A lot of things in here are very similar to how they are in real life but a few things are very different. One big difference is the morality. It took a while to understand this. I’m very conservative in real life and my first inclination was to be the same way in here.
What I learned over time though is that in here being physical is very different. Sure it doesn’t have the physical consequences as real life contact. But it’s more than that. I guess it’s partially because its not real, partially because that’s part of the spirit and purpose of the place, but its essentially the currency and way you interact and communicate in here.
In real life it’s bad to be looked at as a slut but in here being called a slut is almost a good thing kind of saying someone is open and loving and fun to be with. It’s not a derogatory term at all in here. That’s why I’m proud say I’ve been “SLUTIFIED!”
Don’t make your definition of friendship, whether or not someone will leave their other friends to talk to you. Or even whether that person invites you. Some of my best friends don’t invite me much and vice versa. What matters is the connection you feel with that person.
If they are in a room go join them. Don’t invite them and expect them to leave their other friends. That’s the definition of the opposite of a friend. Your wife or lover might do that but not a “friend”. And anyone that puts requirements on being their friend clearly isn’t a friend anyway. Threatening to leave or unfriend someone for not spending enough time with you means you’re the one not being a friend. It’s ok to unfriend acquaintances. But if you’re doing it to be vindictive, then you’re the one that’s not being a friend. We all lose track of even some good people. There are only so many hours in a day and there are way more good people here than there’s time to see.
Here are some good tips for building a friendship: If you really want to see someone that you’re not able to get time with, look for clues to who their friends are and try to make friends with them. Also search for their rooms and add them, or add any room you see them in to your favorite rooms. Never pressure someone in here to do anything, because they can just click away and pressure may back fire. Make them WANT to do it. Send them a nice roleplaying note with a gift that shows you shopped for something appropriate. Ask for a favor or for their opinion or tell them something small but kind of personal.
Unfortunately we all crash once in a while. People also get home, walk in or wake up early and we suddenly have to go. Real Life is first and unfortunately things just go wrong sometimes. Murphy’s Law says they go wrong at the worst times too.
You have get used to people crashing in IMVU sometimes. But if you were in the middle of things with someone you care about when you do crash, at least send a note to explain and apologize. They will understand and be gracious if you give them a chance to. If you don’t apologize and or explain you sudden departure you leave some doubt which can grow and make the other person think you don’t care and could do this again.
You don’t HAVE to give them a gift but if they’re important to you and you can, it does show sincerity. It’s ultimately the consideration of a note that’s most important. That is unless they really don’t matter to you or you want them to think that.
I wrote a post about imvu inviting a while ago but had a few more things to add.
When you invite someone ask if they other are busy before you get to far into a conversation.
When the other person is getting very slow in responding then using short replies (and not because you’re in the heat of things) offer to get together later to give them an out if they’re busy.
When someone invites you try to at least say something in the decline field. It acknowledges them. The exception is a public room with people because they won’t see it anyway.
When you invite someone if they can’t accept or don’t reply send a note, even if it’s just to say, I just wanted to say HI! It increases the chance of being accepted and reinforces that feeling of wanting to talk with them.
If you’re doing random invites try to at least have something interesting to say or an interesting room or something in common or that you can comment on. You don’t call someone and not have something to say, especially someone you don’t know but might like to.
If you crash early or in the middle of things and you’re not my best friend, if you don’t send a note I’m gonna be a lot harder to get a hold if in the future.
This was actually from about a week ago, and I didn’t get to publish it and I thought about it again today because I met Cyndia’s family today. They were great, and although there was certainly a wide variety in the people and characters, it was obvious that they were close and comfortable with each other.
It’s kind of interesting because you can tell how close people are by how hard it is to understand the conversation. The closer they are the more inside things are woven into their conversation and the more they just let things flow. But looking for and finding the right people to fit in with here is so cool. With that being said here’s how not to do it.
Guest_*removed*has joined the chat
Kaitlyn: How are you today?
Guest_*removed*: Im Janessa
Kaitlyn: I’m Kait :)
Guest_*removed*: Nice to meet u
Guest_*removed*: Im Lookin for a family
Kaitlyn: you don’t do it this way.
Kaitlyn: you go out and go through rooms that sound interesting
Kaitlyn: find people you like and be a friend
Kaitlyn: you don’t ask for a family
Guest_*removed*: oh okaay
Kaitlyn: you find one you fit in and feel a part of one.
Kaitlyn: a family is just a recognition of your closeness to a group of people.
Kaitlyn: you become family by being such great friends
Kaitlyn: that there’s no other way to describe it.
Kaitlyn: and you don’t just ask for that, you have to be a real friend and that takes time.
Guest_*removed*: so u can help me
Kaitlyn: then you’ll find one.
Kaitlyn: one that you feel like you belong in.
Kaitlyn: It’s not something some can just do to you or give you.
Guest_*removed*: ty can u help em
Kaitlyn: I guess I thought maybe telling you how to do it WAS helping you.
When people enter a room it’s important to acknowledge them and make them feel welcome. We all make judgements from our first impressions and we are deciding in the first couple seconds if the room is worth spending time at. In IMVU you can’t tell if people are awake and want to talk or dance with you from the body language the way you can in real life, that’s why its not just politeness but a necessity to greet people.
It also tells them who’s in charge or who to start talking to first. It also helps the other people in the room because when you’re immersed in a conversation it can be easy to overlook someone coming in. So there are a lot of good reasons to greet people and it’s just part of good IMVU manners. It helps make the room inviting and remember its the people that make the room and this is part of that.
One of my best friends asked me this recently and it’s the perfect type of question for here. IMVU tells you how to invite but nobody tells you when or how often is alright. First of all inviting someone you know is always a compliment and is always welcome. But it can be done poorly too, and the invitee also has to have the right to decline. Inviting a friend to talk with them isn’t the same thing as random invites which are usually a nuisance.
If you invite someone and they decline do not re-invite them unless it’s an emergency. If they ignored it, you can reinvite but only after 15 to 20 minutes. That gives them time to get back if they were away or busy for a few minutes and makes it less bothersome. If they ignore a second one don’t invite a third time that day. Send a message. The only exception to the above limits is if it’s your someone special or a friend on that level and/or a real emergency. Also don’t invite someone every time they come on especially if they don’t accept them every time. Inviting every time they come on or inviting repeatedly makes you look like you’re chasing rather than hunting.
When you decline, give a reason if you can. It makes it easier to accept a decline. If you can’t give a reason at the time or ignored it, send a note to say hello or touch base. If you might be able to get back to them it’s OK or even better to ignore it. That way it’ll be in your missed chat invites. Look at your missed chat invites if you’ve been away from your puter when you were on. Inviting wrong or not responding or checking your missed chats has caused issues and increased drama, so it’s important to try to do this correctly.
The bottom line is that, if you’re in doubt invite someone, but just don’t do it repeatedly or it can turn into a negative.
I think the best general rule is not to use more vb commands than actual text and don’t make them overlap or pile on and try not to repeat them too much. They should be a fun addition to your passion, not a crutch. If you looked at your chat and removed them would it still make sense and be sexy?
Another good rule is not to use them out loud when there are other people in the room. You can whisper them though. I didn’t realize that only the person you’re whispering to can hear it for a while either. So enjoy your vb but do it in proportion.
Girls in a lesbian club can all tell when a guy comes in with a girl’s avatar, because practically the first thing out of their mouth is a proposition. Whisper to one girl at a time after getting to know them, never just announce that you’re horny and want someone for sex. The only people who respond to that are other guys pretending to be girls. So you get what you deserve in the end.
Getting to know the other person makes it much better and more exciting. And you also have to make sure they’re literate and able to carry on an interesting conversation. If they’re good at talking they’ll be better in bed. So take some time and pay attention to who’s talking and flirt a little first. It’ll make it seem more real and more exciting.
If in doubt, act like you would in real life. If you wouldn’t walk into a room in rl and ask who wants to have sex, don’t walk into a virtual room and ask that. It’s going to have just as bad of a result.
It’s just too cliched. Find another way to say it or bring it up, like that you imagine them wearing sexy lingerie. Don’t come out and ask someone what they’re wearing if you can avoid it.