Posts tagged “communication

Know when to shut up

shut up the emotions in imvu
Communication is important but knowing when to shut up can be just as important but can be even harder to do especially when you get excited and emotional. You don’t have to not respond. Just slow down and give yourself some time.

One great tip to do that as well as to get an extra opinion on it is to have a partner that you can bounce things off of when its important. Instead of responding to their messages, send it to your partner and talk to them before resending it. You’ll probably like their input and improve it.

The best rule is that if you’re upset never send more than three messages. If you can’t say it in three messages wait a day and rewrite it. Even if they’re just small messages more that three messages makes you look out of control and is guaranteed to only hurt you and isn’t going to get your point across.

dirty windowImvu is emotional and can be intense so you have to be careful. If you have to say something more send a gift because that shows you’re not attacking and changes the dynamic too. It has to be a loving caring gift that says you want to be a friend, and absolutely nothing with an attitude. It’s easy to just respond in kind to someone being nasty. It takes strength to stop fighting and resolve things. I’m not perfect at this for sure bug it’s important.

How to NOT have good sex in IMVU

Loving my Twis in imvuDon’t care and try. Believe it or not there are a lot of people that really don’t seem to even try. They do all the work and spend the time, make their account and when they finally find somebody they don’t seem to even try to make it pleasurable for the other person.

Just stop talking. It’s a chat program which means you’re supposed to talk. Just as bad as not talking is double talking. We all have other friends and get invites and life happens, sometimes you have to break away for a moment, but don’t go back and forth and do something else wow somebody is being intimate with you EVER!

Be depressing and down all the time. We are all human and we all have some ups and downs sometimes. And sharing those emotions and sharing those ups and downs can help to build a relationship, but always being down and depressed will definitely hurt you and make people not want to be around you.

kait in star trekDon’t care about your looks. Sure they are just pixels but looks are actually a decent way to judge how much someone cares and how experienced they are in here. It takes some work to make a really good look and that shows your seriousness. If you looks like a noob you aren’t going to attract many decent people.

Just stand there pumping and say “get naked” or “come here”. I mean you’re only interested in sex right. Or walk in to a room and ask sex. There are rooms like that and there are so many people here you can do almost anything to some degree.

Nobody intentionally tries to be bad. I just thought this was an interesting way to say things. I’m just trying to help make it better for you. I want everyone here to have a great time! If you think anything else should be added leave a comment!

I never did bother much about the little things.

snuggling and teasing a real manThat’s a line from the movie, La Femme Nikita, but it’s also important to remember in here too. Sometimes no matter how close you are, no matter how in love you are in here, little things can come up. And it’s amazing how such a tiny little thing can change or affect your mindset. Maybe it’s because this is so much more emotional and in your head, that even a small attitude change can sometimes change your feelings and affect your relationships in here more than you realize.

I know little things start big fights even in real life, I understand that. But I kind of think that little things can somehow cause more damage in a virtual relationship then real life. Maybe it’s because a real-life relationship has more momentum, more baggage, more dependency and routine to it, and that makes it more consistent, even if it’s not as much fun sometimes.

don't bother much about the litteSo what do you do or how do you handle these little bumps that come along and keep them from getting you off track? The answer is Communication, Openness, and Love! (though not necessarily in that order) I don’t just mean that in general, they are really the answer, along with just taking a deep breath sometimes.

The point is though that you have to be more careful in here, because these little things can disrupt and hurt even the best relationship more in here then they do even in real life. And ironically, sometimes the strength of the relationship is what makes you susceptible to disruption if it comes from the person you have your walls down to.

dancing on the beachAlso realize that, sometimes the little ripples give you a great chance to prove yourself, and strengthen your relationship too! A relationship is in many ways the sum of all the emotions you shared, and sometimes sharing this type of emotion and being there for each other definitely does make you stronger.

So remember, love them totally. Communicate and be honest about how you feel, listen a lot and focus on their intentions. Focus more on the bigger picture and love even more! We all make mistakes or just say or do the wrong thing sometimes. Sometimes things just come out wrong. These things are going to happen. But when you both want the same thing, being open sharing and loving your way through things is what makes this so real, so intense, and so special!

Learn to let it flow

heart felt connections in imvuAfter a little while after you start to get comfortable in here with how to move, how to dress and the etiquette, you’ll start to let your thoughts flow straight to the keys. That’s when it’s fun and you’ll understand the potential. You’ll open up and maybe even talk more than you do in real life. I don’t feel like I can be this open and just let things flow as much in real life. It’s just more freeing here, but wait it gets better.

more powerful heartfelt connections than you'll find anywhereAs you let your thoughts flow you start to share things you wouldn’t usually share with anyone, and let emotions flow and all of a sudden you realize you’ve opened up and let your HEART flow. You can’t do this with just anyone. You have to take some time, to be sure they’re trustworthy. Tearing down your walls has to be done one brick at a time at the same time the other person does. If you tear down your walls but they don’t as much you won’t be balanced or have as good of a relationship. You have to really get to know their heart in order to build that heart felt connection.

You’ll know when it happens. You can’t rush it but it does get easier the more you do it. In that regard I think this is a great training program, to some degree. It’s not just your thoughts but your heart and you have to protect that sometimes, but also learn to share it with the right person. caring supportive kissing friends All of this is easier to say than to do, and you’ll make some mistakes and get hurt. And when you get hurt in here it hurts more than most other things because it hurts straight into your heart. That’s why you have to protect it at times, but also open up and share things. All of this may sound crazy and make no sense if you haven’t been here a while. If you think this is dumb or fake, just learn to let your thoughts flow into the keys. You’ll have fun and don’t have to share too much else… yet.

Men are more visual and women are more verbal

imvu girl friends that can talk for HOURSI read this in a relationship book recently. It seemed true and interesting when you look at behavior in imvu too. Men do seem more visually oriented (male strippers are rare) and I think flip side is true too. Women like to be appreciated more for their looks more than men. I think that comes from biology since in order to do much, men need to be attracted and women need to be able to attract them. Women also like to get love notes and read romance novels more than men. I also thought about how it relates to my activities in imvu and I have to admit I like to talk during sex. Ok, I admit I talk a LOT during sex. It helps me to feel it more. And it’s what the guy says that turns me on, more than any certain look. OK, looking at some things is definitely fun and helps too, don’t get me wrong. ~blushing~

For guys, the good news is that it’s what you say that makes you sexy or not, more than anything else. On the other hand, the bad news is that it’s also what you say that makes you sexy or not too. That means if you want women to give you what you want visually, give them what they want verbally. Talk more! Romantic appreciative and caring things work the best. But even general conversation, not talking about anything special or leading, helps make a girl feel better and enjoy spending time with you. Even if you think of yourself as the strong silent type, open up and ramble a little. It’ll almost certainly get you further in terms of a relationship and having fun here than being more quiet.
super cute and fun
I also think that guys tend to come in to a room and look around and decide what to do or who to talk to, where women tend to come in and chat and flirt a little and need to talk a little first before doing too much. The differences are subtle but women do need to talk more, whether it’s bantering with girl friends at the real life water cooler or dancing in imvu or cuddling afterwards. (I love my kids but some days I just crave adult conversation.) There are also times that I only want to talk (or shop). imvu intimacy and  sharing Maybe it’s a function of the guys I know but they don’t usually want to just talk and they hate to shop.

Please understand though, that this is just overall generalities and does NOT prove anything at all on an individual basis. One of my best friends said she was visually oriented, and asked if that meant she was a guy and the answer is clearly no. But if you’re trying to attract guys in general being visually attractive certainly helps. And if you’re trying to attract girls, talking and communicating well (being attractive internally) definitely helps.

Why do I feel like I’m talking to a dead body sometimes

Don't be just a dead body

Don't be just a dead bodyI understand there are points where it’s hard to type sometimes. I kind of enjoy that. But can’t you at least have an intelligent conversation for a few minutes before you stop talking? And can’t you at least try to make it enjoyable for me? I actually had someone tell me they were going to stop for a while so they can jerk off. If you’re with an escort you’re paying them so to some degree you can say you don’t have to try to make it fun for them. But I’m not doing this for money, I do this because I enjoy it and want to get off with you. It takes some effort and input on your part too. You don’t have to be a romance novel writer, but you kind of have to at least try to make it enjoyable too.

There are several things you can do to make it easier to keep things going without too much typing. Use Dragon Naturally Speaking so you can just talk and let the computer type it out. Make a list of lines so you can copy and paste the when you need to. Program some macros with phrases or lines you commonly use. Or just type short one or two word lines with one finger. These are some of my secrets but I’ll tell you an even bigger one.

I talk a lot during passion, because it makes it more exciting to me. I’ve been with people who can’t speak english and we just used a couple words and moved from pose to pose a little. And one guy that gagged me and he wouldn’t let me say anything and it’s not as much fun. There’s something about saying you feel something that makes you feel it more. So if you’re trying to get by without talking much you’re missing the boat. Not to mention probably boring your partners into moving you to the bottom of their list.

IMVU and real life, sometimes a tough combination!

Story writingSometimes it’s difficult to find the right balance in IMVU, especially when your pressure at work increases. Sometimes it gets hard to keep up and IMVU and real life don’t always mix well. We all have a life and sometimes life just gets in the way or your fun, making it hard to even keep in touch with my best friends in this crazy virtual world.

I have to admit that I’ve spent a lot of time on DND or AWAY mode the last few weeks because I usually try to spend as much time I can in “our” public dream room. It’s kind of been my home away from home lately. I just love how the room relaxes me during this stressful and hectic period in real life. Even if I can’t always be “physically or mentally” present it is so soothing –lol-. Do not hesitate to just came in once in a while for just a simple hello or even a snuggle in. Something I really miss lately!!

This all has made me think of how it might be when I turn my back at this virtual world for a while or even leave IMVU for a period! Would anyone really miss me or would there be anyone who even thinks of that crazy girl from the Netherlands?

I still try to send some messages to various friends and sometimes even a story with several episodes. This isn’t always easy because English isn’t my native language and sometimes I need to use a translator to find the right words. Do not hesitate to dive into your pen…or I guess your keyboard. Make up a story, send a message or reply at something someone else send you. I feel the magic of a smile when someone reads something I wrote. I always smile when I send that new message knowing how it helps keep us close.Reading messages and poetry

I can never leave IMVU for several reasons. I know down to the bottom of my heart that I’ve found the most beautiful true love and this is something I couldn’t even dare to dream about for a long time. The feeling of being in love is something magical than I can’t even find words for. And the friendships that I’ve built within this virtual world of IMVU with the most special people. That’s why even though it’s hard, life gets in the way for all of us, it’s important to have this sanctuary, filled with friends and love supporting and caring about you. So send messages and keep in touch even through the busy times. Send that smile and feel the magic of connecting because your friends need it as much as you do!!

Closeness and Balance

closeness and balance in imvu passion and intimacyCloseness isn’t just physical. It’s emotional. And at least for women it is ultimately important to feel close emotionally. It’s the difference between sex and love. The people who think Imvu is about sex are missing that.

I just spent two hour talking about things with Susan and didn’t do anything overly physical but it was so amazingly intimate. It’s not that we’re not physical. Exactly the opposite is true. But the heartfelt sharing is makes the physical part so much more intense.

Every relationship is different. Some have more intimacy and some have more passion. We all have to find the right balance. But the best strongest relationships definitely have both sides. And the strength of one side makes the other side stronger. They’re not only interconnected but it’s an example of the sum being greater than the parts.

There are so many ways to get close. It would probably be a great post to list some ways to feel closer and more intimate with your partner. I’ll add a couple and if enough other people add things maybe we can make a list too.

How to build Closeness:

  1. Open your heart and talk about feelings.
  2. Share secrets.
  3. Be vulnerable.
  4. Work toward or plan for something together.
  5. Be kind and close to your partners friends.
  6. Write notes.
  7. Pray for each other.
  8. Wear something with their name on it, a necklace or shirt or tatto
  9. Sing a song to them.
  10. Shop for and find something that shows you were listening to them.
  11. Make a Home (a room) with them, that reflects THEIR taste.
  12. Long deep conversations.
  13. Care about their real life.
  14. Talk about your beliefs and childhood.

Communicate delicately

Communication is important but there are also times when it’s better to let things go and not to talk to much or to quickly. And you always have to keep people’s feelings in mind.

I’ve said communication is the most important thing in IMVU but you also have to be sensitive. If someone says they don’t want to talk about it, it’s good to be supportive but it’s wrong to push or force them.

communication in imvuThere are times when it’s better to let your emotions die down before talking. This is especially true with tense or angry emails. Let them sit for at least 24 hours or share and discuss it with a friend, not the person involved.

Communication is important but it’s important to do it delicately sometimes too. That’s not hiding things, that’s part of getting along smoothly.

Make it sexy

how to be sexy in imvu

how to be sexy in imvu
You can make anything sexy if you describe it graphically and vividly. The more detailed you make it, the more the reader can feel it. Say how you feel. Describe even little actions descriptively with lots of adjectives to make it fun.

Katy is the best and taught me this. She also taught me something else recently. The longer the description the more it means. That’s true in everything. If you write wb it’s nice but writing Welcome Back is stronger. Writing, “running across the room and jumping into your arms enthusiastically” means more than “Hugggs.” I guess that’s kind of obvious when you think about it, and I knew it, but it’s easy to get lazy when I’m just reading and typing away and trying to be effecient.

bunny love You can see this when you see someone really good at it. I watched Katy make Gabby a virtual drink one time and was just amazed at the vividness of it. I’m not a bar tender and honestly don’t know many drinks but it was awesome to watch. That’s also what I look for when I go to a room looking around and wondering who to approach. Even if I don’t talk much to them when that person leaves I’m going to request them, because you just know that person would be good to talk to. So be vivid and paint a picture everyone can feel. Share your heart and thoughts and describe every little detail at least sometimes. All we have here are words so be super descriptive and make it powerful and fun.

My Big Secret

imvu secret agent Kait

imvu secret agent KaitI didn’t come here for love. I’m happily married and have a great family and home. I came here to feel sexy again because sometime real life loses a little of the craziness and fun. I stayed because of the the most amazing friendships. Now I’m quite frankly so head over heels in the most amazing love. I honestly can’t even think straight at times. It’s the most amazing feeling ever, but I say secret because I can’t tell anyone in my real life about it.

I can’t tell anyone because they’ll only think I’m even crazier than they probably already do. I used to try to tell one girlfriend what this was like but it’s just not possible. Sometimes I wonder if I’m sharing to much here. And at the same time I really don’t think I’m able to totally capture the passion and intensity of it all very well either.

I love this feeling. You could argue that I’m addicted to it to some degree. But how much is that cloud nine feeling worth? Even if you can’t share it in your real life. I guess I’m lucky in one way, because I can share it here. I also more than anything, I really hope that you can experience this for yourself.

Is it possible to take RP too seriously?

imvu role playing

imvu role playingI really enjoy the creativity and descriptiveness of a real good T1 style role play. It can be very exciting in story or fight. But like anything I guess, there are some people that will take it too far. A long flourishing response is great when you’re doing something entertaining in a room, but I have to say in passion, real passion, you need a back and forth flow. To wait three minutes and then post a paragraph that the other person has to read carefully takes away from the real flow of emotion. Just like we speak and behave differently in a group or normal conversation than we do in bed with a partner, I think it’s important to adjust a little.

I add ~ in front of actions and ( ) around side notes in regular conversation because I think it makes it easier to read and feel, but when things switch into passion mode, I tend to lose the ~s and just let it flow in passion. I think the growing passion comes across better in more frequent shorter responses. I don’t mean to hog or control the session, I have just learned to let it flow and try to express that. I love creativity and descriptive adjectives, but I guess that part of my mind just shuts down when I am just screaming Fuck Me. ~blushing with my hand over my face~

I was with someone the other night and they made a comment about me not giving them a chance, which I like actually because so many people (yes mostly guys) tend to seem to lose their ability to type all together at that point. Anyway I tried to shut up but if I’m honestly enjoying it, oh I should just shut up here. The point is expressing yourself makes it more sexy, but don’t try to “role play” too much when you’re in the heat of the moment.

And whatever you do, never put your role play above the people that love you. PrincessRinaDhampir (who was one of my best friends even listed on the website for a long time since she was MaceDNDarkness), just did that walking away from her wife of over a year, Cyndia (ok I’ll call it what it was, dumping her wife) because of her role play. Then she had the gall to blame her wife trying to twist it and acting like it was her wife’s fault. I understand it’s natural to blame the other person to some degree but putting your role playing above the people that love and stand by you, is just wrong and make not only you but your whole Dhampir family and your vampire role play (which I usually like) look bad in my humble opinion.