addicted to it to some degree. But how much is that cloud nine feeling worth? Even if you can’t share it in your real life. I guess I’m lucky in one way, because I can share it here. I also more than anything, I really hope that you can experience this for yourself.
One of the nicest things about IMVU is the ability to talk to someone, really talk to them about anything. Your friends here are detached, and not involved in the issues, don’t have any angle or concern about anything other than you. In some ways I sometimes feel a therapist at times, or just a trusted and experienced friend and vice versa with them. But no matter what being able to share back and forth in a really honest heartfelt way is invaluable. It’s something you just don’t get anywhere in real life very often, if at all. I have friends, in the PTA, from church and cub scouts and some neighbors but you just don’t talk about deep personal things with them like you can in here.
I remember one of my best friends had a co-worker that came into IMVU and she said it was funny because her friend would talk about things much more personal in here than the same friend ever would with her in person. Where else can you have deep talks about relationships one minute and be laughing till you cry with someone the next minute. I also love sharing the fun and emotions, living vicariously through really great friends that I have a full heart connection with. Snuggling and holding a beautiful friend in your arms or slow dancing while you share things you can’t tell anyone else is sure a lot more fun than a therapist, and cheaper too. The only side effect is a lot of tears and a little more laundry.
How much real quality communication do you get in your real life? I don’t want to say anything negative about anyone in my real life because I really am very happily married, coming up on 10 years in July. But I think it’s safe to say that I get more quality communication time with my best friends in here than most people do with the people they’re closest to in their “real life.”
I’ve been saying that I’m closer to my very best friend Gabby than anyone in imvu or real life for a little while, and a part of me felt kind of guilty saying that or like I must have a pretty pathetic life. And I do admit its kind if boring or quiet in some ways it’s not because my real life is bad. It’s because of the amount of quality time and heart felt emotion that we’ve shared. I am around people but often don’t share as much from the heart in real life. Sometimes it seems like that’s all we do in here.
It’s also hard to explain the level of love and intimacy I share with my best friends in here. It can be amazingly intimate just dancing or cuddling with friends. It’s not about poses or sexy looks, although clothes can certainly be fun to play with. It’s about the unbelievable connection, loving each other so thoroughly in the most amazing heart felt way.
I don’t mean to generalize too much but the people that don’t tend to get this tend to be guys. And if they like sex best, they don’t tend to get how important “talking with my friends” is for me, or how that can be as intimate as great sex in here.
So to all the guys that I have to decline cause I’m dancing with friends I’m sorry. I could invite you in some time, but I have to warn you that it takes some time to get that open and appreciate the closeness and intimacy.
I’ve met a couple people lately that didn’t know how to whisper which is kind of basic but I thought I’d mention it. First of all you have to be a VIP or be whispering to a VIP. It’s not a huge deal but its one of the more valuable perks of being a VIP to me.
To whisper all you have to do I’d mouse over their name and a couple options appear, the i, add a friend (if their not already a friend) and the whisper button. Click that button and you’re whispering only to that person. Nobody else in the room will hear what you tell them. It’s Important to remember though, that even though other people can’t hear you, if you say things that trigger motions other people will see that. So you might want to put a period before or after the first word to prevent that on words like yes, no, what, when, or lol. Voice boxes will also work and only the person you are whispering to will hear it even if you’re moaning your butt off, lol.
Imvu tells you how to whisper somewhere I’m sure, but they don’t tell you when or when not to. You obviously have to whisper some things that are sensitive and you don’t want other people to hear. You may also want to whisper in a crowded room or at ceremonies or when you’re not supposed to talk. Whispering is also more intimate and a good way to get someone’s attention or flirt quietly. It’s also especially important if you are getting frisky. Even if the other couple in the room is too, it’s nice because it makes it easier to read. The exception is if you are an exhibitionist or want someone else in the room to hear. (I go out sometimes and pretend not to know Holly and she likes to watch me being sexy with someone. Hope that’s not TMI.)
Like anything, though, it’s also important not to over do whispering. Too much whispering kind of dampers the fun and openness of the room. And trying to coordinate between three people via whispering can be a pain. I’ve done three way whispering but is a lot of work copying and pasting everything.
*** Read comments on this post for some more ***
The other title I considered for this post was “It’s not the Pose that makes it sexy.” I love sexy poses, don’t get me wrong. But it’s really not the pose that makes something sexy. I had two examples of this today I thought I’d mention. The first was a chat with someone that started out saying they wanted to have sex with me and then said he had a lot of great poses. I sat on a couch and he started dancing on a pole. I use the word dancing loosely because all they did was click the spot and ask me if I wanted him. It was quiet at the time and I was more than willing. But that just wasn’t very sexy.
I told him to sit down and started describing it, giving it some background and describing my feelings of fear and anticipation but how I desperately needed to please him. I was a young sexy slave girl and he was a king and my family lived on his land. (it was a castle type of room) I described the pole nestled between my legs and wrapping my body around it as I slowly slid, up and down letting the music move me. This is a virtual place and you get out of as much as you put into it. And my lust filled eyes and hands roaming over my soft young body was much more vivid and exciting than just clicking a spot and asking if I wanted him.
Unfortunately for him, I got another invite as I was doing this with a very sexy girlfriend. All we did was dance. It wasn’t about a pose or what we were wearing at all. It was just purely sexy and loving. I took over a gigabyte of video and pictures and had two orgasms before she even slowed down enough to let me do anything in return. I made two videos of it, one with the first half just getting it going (trying to make the point without being bad), and the second longer version of the video with my two orgasms on it. I’m not putting it in the private section with a password because it was visually graphic, but just because I don’t want to put too much out there for the whole world and make them think I’m a sex fiend (blushing). The point is just that your brain is what makes something really sexy. And it took more thought and effort but was immeasurably better and more than worth it, trust me.
People are anonymous in here so you can say or do anything to some degree. But in general we tend to behave a lot like the way we do in real life. In general girls flirt more and try hard to make themselves attractive and want to be chased and seduced.
Guys tend to be more hunters. Confidence is sexy and conversation skills are important. But they tend to be much more focused on sex. Relationships are often a distant second.
This is one of the ways girls can often tell when a guy is pretending to be a girl. The epitome of this is when someone comes into a room and immediately asks for sex, out loud or in whispers. Real girls don’t do that because we are taught or have learned to be selective and want to make the other person want us. We flirt and require more build up. Guys can just jump in and don’t need much build up.
Did you ever wish you could be a fly on the wall listening to the private conversations about what IMVU girls look for? This was totally unplanned but I talk about a lot of stuff with my girlfriends and this wound up being such an interesting discussion I thought I’d just keep it in conversation form. I took off a little bit of pleasantry up front and edited one or two typos. I added a link or two, to posts that I’ve written about those topics, too, but other than a word or two, this is just a candid conversation about what women look for.
My friend mentioned an interview process which intrigued me and started the conversation. I cut it off when it turned to talking about specific people and things. Who the conversation was with isn’t important but she is gorgeous and has been here for several years. She’s been here quite a bit longer than me and I enjoyed hearing some of the same things I’ve found and learned from it too. And lets continue the conversation if it sparks any thoughts back to you.
In porn it seems like the girl tends to do most of the talking but she’s getting paid to be there. If you’re paying for a lap dance it’s appropriate to let her do most of the work and most of the talking. But if you aren’t paying for it and want them to do this again with you, you have to do your part and make her want to. You do that by being sexy and getting her excited, and if you stop typing don’t assume that the pose or your amazingly muscled avi is going to do that. It’s your mind that makes it sexy, or makes the difference between average and great.
I met a fun guy the other day that had a rule. I admit everyone isn’t going to follow this rule and don’t honestly expect everyone to follow this. But his rule is that his fingers can’t leave the keyboard till she has come. Now when he said this, I had come twice already. I had things to do and would have often stopped at one and almost always stopped at two. But he was so good that when I realized he hadn’t come yet, I took him to my best room and made dam sure he enjoyed himself.
So if you want to have a longer better session with someone, and make sure she wants to have sex with you again, the best imvu advice I think you can have is to keep talking/typing. This also means don’t rush straight to sex, enjoy the process and build up and make her want it before jumping into a sexy pose. You’ll get much more and much better pleasure if you don’t just rush into it, and stop talking as soon as you get a hard on. Use lots of adjectives and be very descriptive. Read a romance novel if you want to see what women like. It’s no secret and it honestly won’t even take that much work to stand out from the crowd, believe me. Oh and by the way, I am bringing a sexy friend back with me to do the threesome fantasy for the fun guy with that rule. So maybe I should add a link from the post about how to get threesome in imvu, to say make it great for her and she’ll bend over backwards and want do more to please you.
The most amazing thing in here is the level of connection that you can develop with the people you’re close to. And if you don’t get derailed along the way, each relationship seems to build on each other. Everyone is unique but as you go through your journey here you may discover that it gets easier and easier to let your walls down.
I think the way our walls seem to come down in here is what allows us to build such amazing friendships. And each time we let our walls down we learn to let them down more and more easily. You have to learn to protect your heart and if you get hurt too badly when things don’t work out you can get derailed. But aside from that if you can learn to love the ride, it does get better and better as you learn to share. And that connection, that sharing is amazingly powerful.
I have found an amazing connection with my Twin Lyn Katy. We started talking and I had been working on a Fairy outfit for a friend, and one thing led to another. We honestly had the most amazing intimate and loving time together, with nothing more than a kiss and tearing down our walls.
A great friend had an experience that brought up a good point. She met someone who she liked but was saying she’s totally in love with her way to fast and it makes her worry. It’s good to wear your heart on your sleeve but just like the real world, don’t say you love someone the first time you meet them. This place is built on pure emotion and I’ve said it is Miracle Grow for relationships, but it also proves again that taking your time can definitely make things last longer and be stronger. So don’t rush. The falling in love, new love, early stages are so much fun. Enjoy that and keep it light. That’s Ally’s and my short tip for today.