Virtual Relationships

Sharing the journey

what do you want for ChristmasOne of the most surprising but ultimately most important valuable benefits of IMVU is the amazing way you get to share the journey with people you are closer to then your closest friends in real life.

sharing the journey bubblesSome of the changes and struggles and growing I’ve gone through together with friends in here is too personal to tell everyone about. But Let’s just say a couple of my friends that were single when I met them are happily married or in long loving relationships, friends have graduated and there have been a few real life marriages and even some families have started.

Those words and things alone can’t describe the emotional impact and feeling it gives me. When you have a really powerful heartfelt connection with somebody and share all of the emotion not just the event or details, it’s just amazingly powerful.reflections of Santa

So as I sit here on this holiday looking back on all the lives and connections I’ve felt here I can’t help but feel so lucky and appreciate you all so much! MERRY CHRISTMAS and thank you so very much! I can’t say it enough, but I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUUUU!

IMVU is a No-fault state

swing your partner round an round In the USA some states are no fault states.  That means they don’t determine fault in an auto accident.  IMVU Is the same way. No matter what happens, if you have to leave quickly, or your partner crashes or says the wrong thing or is away for a while… Anything like that, you can’t blame anyone.  It’s just part of the flexibility you have to have in here.

It’s nice to say you’re sorry if something happens, but if they don’t don’t place any fault. Everything is so voluntary here if you blame someone or hold somebody responsible and give them a hard time, it’ll only hurt you and your relationship with them.

So try to be very excepting, and nonjudgmental. That’s a good word for this place, non-judgmental.  You can’t judge anybody about basically anything in here. For better or worse, It’s kind of the wild West in some ways, in that anything goes!

No matter what the issue is remember the one answer and response that you need to have, is to love the other person more than anyone else! If you always have that attitude it will always be fun and things will work out in the end.

warm imvu cuddle and loveThis is a little different with the IMVU corporation though. While nothing is ever their fault, you will certainly be blamed for anything and everything, whether it’s your fault or not.  You can follow their terms of service to the letter and still be attacked over and over again and don’t ever expect the IMVU customer service to do anything but attack and blame you!

You can prove that they are wrong and they will simply ignore it and continue to blame you until you give up and admit that YOU were wrong.  I don’t want to vent too much about them in this post, because this isn’t a complaint but trust me on this.  You will eventually hate the IMVU corporation.

The combination of emotional and physical is powerful

loving imvu familyA lot of people stop at the physical side, because that’s what they’re used to with porn or something by themselves. IMVU is more than porn. Yes it’s a little less then real sex but if you really get into it it’s only a very little less. It can also create something that you don’t necessarily have in real sex after a while, that’s the emotional head over heels heart wrenching passion of falling deeply in love. You probably had it at least once in real life but in reality it doesn’t last forever for most of us.

Sure I love my husband but I’m not head over heels in love with him like I was when we first met. That’s nothing against him or us it’s just life. Real life isn’t quite a fairytale fantasy all the time. But this kind of can be.

sexy family timesSome relationships only have the emotional side, and that can be great. Some only have the physical side. Some people live in and never get out of that stage. The real magic though in IMVU comes when you are able to combine both sides!

The heartfelt intimacy and connection makes the passion more powerful. And powerful passion leads to more intimacy and even more of a connection. Either one is great but the combination is ubber powerful!

Your worst downtimes are just turning points

Lyn family waking up in imvu
I recently sat down with a friend and talked about dealing with the down times in imvu and realized something about my experience in here that I hadn’t quite thought about like this before. The very worst times I’ve had in here, when I’ve been down and at my very lowest in here were actually important changing points in my life in here.

At one point I had to essentially walk away from the whole group I was with. That was right about the time I started the website. The person I had the problem with was going to make me a website and I had to figure out how to do it myself. That’s why I ended up hanging out with Gabby and that’s how the Night Shift started. When one door closes in IMVU another one opens

Night Shift imvu sexy girls dancingThen when my ex Holly left I was kind of floundering and decided to try to get to know Katy (& Susan) which led to the Lyn family. I hadn’t really thought about it before, but the two worst downtimes in here actually led to the two most important connections of my IMVU life.

We all get down at times but realize that just like in life sometimes it takes a push to get out of our comfort zone and start something new. If you’re down, maybe you’re at that turning point that starts something even more exciting and fun then you can imagine right now.kait and kris imvu kissing

I kind of picture my time here like a garden and I feel like I only have so much space (time) available to garden in. It hurts to pull something out because it was good at times and we all kind of resist change but what grows back and winds up filling up that new free space might be even better then you were expecting. I also find that things tend to get better and better, from relationship to relationship. I know it’s hard to look at it like this when you’re feeling that pain, but it’s part of growth and life.

Everyone is having more fun than me

imvu snuggling loveThere was a stabbing and shooting spree recently in Santa Barbara California, where the perpetrator blamed everyone else having more fun (and sex) than him and it made me think about IMVU. In some ways I wish he had gone on here, but even here I think we all feel kind of like this sometimes, like everyone else is having way more fun than me. We compare our down points to other people’s high points and don’t see the parts in between. We don’t see how real life, timing and technical issues gets in the way for other people too.

You probably look at my website and my pictures and assume that it’s ALWAYS like that. I don’t show pictures or talk about how life gets in the way sometimes, but it does. I don’t know when someone is coming home so I don’t do much and then kick myself afterwards when they’re gone all afternoon.

Someone wrote a comment today that it’s all just sex! Sometimes I wish that were true. I katy and ally so cute they're not competitive or anythingcan’t tell you how many times I’ve declined invites saying I’m already talking to someone and they probably assume that it’s something sexy, and it’s not.

At the same time though the UP times wouldn’t be as high up if we didn’t have “in between” things and times. The realness of the relationships also requires a lot of other types of connecting but that makes the passion even more powerful. Don’t seek out drama and issues but don’t avoid them either. Share all of the ups and downs and it will be even more exciting in the end.

Don’t worry, you’re not the only one that sometimes doesn’t end up getting all the excitement you were hoping for. It happens sometimes to all of us, and you have to be able to roll with it a little bit. Sometimes people have to leave quickly or have technical issues and you can’t get too frustrated at it. Murphy’s Law, and Life both happen in here too.

What’s the biggest secret of IMVU?

great relationships in imvu are based on emotionsImvu is all about relationships. I say its a secret because there’s nothing that tells you that in the instructions or their materials. But this really is clearly about relationships. It’s built on emotion. It’s not a game any more than Match or Facebook is. If you had to describe it, it’d be more of a social network. It’s definitely extremely social.

Every relationship in IMVU just like in life, is different and its own mixture of friendship, lust, and love. There are several different types of relationships in IMVU and endless variations but they are all relationships. real emotions and passionate kisses The principles of life and real life apply here and they grow stronger and stronger every day. It takes consistent contact and shared emotions.

Relationships here are essentially the accumulation of all the experiences and emotions you’ve shared together. Passion is very intense emotion and certainly can cement a relationship. When you feel like things are a little off the best thing to do is pour on the passion, if that’s part of your relationship. But don’t forget all of the other emotional things too. Whatever you do, open up and share your emotions.

Why exclusivity Is hard in IMVU

the most amazing dance partnerEven virtual passion is definitely more powerful and more real with the one you love the most. It strengthens the relationship and is important to it. You can create a great variety even with the same person by changing rooms and costumes very easily. Even someone else that’s technically as good wouldn’t know me, what sets me off, and wouldn’t be able to reach right into my heart and make me explode the way my lover does. I could be perfectly happy being just with the one that I love the most, if they were always available but that can be hard to maintain.

Fairy LoveThat’s why one of the issues with having a relationship here is that we all have different and varying hours and schedules. If you and your partner were only on at the exact same hours, it would minimize any need for outside passion. Unfortunately though life here doesn’t seem to work that way and schedules don’t ever seem to mesh perfectly.

Even when they do seem to for a while, Murphy’s law kicks in and life often changes and our availability changes. One of the hardest things that can happen to you, is to be in love with somebody that you csee less and less of. Trust me I’ve been there. Breakup or divorce by lack of contact does happen and hurts almost as much an explosion. It’s just more spread out.

sail lovingOn the other hand, there is definitely some benefit to waiting for them too. That’s why I feel like something in the middle works for me. Instead of focusing or thinking about it as exclusivity (which is limiting) or not exclusivity, think about it more as making your partner your priority, and doing everything possible to constantly reinforce that and show that you love your partner every way that you can! As long as you keep doing that and focus on that, you will have a great growing empowering loving relationship.

It seems obvious to me that having one highest priority partner is the best and can be totally amazing. But it’s also helpful to have some other good friends in imvu that you can share some passion with but which understand your priorities. Beyond that its also important to have great solid supportive friends that you are super close to but not overly physical. (I say overly because cuddling and even flirting is nice and strengthens the connections).

so much love and so specialThis isn’t easy and definitely takes a lot of balancing. This is also very personal and only my opinion of course and I there really isn’t a right answer about this for everyone. The best solution for you in this is probably also going to change over time. There are also a lot of great relationships that are probably very different. So as usual this is just one crazy girls opinions at the time. I reserve the right to change them and disagree even with myself sometimes too.

Know when to shut up

shut up the emotions in imvu
Communication is important but knowing when to shut up can be just as important but can be even harder to do especially when you get excited and emotional. You don’t have to not respond. Just slow down and give yourself some time.

One great tip to do that as well as to get an extra opinion on it is to have a partner that you can bounce things off of when its important. Instead of responding to their messages, send it to your partner and talk to them before resending it. You’ll probably like their input and improve it.

The best rule is that if you’re upset never send more than three messages. If you can’t say it in three messages wait a day and rewrite it. Even if they’re just small messages more that three messages makes you look out of control and is guaranteed to only hurt you and isn’t going to get your point across.

dirty windowImvu is emotional and can be intense so you have to be careful. If you have to say something more send a gift because that shows you’re not attacking and changes the dynamic too. It has to be a loving caring gift that says you want to be a friend, and absolutely nothing with an attitude. It’s easy to just respond in kind to someone being nasty. It takes strength to stop fighting and resolve things. I’m not perfect at this for sure bug it’s important.

Happy Second Year Anniversary!

The 24the of March, a day we both can’t forget…at 12 “o” clock, midnight hour my time, is a moment for us to share. At this moment, at this day we both are hopeless sweet devoted at each other!
Some people will think we both been crazy, two years in love at a world of IMVU! But we both know, we ain’t nuts, we ain’t crazy and we ain’t being in love with just an AVI of some kind of virtual world. It’s the person of who we love, the person behind the AVI, and this person means so much more for the both of us.

Steph, I love you…or how we would say in Dutch “Steph, ik hou van jou!”, I love you till our hair getting grey or till our faces will be fully filled of lines to betray our age…giggles.

Happy Second Year Anniversary Steph…xxxTwo Years Anniversary

I still remembering the first day we’ve met,
we’re both too shy to say much at all,
It is funny to think back at that moment,
because now we both having a ball!

They say, true friendship and love is rare,
an adage that I believe to be true,
to have a special bond is something that I cherish,
I am so lucky Steph, to have met you.

Our friendship is something really special,
It is something unique in his own way,
we have something irreplaceable,
oh Steph, I love you more and more each day.

Friends are forever and ever,
especially the bond that you and I possess,
I so love your fun-filled personality,
You’ll never fail for me to impress.

The world could use more people like you,
it would certainly be a much better place,
I love everything and all about you,
you are someone to me I could never replace.

Kusjes kusjes kusjes xxxYou are always there for me, no matter what,
when my day’s need a little lift,
I cannot thank you enough for that,
you are truly very special to me like a “wedding” gift.

You are everything to me Steph, more and more,
I could never express this at you enough,
life is such a treacherous journey,
without you, my days would be even more tough.

My darling, you are so special to me,
and hope you will know I will love you until the end,
I will always be there for you Steph,
you will always be my forever love and my very best friend…xxx

The IMVU scientist explains all the sex on here: oxytocin

oxytocinIf you stop to think about it, what we do here is really weird. I’ve talked in the past about how our brain is an excellent simulator of things we see, and imvu allows us to live out our fantasies. But let’s face it, a lot of what we do here is sex. And a lot of what we do here is form really tight relationships we call sister, sub, wife, gf, fiancee, etc… When the world is so vast and we could live out so many things, from being an astronaut, to fighting dragons, to dancing the nutcracker ballet, why does imvu seem focused on sex and marriage?

I unlocked a part of this puzzle this week talking to a friend who doesn’t orgasm during cyber sex, and therefore doesn’t see the big deal about imvu relationships. Because thinking about it, these two are linked.

Research shows that when women orgasm, they release many hormones, amongst them oxytocin. Oxytocin is the hormone associated with bonding and trust. It is the hormone that helps mothers bond with children. Making someone inhale this hormone can make them trust you. Men release oxytocin too when they orgasm, but less and only when it is with someone they love. For women, as I was warned by a former biology teacher, orgasms start you on the dangerous path to love.

And that help explains the hold imvu has over us. The sex is addicting not just because it is fun but because of the emotional ties it holds over us.

Until next time dear reader…

Your oxytocin addled imvu scientist, signing off

Love in IMVU is a Journey and a Process not an end point

imvu happy coupleIn life we think of Love in the Happily Ever After scenario as a final destination, something you get and hold onto for life, through thick and thin. There’s obvious reasons for that, and we hold that up as our real life ideal. Love in IMVU is the same but it’s also different. It’s not a final destination or an ending here as much as a journey or process.

HollyKaren said that 99.9 relationships end here, and she’s right in one sense. She’s right if you define succeeding as leading to real life and happily ever after and failing as ending. If you define success as going up but never coming down, then there’s very little success, because what goes up here, in the end or at some point unfortunately must come down. Whether your life situation or time availability changes or you wind up falling for someone else, things definitely change faster in here than real life. But happily ever after isn’t really the goal here for most people. Just because it doesn’t lead to real life or happily ever after doesn’t mean it wasn’t successful to me.

I can hear all the cynics out there starting up, you can have fun saying that you’re “in love” here but it’s all FAKE because you’re not actually touching them. To them I’ll say that is like calling all the shooting games fake because you’re not actually shooting living people. That’s totally true, you’re not. Except unlike shooting which is defined as a “physical” act, Love is an emotion and technically that doesn’t require physical contact.

imvu engagementPeople have fallen in love with other people at a distance for a long time. People fell in love with penpals, that they had very slow minimal contact with. Here we have immediate intense communication. So you can’t say that the love (an emotion) isn’t real just because you’re not touching them. But that isn’t the point of this post.

Love to me here isn’t defined as happily ever after. I think the success of love here is defined as how beautiful the journey is or was to you both and how good you feel afterwards. Sure there’s pain on the downside. That’s because it was so good on the upside and when you take away something that good you can’t help but feel hurt. But in the end, after the pain fades, if you still feel the love, with honest good feelings for each other, to me that’s a SUCCESSFUL LOVE.

Let me exlain. :) I loved Taylor with all my heart about 9 months ago. We had a fabulous love. Sure it’s sad that the romance wound up ending. It hurt at the time, A LOT! But in the end because it was real, and I really did want the best for her, I was happy that she was happy and in love again afterwards. I said at the time and still mean it every bit as much that I want to be her biggest cheerleader. And that’s why I had to say it here, loud and clear with all my heart, that I was totally thrilled to hear her and Stephi announce their engagement.

I say that not because I don’t love her but because I do, and honestly truly loved our time and always wanted the best for her, and for Stephi. So don’t anyone whisper or worry, and Taylor I wanna be in your wedding and life here. To me that’s a successful love in imvu. We enjoyed the process, made life beautiful for each other, and in the end love the memories and good feelings that last.

Touching Hearts and Lives

touch me tenderly sunsetYou never know how what you say or do sometimes affects people and makes such a huge difference. Even the smallest thing can sometimes make a huge difference not just in here, but in someone’s whole life. I can’t go into someone else’s story but one of my best friends wrote a three word message at the right time that changed someone’s whole life. You never know when the right caring word is going to reach someone in need.

This isn’t just a game, it opens you up to real people, real friends that can’t help but affect each other in so many different and often unpredictable but beautiful ways. Life principles seem to apply here even more, or maybe they’re just more visible without so many things in the way. Whatever the reason, realize that Karma applies here very strongly. The secret to getting friends is to be a friend. And the secret to getting love is to give love. And the secret to being happiness here is to uplift and love everyone around you. Maybe none of those things is really secret, and I’ve probably said all of that before, but it’s worth repeating. These are real people and have real lives, often in very different situations than we realize, touching lives in imvubut all with very real emotions. It’s fun and sexy but becomes so much more too.

Another of my friends made it her resolution to make new friends and help more people. I can’t say it enough about my friends in here. I’m truly blessed, with the most amazing friends more than anything and I just try to return some of that. Uplift everyone. Share your heart and love people and you’ll touch and be touched too!