In life we think of Love in the Happily Ever After scenario as a final destination, something you get and hold onto for life, through thick and thin. There’s obvious reasons for that, and we hold that up as our real life ideal. Love in IMVU is the same but it’s also different. It’s not a final destination or an ending here as much as a journey or process.
HollyKaren said that 99.9 relationships end here, and she’s right in one sense. She’s right if you define succeeding as leading to real life and happily ever after and failing as ending. If you define success as going up but never coming down, then there’s very little success, because what goes up here, in the end or at some point unfortunately must come down. Whether your life situation or time availability changes or you wind up falling for someone else, things definitely change faster in here than real life. But happily ever after isn’t really the goal here for most people. Just because it doesn’t lead to real life or happily ever after doesn’t mean it wasn’t successful to me.
I can hear all the cynics out there starting up, you can have fun saying that you’re “in love” here but it’s all FAKE because you’re not actually touching them. To them I’ll say that is like calling all the shooting games fake because you’re not actually shooting living people. That’s totally true, you’re not. Except unlike shooting which is defined as a “physical” act, Love is an emotion and technically that doesn’t require physical contact.
People have fallen in love with other people at a distance for a long time. People fell in love with penpals, that they had very slow minimal contact with. Here we have immediate intense communication. So you can’t say that the love (an emotion) isn’t real just because you’re not touching them. But that isn’t the point of this post.
Love to me here isn’t defined as happily ever after. I think the success of love here is defined as how beautiful the journey is or was to you both and how good you feel afterwards. Sure there’s pain on the downside. That’s because it was so good on the upside and when you take away something that good you can’t help but feel hurt. But in the end, after the pain fades, if you still feel the love, with honest good feelings for each other, to me that’s a SUCCESSFUL LOVE.
Let me exlain. :) I loved Taylor with all my heart about 9 months ago. We had a fabulous love. Sure it’s sad that the romance wound up ending. It hurt at the time, A LOT! But in the end because it was real, and I really did want the best for her, I was happy that she was happy and in love again afterwards. I said at the time and still mean it every bit as much that I want to be her biggest cheerleader. And that’s why I had to say it here, loud and clear with all my heart, that I was totally thrilled to hear her and Stephi announce their engagement.
I say that not because I don’t love her but because I do, and honestly truly loved our time and always wanted the best for her, and for Stephi. So don’t anyone whisper or worry, and Taylor I wanna be in your wedding and life here. To me that’s a successful love in imvu. We enjoyed the process, made life beautiful for each other, and in the end love the memories and good feelings that last.
Sure it’s only symbolic and it doesn’t create any actual physical commitment. But a lot of things here are symbolic but it is still a very powerful thing and feeling. Before the wedding I was rereading my wedding tips and one line stuck with me. It’s as important as you make it. That is probably true of a lot of things in here but especially of marriage.
I’m proud and thrilled to be her partner and to commit myself to pleasing her. I was already putting her first, but there is something special about saying it in front everyone so clearly. It is the most amazing feeling to stand there in such a beautiful dress in front of her and all your family, crying and promising yourself.
I talked to a friend who has been dating the same person for a long time. She said her partner didn’t really want to be married and was happy as girlfriends. And I can appreciate that. I was so afraid to get married for a long time. And theres clearly no teal need to get married here. But even if they aren’t really ready for it or thinking about that, if you ask them in a good way that gives them the ability to quietly say, no they’re not ready yet, I think it can be a great thing for most relationships. Just make sure they understand that it’s not necessarily a yes or no thing but a yes or not now thing.
I honestly knew pretty quickly with Taylor that I wasn’t just close enough or in love enough to marry her, but that I was meant to be with her. I don’t mean to go on too much about her but I really do love her more than I can ever say. So bear with this newly wed a little.
PS. Thank you to everyone that sent even the shortest nice note. It means a lot and reminded me that the names and pics in your list are real people. That might sound dumb, but its easy to get used to seeing people and let them become invisible. And it reminded me that even if you get a chain letter type message, or just an announcement type thing, write back just to say hi. Being in contact and on their list and messages is worth it.
Whether sunny days or stormy nights,
the love you both share becomes the glue,
that will hold your world together,
and will see you safely through.
Whatever challenges life will brings,
it is no longer just “I” or “me”,
a marriage and those vows you’ve taken,
have changed the “me” into “we”.
These two hearts married today to each other,
their lives united now as “one”,
what God and law have joined together,
let nothing cause to come undone.
Be kind and gracious toward each other,
always in truth and charity,
these marriage vows you’ve taken,
have changed your “me” into “we”.
Marriage is a human bond,
where two hearts become just as one,
sharing all life’s joys and trials,
in all your days that has to come.
May your life be filled with showers,
of blessings from high above,
and may you always and forever,
be very truly much in love…xxx
Congratulations to Kate and Jess, married Saturday April 20th, 2013!
I kind of see the purpose of my site as showing how much fun, how beautiful this crazy imvu world can be. And I could say it a thousand ways and not capture the real emotion as much as this glimpse into a real relationship is. Their honest heartfelt love is beautiful and speaks for itself. It’s a great example of the beauty of IMVU. It’s not perfect, none of us are. But it is real, no matter how virtual. I hope you enjoy this glimpse into imvu love. (Click the Title above or HERE to read the full vows)
Jessica5186: Katie, there was a time when i thought i would never get married in IMVU, yet here we are on our wedding day exchanging vows. I know it is the love we share that brought us here today in front of family and friends getting married to each other. Love changes all of us when we let someone into our heart. I let you in my heart and i have changed. I, the very girl who said “I am never getting married in IMVU” has been looking forward to this day, this very moment since you asked me to, to marry you.
The two people I love more than anyone else in this crazy world were married last night. And it was the most amazing most special loving night. I can’t possibly say enough how much I love them or how special they are to me. So here are a few thousand words worth of that magical celebration!
I’ll try to have a video of their vows for tomorrow.
Today was a very special all day for me. My dear sweet friends Katy and Susan had the most beautiful wedding. I also really want to thank them because they also helped me officially ask, my dear love Stephanie to marry me.
Stephanie…I love you with all my heart and want nothing more than sharing my life with you! I love you my darling…xxx
On hills of sunshine,
where love has no limits,
would you take my hand and follow me,
through clouds of dreams.
I will always cherish you,
and all these moments that,
leave me breathless.
Capturing your warm smile,
as your lips whisper softly,
like a spring breeze.
Stephanie I will ask you,
will you Marry me…xxx
The idea of IMVU marriage really freaked me out when I first saw it here. That’s because I’m married in real life, and my biggest fear in here was hurting my real life marriage. So last June when Holly asked me to break this one rule (I was so nervous coming on here I had a lot of rules) I was reluctant but agreed if we used a different word. The different word idea didn’t work that well and took too much explanation. And pretty soon I just called it married like everyone else.
I don’t know exactly what the point is to this except that the word “marriage” carries so much weight and can be very difficult or even scary. I’ve been struggling with and thinking about this a lot lately. Yes I’m single again and kind of enjoying that. I’m honestly not really looking for anything else right now either, just enjoying things a little. I guess that’s really nothing new but still. Being “married” isn’t what’s going to make you happy here. Marriage really just means you give someone priority.
I think the point is don’t get hung up on the word imvu marriage. It’s just a word and in this crazy world it literally means almost anything you want it to be. There are almost as many different rules or types or marriages as there are types of relationships. I think the key thing to remember is that the only way any of us have of holding on to anyone is loving them more than anyone else does. And if you stop feeling and doing that you’re slipping.
The good news is that your imvu lover doesn’t just see your pixels when they see you. They see the sum of all the love and emotions you’ve shared. So share the heck out of them and always do your very best to make your partner feel like you love the heck out of them more than anyone else ever has! And be sensitive to their needs. Then no matter what words or title you use, you’ll never be lonely.
Congratulations to KayNightwindMoore and MrThomasMoore on their recent wedding. I had the privilege of attending their gorgeous wedding Sunday afternoon, and made one of the best videos I’ve ever made out of it. (I rushed to get it done because several people in the wedding had to leave because of bandwidth and I wanted them to be able to see it ASAP. I loved the style and colors of the room, and other than the person officiating not being able to get into the room, it was great. OK well it was still great.
I’m also going to include some wedding tips I had started earlier, though they’re not really related to this wedding.
* It is as important as you make it.
* Get dressed up in real life as much as possible to make it feel more real.
* Write custom meaningful vows with your own promise. Don’t just say I DO.
* Don’t paste more than one bubble at a time.
* Take lots of pictures. Or have someone else do it. Or better yet both!
* Put a friend in charge of the music that you want.
* Don’t be afraid to do something fun and different. It makes it memorable.
* Include a posing spot in the wedding hall.
* Communicate and make each other a priority.
* Don’t be afraid to ask for help from good friends.
* A wedding can be a little stressful so do some fun things together not for the wedding.
IMVU is really about relationships Weddings are a symbol of a powerful relationship. You don’t get married here because you have to, because your parents expect you to, or you’re pregnant or your biological clock. In some ways this is like a huge singles party so why would want anyone want to get married. I think people get married in here more for pure love, and not to become committed to but express their commitment. Marriage here is what you make it and can be almost anything but no matter how you look at it, it’s about committing to make your partner your priority.
I hope you enjoy the video as much as I enjoyed making it and that it gives you a glimpse into one of the most powerful types of relationships in this crazy place. And congratulations again Kay and Tom!
Real life marriage is a obviously one of the most important commitments that we make in life. Being happily married irl, it definitely scared me when I first heard about IMVU weddings. I was afraid that it would hurt my real life situation. Fortunately a year later I can tell you that it doesn’t necessarily hurt and can actually help.
Imvu marriages vary more in terms of who and even how many can marry more than they do in real life. And what it means varies even more too. Most people like to picture a real life marriage level of commitment but in reality it can be almost anything you can imagine or the two of you want. To me it all boils down to making your partner your priority and some commitment level. And no matter how you treat it, I think being married in here is definitely a good thing.
In life many people have a drive (your internal clock) pushing you to marry. In here you don’t have that. There is no expectations or parents looking for grand kids or feeling like you have to get married or you’re living in sin. In fact the opposite is probably true, there are so many distractions and temptations in here it seems like some type if singles paradise. So why would anyone get married in here?
I don’t think many people getting married In here do it to make a commitment. I think they do it to acknowledge the commitment they already feel. Marriage in imvu varies in terms of openness from exclusive to wide open. But the common thing both of these extremes have is that you make the other person your priority. You get married to tell them that and show them that they are your priority. That’s when you realize another imvu secret a lot of people don’t realize. IMVU is actually much more fun as a team sport.
I have only been here 1 year and two days and it’s been fun in so many ways I can hardly begin to say. There are a lot of great things about it but by far the most personally rewarding thing I’ve done in IMVU is to introduce two people that I love who get married.
I say this because it sounds a little odd even for imvuv to say I have a new girl friend and then say a week later she’s getting married to another friend. But that’s what happened and it’s wonderful.
Thats why I’m so fantastically excited to announce the engagement of Tammy and Alley. I couldn’t possibly be any more excited or happy for them or love them both any more.
Virtual marriage is a crazy concept to anyone new here. Being married in real life, I was probably more afraid of it than anyone. I made one of my rules that I can’t possibly do that. In some ways it sounds silly in such a free crazy place to want to make that type of commitment. Don’t worry we all think that. Just have a good time and play it by ear.
Just don’t be surprised if you wake up one morning and realize that is the only way to describe what you feel. About the time you realize what’s happened, you’ll also realize that it’s really not making a commitment, so much as acknowledging how you feel and the commitment you already have. That’s how this place sneaks up on you. That’s when you’ll turn around and realize how beautiful it is and that you suddenly want to do this very badly for your partner. And honestly it doesn’t have to take away any of the emotion from your real life marriage or relationships if you keep the worlds separate.
Congratulations Cyndia and Macey Poena, married 11/28/11.
I tried something different and made a video of the whole thing in 1 frame per second, to make it manageable size wise. It’s a little jumpy and long, but you can watch the whole thing if you want this way at least.
Usually I think it’s more thoughtful to give people gifts that show you know them and care. I like to find something that’s not on their wishlist that I think they’ll like. But a wedding is different and it’s actually more thoughtful to give a meaningful amount of credits instead.
IMVU Weddings are dirt cheap compared to even the cheapest RL wedding. But there are still a lot of things that they need to pay for and get. It’s not always easy to put things on your wishlist and then wait for someone to get them. It’s very helpful to give them the credits to use for some of the things that come up. Also realize that sharing this type of emotion and special time is what this place is all about.
There are occasionally exceptions for some people that have lots of credits and this wouldn’t mean much. In this case, doing something special for them that takes time and shows you care, means the most. For example I made the wedding vow videos for Gabby and Kim as a special way to contribute.
That’s when you may find one of the real secrets to not just IMVU but life as well. IMVU is much more fun as a team sport. There is a wider variety of teams and ways to play here than you can possibly imagine. But the bottom line is that sometimes when you make someone else’s happiness your priority you wind up being more happy than you could have possibly imagined or done on your own.
Don’t try to explain any of this really deep stuff to anyone outside of IMVU. They’ll think you need to have your head examined. And when your soaring relationship crashes and fails, you’ll think you should have had your head examined too, but you still won’t be able to leave. Face it, we’re all crazy. Embrace the insanity and enjoy the ride.
Ashley & Diane (Blueixis & Mustangchic2) were Married August 19, 2011. It was a beautiful wedding and they are a good couple.