We often worry about not letting imvu interfere with rl but a good friend of mine thought imvu helped her do better with her rl relationships by making her more open and communicative. How true! Here are some ways recently that I thought about on a recent trip to the Carribean:
1) Communication is key – to everything… Too often we hide what we really mean, sometimes to protect the other person’s feelings. But at least in my book, more communication is always better.
2) Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want…. I have this problem that I don’t like asking for things. I don’t want to impose. I think of that Mel Gibson movie, What Women Want, where it takes a man getting magical powers (from a toaster of all places) to read women’s thoughts, to make them happy because girls often don’t say. So like #1, communicate. (I’m embarrassed to admit what I learned to ask for that made me think of this. But feel free to ask. It was totally only something that I got used to asking for on imvu before I was able to ask for it in rl.)
3) Be sexually adventurous. Imvu gives you so many ways to push boundaries. Explore in a safe environment. Last month, in our little island trip, we had a little bungalow, with a private pool on the deck (basically a glorified bath tub but still), it was hidden by trees but still public and I did things I would never have imagined myself doing just a couple years ago.
4) Be aware of other’s feelings, validate them before stating your own– I mean, this is not just an imvu thing. A friend of mine who has been separated from her husband for like 4 years but still trying to make things work, said that was the biggest thing she learned from counseling. That in a fight, before you make your own point, its important to validate the feelings of the other person. That was the best piece of advice I got from my brother’s ex-‘s mother who was a life coach years ago, but imvu has given me lots of practice. In a fight, we worry so much about our own point of view, because we just want to be heard. So one good way to calm the tension is to make sure the other person knows they are heard. Tell them you get it. That’s usually all any of us want.
Sometimes it’s difficult to find the right balance in IMVU, especially when your pressure at work increases. Sometimes it gets hard to keep up and IMVU and real life don’t always mix well. We all have a life and sometimes life just gets in the way or your fun, making it hard to even keep in touch with my best friends in this crazy virtual world.
I have to admit that I’ve spent a lot of time on DND or AWAY mode the last few weeks because I usually try to spend as much time I can in “our” public dream room. It’s kind of been my home away from home lately. I just love how the room relaxes me during this stressful and hectic period in real life. Even if I can’t always be “physically or mentally” present it is so soothing –lol-. Do not hesitate to just came in once in a while for just a simple hello or even a snuggle in. Something I really miss lately!!
This all has made me think of how it might be when I turn my back at this virtual world for a while or even leave IMVU for a period! Would anyone really miss me or would there be anyone who even thinks of that crazy girl from the Netherlands?
I still try to send some messages to various friends and sometimes even a story with several episodes. This isn’t always easy because English isn’t my native language and sometimes I need to use a translator to find the right words. Do not hesitate to dive into your pen…or I guess your keyboard. Make up a story, send a message or reply at something someone else send you. I feel the magic of a smile when someone reads something I wrote. I always smile when I send that new message knowing how it helps keep us close.
I can never leave IMVU for several reasons. I know down to the bottom of my heart that I’ve found the most beautiful true love and this is something I couldn’t even dare to dream about for a long time. The feeling of being in love is something magical than I can’t even find words for. And the friendships that I’ve built within this virtual world of IMVU with the most special people. That’s why even though it’s hard, life gets in the way for all of us, it’s important to have this sanctuary, filled with friends and love supporting and caring about you. So send messages and keep in touch even through the busy times. Send that smile and feel the magic of connecting because your friends need it as much as you do!!
IMVU is also one big giant party in a lot of ways too so any reason to celebrate or connect with friends is great. Whether its birthdays, weddings, anniversaries or holidays. Unfortunately we don’t all have the same holidays sometimes but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a good time and have a party or at least write your friends.
I always look for any excuse to write my IMVU friends. I think that’s because I like getting messages and the key to getting messages is to send them. I don’t really like the canned ones that tell you to resend it to all your friends though. They don’t seem like real messages or something I want to promote, although sometimes I’ll send one of those just without the part about resending it to everyone you know.
On 12-12-12 I sent out a short two sentence message to all of my good friends and had a great time yesterday getting so many replies. It’s important to keep in touch and stay on their message list. I don’t get to spend time with everyone i really want too but I try to supplement with messages especially around holidays. So use the holidays as an excuse to write and get back in touch with your friends in here.
I’ve said communication is the most important thing in IMVU but you also have to be sensitive. If someone says they don’t want to talk about it, it’s good to be supportive but it’s wrong to push or force them.
There are times when it’s better to let your emotions die down before talking. This is especially true with tense or angry emails. Let them sit for at least 24 hours or share and discuss it with a friend, not the person involved.
Communication is important but it’s important to do it delicately sometimes too. That’s not hiding things, that’s part of getting along smoothly.
You can make anything sexy if you describe it graphically and vividly. The more detailed you make it, the more the reader can feel it. Say how you feel. Describe even little actions descriptively with lots of adjectives to make it fun.
Katy is the best and taught me this. She also taught me something else recently. The longer the description the more it means. That’s true in everything. If you write wb it’s nice but writing Welcome Back is stronger. Writing, “running across the room and jumping into your arms enthusiastically” means more than “Hugggs.” I guess that’s kind of obvious when you think about it, and I knew it, but it’s easy to get lazy when I’m just reading and typing away and trying to be effecient.
You can see this when you see someone really good at it. I watched Katy make Gabby a virtual drink one time and was just amazed at the vividness of it. I’m not a bar tender and honestly don’t know many drinks but it was awesome to watch. That’s also what I look for when I go to a room looking around and wondering who to approach. Even if I don’t talk much to them when that person leaves I’m going to request them, because you just know that person would be good to talk to. So be vivid and paint a picture everyone can feel. Share your heart and thoughts and describe every little detail at least sometimes. All we have here are words so be super descriptive and make it powerful and fun.
One of the nicest things about IMVU is the ability to talk to someone, really talk to them about anything. Your friends here are detached, and not involved in the issues, don’t have any angle or concern about anything other than you. In some ways I sometimes feel a therapist at times, or just a trusted and experienced friend and vice versa with them. But no matter what being able to share back and forth in a really honest heartfelt way is invaluable. It’s something you just don’t get anywhere in real life very often, if at all. I have friends, in the PTA, from church and cub scouts and some neighbors but you just don’t talk about deep personal things with them like you can in here.
I remember one of my best friends had a co-worker that came into IMVU and she said it was funny because her friend would talk about things much more personal in here than the same friend ever would with her in person. Where else can you have deep talks about relationships one minute and be laughing till you cry with someone the next minute. I also love sharing the fun and emotions, living vicariously through really great friends that I have a full heart connection with. Snuggling and holding a beautiful friend in your arms or slow dancing while you share things you can’t tell anyone else is sure a lot more fun than a therapist, and cheaper too. The only side effect is a lot of tears and a little more laundry.