communication

Dispatches from an IMVU Scientist: Making RL better!

prof-kaitWe often worry about not letting imvu interfere with rl but a good friend of mine thought imvu helped her do better with her rl relationships by making her more open and communicative. How true! Here are some ways recently that I thought about on a recent trip to the Carribean:

1) Communication is key – to everything… Too often we hide what we really mean, sometimes to protect the other person’s feelings. But at least in my book, more communication is always better.

island2) Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want…. I have this problem that I don’t like asking for things. I don’t want to impose. I think of that Mel Gibson movie, What Women Want, where it takes a man getting magical powers (from a toaster of all places) to read women’s thoughts, to make them happy because girls often don’t say. So like #1, communicate. (I’m embarrassed to admit what I learned to ask for that made me think of this. But feel free to ask. It was totally only something that I got used to asking for on imvu before I was able to ask for it in rl.)

3) Be sexually adventurous. Imvu gives you so many ways to push boundaries. Explore in a safe environment. Last month, in our little island trip, we had a little bungalow, with a private pool on the deck (basically a glorified bath tub but still), it was hidden by trees but still public and I did things I would never have imagined myself doing just a couple years ago.

sz-swt4) Be aware of other’s feelings, validate them before stating your own– I mean, this is not just an imvu thing. A friend of mine who has been separated from her husband for like 4 years but still trying to make things work, said that was the biggest thing she learned from counseling. That in a fight, before you make your own point, its important to validate the feelings of the other person. That was the best piece of advice I got from my brother’s ex-‘s mother who was a life coach years ago, but imvu has given me lots of practice. In a fight, we worry so much about our own point of view, because we just want to be heard. So one good way to calm the tension is to make sure the other person knows they are heard. Tell them you get it. That’s usually all any of us want.


IMVU and real life, sometimes a tough combination!

Story writingSometimes it’s difficult to find the right balance in IMVU, especially when your pressure at work increases. Sometimes it gets hard to keep up and IMVU and real life don’t always mix well. We all have a life and sometimes life just gets in the way or your fun, making it hard to even keep in touch with my best friends in this crazy virtual world.

I have to admit that I’ve spent a lot of time on DND or AWAY mode the last few weeks because I usually try to spend as much time I can in “our” public dream room. It’s kind of been my home away from home lately. I just love how the room relaxes me during this stressful and hectic period in real life. Even if I can’t always be “physically or mentally” present it is so soothing –lol-. Do not hesitate to just came in once in a while for just a simple hello or even a snuggle in. Something I really miss lately!!

This all has made me think of how it might be when I turn my back at this virtual world for a while or even leave IMVU for a period! Would anyone really miss me or would there be anyone who even thinks of that crazy girl from the Netherlands?

I still try to send some messages to various friends and sometimes even a story with several episodes. This isn’t always easy because English isn’t my native language and sometimes I need to use a translator to find the right words. Do not hesitate to dive into your pen…or I guess your keyboard. Make up a story, send a message or reply at something someone else send you. I feel the magic of a smile when someone reads something I wrote. I always smile when I send that new message knowing how it helps keep us close.Reading messages and poetry

I can never leave IMVU for several reasons. I know down to the bottom of my heart that I’ve found the most beautiful true love and this is something I couldn’t even dare to dream about for a long time. The feeling of being in love is something magical than I can’t even find words for. And the friendships that I’ve built within this virtual world of IMVU with the most special people. That’s why even though it’s hard, life gets in the way for all of us, it’s important to have this sanctuary, filled with friends and love supporting and caring about you. So send messages and keep in touch even through the busy times. Send that smile and feel the magic of connecting because your friends need it as much as you do!!


Holidays are an excuse to keep in touch.

sexy imvu christmas costumes

sexy imvu christmas costumes
IMVU is also one big giant party in a lot of ways too so any reason to celebrate or connect with friends is great. Whether its birthdays, weddings, anniversaries or holidays. Unfortunately we don’t all have the same holidays sometimes but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a good time and have a party or at least write your friends.

I always look for any excuse to write my IMVU friends. I think that’s because I like getting messages and the key to getting messages is to send them. I don’t really like the canned ones that tell you to resend it to all your friends though. They don’t seem like real messages or something I want to promote, although sometimes I’ll send one of those just without the part about resending it to everyone you know.

On 12-12-12 I sent out a short two sentence message to all of my good friends and had a great time yesterday getting so many replies. It’s important to keep in touch and stay on their message list. I don’t get to spend time with everyone i really want too but I try to supplement with messages especially around holidays. So use the holidays as an excuse to write and get back in touch with your friends in here.


Communicate delicately

Communication is important but there are also times when it’s better to let things go and not to talk to much or to quickly. And you always have to keep people’s feelings in mind.

I’ve said communication is the most important thing in IMVU but you also have to be sensitive. If someone says they don’t want to talk about it, it’s good to be supportive but it’s wrong to push or force them.

communication in imvuThere are times when it’s better to let your emotions die down before talking. This is especially true with tense or angry emails. Let them sit for at least 24 hours or share and discuss it with a friend, not the person involved.

Communication is important but it’s important to do it delicately sometimes too. That’s not hiding things, that’s part of getting along smoothly.


Make it sexy

how to be sexy in imvu

how to be sexy in imvu
You can make anything sexy if you describe it graphically and vividly. The more detailed you make it, the more the reader can feel it. Say how you feel. Describe even little actions descriptively with lots of adjectives to make it fun.

Katy is the best and taught me this. She also taught me something else recently. The longer the description the more it means. That’s true in everything. If you write wb it’s nice but writing Welcome Back is stronger. Writing, “running across the room and jumping into your arms enthusiastically” means more than “Hugggs.” I guess that’s kind of obvious when you think about it, and I knew it, but it’s easy to get lazy when I’m just reading and typing away and trying to be effecient.

bunny love You can see this when you see someone really good at it. I watched Katy make Gabby a virtual drink one time and was just amazed at the vividness of it. I’m not a bar tender and honestly don’t know many drinks but it was awesome to watch. That’s also what I look for when I go to a room looking around and wondering who to approach. Even if I don’t talk much to them when that person leaves I’m going to request them, because you just know that person would be good to talk to. So be vivid and paint a picture everyone can feel. Share your heart and thoughts and describe every little detail at least sometimes. All we have here are words so be super descriptive and make it powerful and fun.


Having someone you can talk to can be priceless.

I love deep heart felt sharing with special friends

I love deep heart felt sharing with special friendsOne of the nicest things about IMVU is the ability to talk to someone, really talk to them about anything. Your friends here are detached, and not involved in the issues, don’t have any angle or concern about anything other than you. In some ways I sometimes feel a therapist at times, or just a trusted and experienced friend and vice versa with them. But no matter what being able to share back and forth in a really honest heartfelt way is invaluable. It’s something you just don’t get anywhere in real life very often, if at all. I have friends, in the PTA, from church and cub scouts and some neighbors but you just don’t talk about deep personal things with them like you can in here.

my imvu friends really are pricelessI remember one of my best friends had a co-worker that came into IMVU and she said it was funny because her friend would talk about things much more personal in here than the same friend ever would with her in person. Where else can you have deep talks about relationships one minute and be laughing till you cry with someone the next minute. I also love sharing the fun and emotions, living vicariously through really great friends that I have a full heart connection with. Snuggling and holding a beautiful friend in your arms or slow dancing while you share things you can’t tell anyone else is sure a lot more fun than a therapist, and cheaper too. The only side effect is a lot of tears and a little more laundry.


Use some Fairy Magic

sexy fairy love in imvu

sexy fairy love in imvu

Part 1 of 2:

You open you desk drawer and see an envelope with a big red perfect lipstick kiss on it. You quickly check to see if anyone is watching as you pull it out, smiling so big. It has very elegant and shiny silver ink lettering and sparkles fall and float from the paper into your lap as you open it. The fragrance of summer flowers comes from it and your fingers seem to sparkle as you hold it… continued!

Add gift: http://www.imvu.com/shop/product.php?products_id=6026604

Part 2 of 2:

Dear *****,

You light up my heart with your cheerful attitude and I can’t wait to see you again. I’ve thought about you and the special magic we’ve shared, a lot today. It’s so fun to laugh and play with you. You make my whole body light up and my soul smile. I’ve included some special Enchanted fairy love dust in here that will make you feel very happy almost giddy, and really heighten your senses although it does tend to make some people day dream. But they will be very good dreams. Whatever you do though don’t get it near your private areas. Enjoy and I’ll see you soon, my Love :)

Kisses!
Kait…

Looking down you and you notice to your dismay the sparkles in the lap of your short skirt. You instinctively brush it away only to see it flurry and shimmer. You look away and try to brush it away quietly only to realize it was on your fingers and you feel all kinds of tingling….

This is just a cute note I sent, that I thought might inspire someone. I sent it with a sparkling gift, but you can do it with anything. The point isn’t that you or anyone should send a fairy note, but just to show how making a fun little story to go with a small gift can make someone feel really special and good about you. There’s a million different ways you can do it. I like to send Susan’s “drooling” action with a note saying that since you make me drool I thought it was only fair to make you drool (http://www.imvu.com/shop/product.php?products_id=14605983). I’ve also sent a blind fold or hand cuffs with really fun stories or an appropriate song. It depends on the type of fun you had or want to have with the person and your imagination.


Messages, sweet or just for fun?

A few days ago, I got a great idea to send several friends the same message. A little inspired by Kait, her previous story in “Passing sexy notes” in the category “Fun Messages“.

While I was writing this story I could see in my mind the faces of many friends when they read it, and enjoyed it a bit feeling a little sneaky. A message with a wink and a smile should I say! I was curious about the reactions of those that I send this story, and whether there would be someone who would continued this story and would send it back. This didn’t happen, but the reactions I received have been very sweet and nice. I really laughed a lot with this story and especially because there were some who thought this story was actually really happening! Lol … I will not tell any names Kait, so don’t worry.

The point was just how much fun it was to and write a sweet, nice of sexy story. See what the reactions are of those that you send your story to. Maybe you get a sweet, cute or nice message back or maybe there is someone who continue the story where you have ended this. As a tip I would say, write your story first in something like word. This makes it easier to send everyone the same story. Have fun and good luck…xxx

 

Today was an exciting day for me. I have met some time ago, someone at IMVU and had agreed with her that she could come over for a few days and stay with me when she visiting Europe. Oh so exciting, our first real date! Today was that day dawned, very nervous and very tense where I waiting at the airport for her when her flight would land. I had already looked at the clock several times whether I would be on time and checked her flight data several times. On the TV screen at the airport I could see that her flight had landed exactly on time and my heart began to beat faster at the thought that we would meet today in real. I stood with a big sign with her name written on it and waited at the exit of arrival hall number 3! Many people came through the exit, but not the girl I was waiting for…I tried to call her but got no answer. Maybe she missed her flight? Quickly I checked my email…not any sign of her! Helplessly, I looked around!! Hopefully that I could find her between all the people. I looked so….. 

frighten and helpless until a hand was laid on my shoulder and an arm wrapped around my middle. A soft, sultry voice whispered behind me…I LOVE YOU WENDY! My heart began to beat faster and hit my sorrow into joy…I turned myself around and my eyes began to shine. Oh we both had already waited so long and finally were there the day that she has arrived at the airport! Our first meeting…We looked at each other and started laughing, both nervous and a bit tense! Oh she was even much prettier than at the pictures she had sent me. There was also our first kiss, first volatile followed by a passionate loving kiss. Oh a tingling floats through my full body and I felt myself glowing from the tip of my head till my toes! We had almost forgotten where we were and thought even less of all the people around us. That moment, we have had only eyes for each other! Even if we have stood on a treadmill it was not even noticed us!! After a while she picked up her luggage and I took her hand…….


Passing Sexy Notes

writing notes and sexy messages in imvu

I wrote a sexy note to a friend and decided it was good and had to save and reuse it. I sent it to 3 or 4 friends that it seemed appropriate to send it to. One sexy friend who’s the best at notes continued where I left off and before we knew it we both making the sexiest story together. It’s always good to send notes. Don’t use my note, but hopefully you enjoy it and it inspires you.

writing notes and sexy messages in imvuHere’s my first note:
You hear soft footsteps behind you and a finger light trails on your shoulders and your neck like a poor silent glide your waste. You feel a shiver dance down your spine when I kiss your neck, and my breasts gently pressing it against your back. My pillow turn to snacks and move to the side of your neck as my second arm slides around you. My whole body is now pressed against your back and you think I have a naked or not wearing much in the heat of my skin. you try to make your head spin, but my lips feel your ear, and my warm breath in your ear. A hand slides up your chest and the other sides down your belly. a low animal sound as my tongue dances moaning in your ear and my fingers fine to trace your panty line, rubbing the side fabric gently. you close your eyes and one arm back confirming your suspicion as you squeeze my bare ass, reaching pulled me harder against you. My pussy grinds against you I like as I mouth hoarse words in your ear, I love you ….

Her first response:
Slowly I close my eyes and enjoy the moment with you behind me. With my hand on your bare ass I press you closer to me. I feel the warmth of your body through the soft fabric of my nighty. The hot breath from your mouth feels like a gentle breeze in my neck. You soft kisses on my neck betray my tickling spots! I try to turn my head slightly to give you more freedom in my neck. Even though I know that I can hardly handle this spot, but the enjoyment and feeling that my body is going through is indescribable. My whole body trembles at the touch of your kisses and tonque in my neck. My other arm goes behind your head while my fingers play with your beautiful long soft hair. I arch my back a bit and feel my knees buckling. Softly I whisper, while I hear the tremor in my voice that I love you. I hear your laugh between the kisses and feel how your hand slowly teasingly along the soft material of my undies slips. Suddenly your other hand moves down too and grabs my nighty at both sides…

Read the full conversation!
(more…)


Say what you need to say…

Note from Kait: You might want to scroll down and click on the YouTube video below for Say What You Need to Say before you read this. I thought that was kind of the theme for this post about writing notes by my best friend Wendy. Wendy is the perfect person to write about writing notes and she’s also in a great new love which is so beautiful to watch atm too. She and Wendy, both write the most amazing, sweetest, most endearing notes I’ve ever seen in here. It’s even more impressive when you realize English is a second language for her.

In IMVU, it’s often easy to love, but to really fall in love the person behind the avi and feel their heart and soul with yours takes some effort and a lot of communication. That type of true Love is absolutely wonderful and it gives you the most amazing walking on air, invincible feeling. Every time you get a message or even just re-read one, you get a very special feeling. A feeling of jitters or butterflies in your stomach, that brings back day dreams of the person of your dreams. This feeling is wonderful but it takes some effort and with busy lives and time differences we can’t always be on at the same time. That’s why it’s so important to keep in touch with messages and keep reminding the other person why he / she is so special to you.

Let the words flow from your heart and write the messages as personal as possible. If you’re newly in love, that may be difficult because you know little about each other. Personalize them with that little bit that you do know, and share your heart. Sometimes write deep things, and other times write short little notes or stories. Mix in some funny humorous comments here and there too. Sharing emotions is important and laughter is a great emotion too and can lighten it and keep it fun. Even if you’ve never done it before, try writing out a descriptive role play type message about sneaking up and hugging them or waking them up in the morning. IMVU is nice because you can include a gift as a prop. IMVU messages are limited to 1000 characters so if you write him / her a longer love letter, you may be able to send emails, if you’ve shared email addresses.

Another note from Kait: She wrote a very good example of what you could say, but I thought this might be a good place to surprise her and show off a little at the same time. So I’m including the actual poem she wrote for me, because I really love it and her so much.

A feeling
So sweet and so naughty,
So pretty and so funny,
So everything,

You are like magic, but way cooler
Like a teddy bear, but softer
Like an orgasm, but more intense
I don’t think you are human,

You are an angel with no wings,
You create so many things,
You turn my world around,
You make me fall on the ground,

But i don’t care cause i know its you.
A look in your eyes
Is worth me more than anything in the world to

I respect you,
love you,
need you.

You are there for me,
And I will always be there for you.
And that is the best feeling in the world.

I am so addicted to this feeling
I go to sleep with it,
And wake up with it,
It’s in my heart,
It’s in my mind.

I love you Kait, kisses xxx Wendy


Send a joke to friends…

my sexy imvu friend made me laugh

sexy imvu koala bear pose
We all love to get messages. Whether it’s for a holiday, or something important or just something funny. I get a lot of stuff in my regular email that some people blast out to everyone and I read it if it’s short but don’t like to do that with email. But in here messages seem a little more personal. You can’t really blast them out as much so people don’t get as many and they seem more personal.

My friend Cindy, recently sent me two jokes about Koala bears that I thought were funny. They weren’t original, they’ve been out there for a little while if you google them. That really doesn’t matter though. The point here isn’t the joke, but just that sending a joke and making your friend smile and think of you is a good thing.

“A Koala bear walks into a bar and picks up a woman. Takes her back to his place and perfoms oral sex on her. After satisfying her he just gets up to leave. She insist that he stay longer. He hands her a handout from Australlia that idetifies him as an animal that “eats bushes and leaves.”

“So this koala bear is hanging out in a tree smoking weed when a lizard comes strolling across the branch and says “watcha doin there koala bear?” the koala answers “smoking some weed. you want some?” so the lizard agrees and they smoke a joint. well the lizard gets cotton mouth and decides hes gonna go out to the end of the branch and get some water out of the river. he gets down to the edge of the branch and falls in. he crawls up the bank and sees this gator hanging out. the gator asks him what he was doing. the lizard says ” well i was up in this tree here smoking weed with a koala bear and got cotton mouth so i went to the edge of that branch to get some water and i fell im the river.” the gator says “a koala bear and a lizard smokin weed? i gotta see this!” so the gator goes to the trunk of the tree and yells for the koala bear. the koala bear looks down and see the gator and says ” holy shit lizard! how much water did you drink!?!?” hehe “

Bonus giggle:
Q: What is a bear’s favorite drink?
A: Koka-Koala!


Keep your IMVU messages

messages from imvu friends

Two tips about messages, well other than to send loving ones and to send them often. I don’t delete my messages because I’m lazy but also because if anything happens sometimes I find I have to find things or old gifts. It’s nice to have them available in a kind of time line, that you can look back through and see friends you might have lost track of. But there are two problems with messages in IMVU. They don’t have a date, and you can’t search them. Sometimes it’s important to know the date a message was sent or find all of the messages about a topic which you just can’t do at all in IMVU.

The second tip, I got from Katy and wish I learned a long time ago, is that you can get your messages via email. I was paranoid when I signed up so of course I said no emails for anything. And I didn’t even realize that getting my messages sent via email was an option. Even if you don’t want to see them or let them into your regular email, you can send them to a yahoo email address to create an automatic imvu message archive with a safe, secure third party. That solves the time and date issue, and makes them much more searchable. It doesn’t let you look through them and see who’s online the way IMVU does so I’ll still keep them there too.

If you think you might stay here for a while get a yahoo email address and send a copy of your messages there just in case you need them. It’s also a great way to protect yourself in case IMVU goes ballistic on you or your account gets hacked. If you had to start over you wouldn’t lose your messages and therefore could reinvite most of your friends.

Here is the link for your imvu email preferences

Another good resource is this form that Lets you send a message to anyone that hasn’t blocked you, even if they only accept messages from friends.


What makes something sexy?

king and sexy queen on thrown in imvu

Sexy IMVU Dance
The other title I considered for this post was “It’s not the Pose that makes it sexy.” I love sexy poses, don’t get me wrong. But it’s really not the pose that makes something sexy. I had two examples of this today I thought I’d mention. The first was a chat with someone that started out saying they wanted to have sex with me and then said he had a lot of great poses. I sat on a couch and he started dancing on a pole. I use the word dancing loosely because all they did was click the spot and ask me if I wanted him. It was quiet at the time and I was more than willing. But that just wasn’t very sexy.

I told him to sit down and started describing it, giving it some background and describing my feelings of fear and anticipation but how I desperately needed to please him. I was a young sexy slave girl and he was a king and my family lived on his land. (it was a castle type of room) I described the pole nestled between my legs and wrapping my body around it as I slowly slid, up and down letting the music move me. This is a virtual place and you get out of as much as you put into it. And my lust filled eyes and hands roaming over my soft young body was much more vivid and exciting than just clicking a spot and asking if I wanted him.

Unfortunately for him, I got another invite as I was doing this with a very sexy girlfriend. All we did was dance. It wasn’t about a pose or what we were wearing at all. It was just purely sexy and loving. I took over a gigabyte of video and pictures and had two orgasms before she even slowed down enough to let me do anything in return. I made two videos of it, one with the first half just getting it going (trying to make the point without being bad), and the second longer version of the video with my two orgasms on it. I’m not putting it in the private section with a password because it was visually graphic, but just because I don’t want to put too much out there for the whole world and make them think I’m a sex fiend (blushing). The point is just that your brain is what makes something really sexy. And it took more thought and effort but was immeasurably better and more than worth it, trust me.


A Great Gift Message

imvu butterflies

pink butterfly imvu fairyI just wanted to share a great note I just got. It was from Quidlyn and it’s great because it paints such a vivid picture in your mind and gives such a warm loving feeling. Its a great example of how the right note makes a gift incredibly special.

…a rainbowed butterfly comes floating by, carrying a note dropped to your hand. the parchment thick, wax seal affixed, bearing the letter K, the script of some dream land. You carefully remove the seal, unfolding the square letter, revealing a sprinkling of gold stars inside. A sudden wind gust lifts the confetti into the air, swirling you within a cloud of sparkles. In careful calligraphic script, the note reads… Instructions: 1) Throw arms around self, squeezing tight. 2) Close eyes. 3) Imagine my arms holding you tight. Thank you so much for your lovely gift. Please find pinki to keep you company when I cannot be around.

When you this much creativity and effort into it, it makes the gift so much more special and makes them feel good and feel good about you.


IMVU Fairies can tear down your walls

imvu fairy fantasy

sexy imvu fairy perch The most amazing thing in here is the level of connection that you can develop with the people you’re close to. And if you don’t get derailed along the way, each relationship seems to build on each other. Everyone is unique but as you go through your journey here you may discover that it gets easier and easier to let your walls down.

I think the way our walls seem to come down in here is what allows us to build such amazing friendships. And each time we let our walls down we learn to let them down more and more easily. You have to learn to protect your heart and if you get hurt too badly when things don’t work out you can get derailed. But aside from that if you can learn to love the ride, it does get better and better as you learn to share. And that connection, that sharing is amazingly powerful.

I have found an amazing connection with my Twin Lyn Katy. We started talking and I had been working on a Fairy outfit for a friend, and one thing led to another. We honestly had the most amazing intimate and loving time together, with nothing more than a kiss and tearing down our walls.


Hands free comes in handy

Kait talks alot and will not shut up


One of my best secret tips here is Dragon Naturally Speaking. I type pretty fast but there are times when not having to type comes in very handy. I find it does still take one hand to correct a few things and hit return but once you use it you’re gonna be spoiled. I crashed the other day and it wasn’t working when in restarted so I had to leave and come back another time. I have been thinking about putting this post up for a while but I just got a good discount coupon from TigerDirect so I figured this was a good time to put it up. It’s usually not this cheap. SO click the image below or check TigerDirect right away or search for version 10 or 11 on ebay if you want it even cheaper.


Setting ground rules

Just dancing with my friend Foxxy

dancing with a foxxy friendA new friend (Girl7770) made an important point the other day, about setting ground rules. There are so many different types of relationships in here and a much wider broader range of what’s acceptable than anything in real life. You’ll want to make sure you are compatible in several areas, such as whether you could ever take anything off of here and have real life potential, the level of communication, both in terms of the amount of time and what things if any beyond IMVU would be acceptable. Time zones and the amount of time and times of day you intend to commit are considerations, because there’s nothing harder than being committed to someone that’s not around or is only available at a time you can’t be here.

The other big area that you need to make sure you’re on the same page with is your exclusivity. First of all, this isn’t real life and seeing other people here may not be cheating at all, and in any case isn’t really the same thing as doing it in real life. Exclusivity goes against the grain of IMVU. It’s not that it’s impossible but it’s harder to do in here than real life. It’s like limiting yourself to one ride in Disney World. There is temptation around every corner. Also be aware that your partner probably needs some time away with other friends, to be really healthy and happy too.

There are a variety of ways that people handle it. Some couples make a list of acceptable partners that the other can play with, or a list they can’t play with. Some say it’s OK to do when the other is on and some say only when the other is off. Some people limit themselves to no orgasm, no penetration, or just about any variation you can dream up, someone is probably doing that. The point is that you have to understand what your expectations and behavior should be. This should certainly be a much bigger post with a better break down and maybe even a survey too.

The trick to making a relationship work here (as in real life) is communication. Also realize that things change and evolve in here so this may be something you’ll have to revisit. And if your partner’s doing something that’s not comfortable for you, you have to talk about it. To keep it bottled up until it blows up is even worse. And please don’t attack them for breaking the rules if they don’t know them. From personal experience that is really not fair. Relationships are what this place is all about and can be absolutely awesome, but they require even more communication than they do in real life.


Stay Focused

When you’re with someone be with them. IMVU is chock full of distractions on top of distractions. Add to that our real world, my kids especially, and then phone calls or god forbid work and it seems almost impossible to focus some days. This was my best friend Morgan’s point and I have to admit I’m as bad as anyone about this. This is especially true during the day which is why the best time for me is late at night when everyone else is asleep.

I guess I’m probably involved in too many different circles and admit it’s hard to keep up and be there for so many friends at times. You can’t help but get chat invites from several people sometimes, and you have to be honest and decline sometimes, not because you don’t care, but because you do. This is a good rule of thumb when you’re talking and an absolute law if you’re getting intimate.

There is nothing worse then waiting and waiting for a response from your partner in the middle of intimacy. It’s the equivalent of falling to sleep in the middle of sex, and it’s one of the best ways to be a bad lover and annoy your partner. So don’t be upset if someone declines your chat. It’s better to do that, than to cut your attention and detract from quality time with your partner.


Huge Tip: Follow up and Communi-Kait

always follow up and communicate

Communi-KaitOne of the most important things to do in building a relationship is the follow up. It’s the difference between the start of a relationship and a one time thing. It doesn’t have to be huge but a small note that takes less than a minute to send can literally make all the difference.

When you add someone as a friend, send a quick note. If someone leaves before you have a chance to say good bye, send a note. If you see something that makes you think of someone, send a note. And it’s especially important to send a nice note after intimacy. That’s one of the most important things you can do not only because it’s the right thing to do, but its just smart because it increases the odds of another encounter.

I like to send my badge afterwards too, but I still try to send a note too. Also think about sending 30 to 40 cents worth of credits in the form of a small sexy gift not just to show your appreciation but because it can increase the odds of another time. It’s also honestly as nice to give something, as it is to give, with someone you really care about.

No note and no gift puts you down in the middle to bottom of my list. It’s not even that I need the credits, but it makes me feel appreciated and loved. It’s not that I’m selling anything really but it really does make me feel good about the person. It doesn’t have to be something big or even every time. But this place runs on communication, and the little bit of communication afterwards is extremely important.


Even if you can’t be there communicate. 

IMVU requires and fosters a lot of communicationWe all have things come up that prevent us from being able to be here from time to time. Your real life always has to be first. When you’re away for an extended period of time though, remember it’s not that you’re not here that hurts you relationships, it’s the lack of communication. It doesn’t even have to be a lot of communication either. The hardest thing to take in a virtual relationship, is an extended period of dead silence. 

Fortunately with smart cell phones today you can almost always have some contact. It doesn’t usually take much either. You’ll also probably be surprised at how patient and understanding they can be if you ask them.  They want to share the challenges with you and they have issues too, we all do. But doubt will creep into even the strongest relationship if you don’t communicate at all.  Send an email, text message, Yahoo msgr, or a message in IMVU. Whatever you do, don’t leave someone you care about hanging.

This also relates to and brings up a previous post and point about making an emergency contact system. If you are in a car accident or something that prevents you from even getting an email out give you closest friend an email address or phone number of someone in real life to call to see if anything has happened to you after a certain amount of time. You don’t want them to be calling the hospitals in your area afraid something horrible has happened.


Honesty (in IMVU?!)

It's not easy being green, especially when you're about to be bred with Aliens

STARinTheHeavens

The head of a very successful Role Playing family said, “The trick to this is to be brutally honest, totally open and letting your heart flow.”

One reminder though, being honest doesn’t mean giving out your personal information. It just means not lying. Once you do start lying you’ll have to remember who you told what to and you’ll have to keep on making bigger and bigger lies.

On the other hand, you can be too honest. A friend’s boyfriend was reluctant to set a date for their wedding and she said he was busy with work. I don’t know him but said that is a valid excuse to wait in RL, but since you can get married so easily in here without a lot of time or expense if you want to, it may be that he’s afraid to commit. It turned out that it was true and he was also using another avi, but she blew up and blamed me for ruining her relationship when I basically just told her he was giving her an excuse. That’s also an example of how drama can find you even if it’s just being honest and no ill will or intent to hurt anyone.

No post about honesty in IMVU would be complete without some other advice too.
STARnTheHeavens (a wonderful woman I wish I had more time to hang out with) said, “Don’t expect the person to be the person you think they are.”
In other words, take EVERYTHING with a grain of salt. We all try to portray a more positive image of our selves. Putting on a good front and wanting other people to like us is normal. Making up your whole situation is too much. But we’ve all seen it, believe me. If you have a funny or interesting story about honesty or dishonesty,


Share your Heart

I love you

When you first get started in IMVU you think you’re attractive because of the outside. You work hard to come up with the right combination of pixels. But in reality those are still just pixels. And you can change them very easily. It’s kind of ironic in a sense if you think about it but what ultimately makes you attractive in here is actually the inside.

Let people get to know you as you get to know them and you’ll understand. The sexy outfits are nice but they are just a tool to show how you feel inside which is what counts. The unique ability to share your heart and soul without caring about the outside is the real magic of IMVU.


Fun Message from IMVU Neighborhood Watch

imvu security, neighboorhood watch, joke,
WARNING: This is IMVU Security. Someone has been seen reading your profile and visiting your home page frequently. We believe they may be stalking you and even trying to get close to and take advantage of you. If you see any suspicious activity, please reply to this message right away and we will send someone over to investigate more thoroughly. In the mean time, dress in sexy clothes and keep plenty of alcohol on hand, and check your batteries, in case of emergencies.

~~IMVU neighborhood watch!


Share everyday things

In a RL relationship you do normal things together. A good friend Gabby that’s great at relationships, tries to do normal things together here too, like eating together or just hanging out and watching youtube.