We often worry about not letting imvu interfere with rl but a good friend of mine thought imvu helped her do better with her rl relationships by making her more open and communicative. How true! Here are some ways recently that I thought about on a recent trip to the Carribean:
1) Communication is key – to everything… Too often we hide what we really mean, sometimes to protect the other person’s feelings. But at least in my book, more communication is always better.
2) Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want…. I have this problem that I don’t like asking for things. I don’t want to impose. I think of that Mel Gibson movie, What Women Want, where it takes a man getting magical powers (from a toaster of all places) to read women’s thoughts, to make them happy because girls often don’t say. So like #1, communicate. (I’m embarrassed to admit what I learned to ask for that made me think of this. But feel free to ask. It was totally only something that I got used to asking for on imvu before I was able to ask for it in rl.)
3) Be sexually adventurous. Imvu gives you so many ways to push boundaries. Explore in a safe environment. Last month, in our little island trip, we had a little bungalow, with a private pool on the deck (basically a glorified bath tub but still), it was hidden by trees but still public and I did things I would never have imagined myself doing just a couple years ago.
4) Be aware of other’s feelings, validate them before stating your own– I mean, this is not just an imvu thing. A friend of mine who has been separated from her husband for like 4 years but still trying to make things work, said that was the biggest thing she learned from counseling. That in a fight, before you make your own point, its important to validate the feelings of the other person. That was the best piece of advice I got from my brother’s ex-‘s mother who was a life coach years ago, but imvu has given me lots of practice. In a fight, we worry so much about our own point of view, because we just want to be heard. So one good way to calm the tension is to make sure the other person knows they are heard. Tell them you get it. That’s usually all any of us want.
Sometimes it’s difficult to find the right balance in IMVU, especially when your pressure at work increases. Sometimes it gets hard to keep up and IMVU and real life don’t always mix well. We all have a life and sometimes life just gets in the way or your fun, making it hard to even keep in touch with my best friends in this crazy virtual world.
I have to admit that I’ve spent a lot of time on DND or AWAY mode the last few weeks because I usually try to spend as much time I can in “our” public dream room. It’s kind of been my home away from home lately. I just love how the room relaxes me during this stressful and hectic period in real life. Even if I can’t always be “physically or mentally” present it is so soothing –lol-. Do not hesitate to just came in once in a while for just a simple hello or even a snuggle in. Something I really miss lately!!
This all has made me think of how it might be when I turn my back at this virtual world for a while or even leave IMVU for a period! Would anyone really miss me or would there be anyone who even thinks of that crazy girl from the Netherlands?
I still try to send some messages to various friends and sometimes even a story with several episodes. This isn’t always easy because English isn’t my native language and sometimes I need to use a translator to find the right words. Do not hesitate to dive into your pen…or I guess your keyboard. Make up a story, send a message or reply at something someone else send you. I feel the magic of a smile when someone reads something I wrote. I always smile when I send that new message knowing how it helps keep us close.
I can never leave IMVU for several reasons. I know down to the bottom of my heart that I’ve found the most beautiful true love and this is something I couldn’t even dare to dream about for a long time. The feeling of being in love is something magical than I can’t even find words for. And the friendships that I’ve built within this virtual world of IMVU with the most special people. That’s why even though it’s hard, life gets in the way for all of us, it’s important to have this sanctuary, filled with friends and love supporting and caring about you. So send messages and keep in touch even through the busy times. Send that smile and feel the magic of connecting because your friends need it as much as you do!!
IMVU is also one big giant party in a lot of ways too so any reason to celebrate or connect with friends is great. Whether its birthdays, weddings, anniversaries or holidays. Unfortunately we don’t all have the same holidays sometimes but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a good time and have a party or at least write your friends.
I always look for any excuse to write my IMVU friends. I think that’s because I like getting messages and the key to getting messages is to send them. I don’t really like the canned ones that tell you to resend it to all your friends though. They don’t seem like real messages or something I want to promote, although sometimes I’ll send one of those just without the part about resending it to everyone you know.
On 12-12-12 I sent out a short two sentence message to all of my good friends and had a great time yesterday getting so many replies. It’s important to keep in touch and stay on their message list. I don’t get to spend time with everyone i really want too but I try to supplement with messages especially around holidays. So use the holidays as an excuse to write and get back in touch with your friends in here.
I’ve said communication is the most important thing in IMVU but you also have to be sensitive. If someone says they don’t want to talk about it, it’s good to be supportive but it’s wrong to push or force them.
There are times when it’s better to let your emotions die down before talking. This is especially true with tense or angry emails. Let them sit for at least 24 hours or share and discuss it with a friend, not the person involved.
Communication is important but it’s important to do it delicately sometimes too. That’s not hiding things, that’s part of getting along smoothly.
You can make anything sexy if you describe it graphically and vividly. The more detailed you make it, the more the reader can feel it. Say how you feel. Describe even little actions descriptively with lots of adjectives to make it fun.
Katy is the best and taught me this. She also taught me something else recently. The longer the description the more it means. That’s true in everything. If you write wb it’s nice but writing Welcome Back is stronger. Writing, “running across the room and jumping into your arms enthusiastically” means more than “Hugggs.” I guess that’s kind of obvious when you think about it, and I knew it, but it’s easy to get lazy when I’m just reading and typing away and trying to be effecient.
You can see this when you see someone really good at it. I watched Katy make Gabby a virtual drink one time and was just amazed at the vividness of it. I’m not a bar tender and honestly don’t know many drinks but it was awesome to watch. That’s also what I look for when I go to a room looking around and wondering who to approach. Even if I don’t talk much to them when that person leaves I’m going to request them, because you just know that person would be good to talk to. So be vivid and paint a picture everyone can feel. Share your heart and thoughts and describe every little detail at least sometimes. All we have here are words so be super descriptive and make it powerful and fun.
One of the nicest things about IMVU is the ability to talk to someone, really talk to them about anything. Your friends here are detached, and not involved in the issues, don’t have any angle or concern about anything other than you. In some ways I sometimes feel a therapist at times, or just a trusted and experienced friend and vice versa with them. But no matter what being able to share back and forth in a really honest heartfelt way is invaluable. It’s something you just don’t get anywhere in real life very often, if at all. I have friends, in the PTA, from church and cub scouts and some neighbors but you just don’t talk about deep personal things with them like you can in here.
I remember one of my best friends had a co-worker that came into IMVU and she said it was funny because her friend would talk about things much more personal in here than the same friend ever would with her in person. Where else can you have deep talks about relationships one minute and be laughing till you cry with someone the next minute. I also love sharing the fun and emotions, living vicariously through really great friends that I have a full heart connection with. Snuggling and holding a beautiful friend in your arms or slow dancing while you share things you can’t tell anyone else is sure a lot more fun than a therapist, and cheaper too. The only side effect is a lot of tears and a little more laundry.
The other title I considered for this post was “It’s not the Pose that makes it sexy.” I love sexy poses, don’t get me wrong. But it’s really not the pose that makes something sexy. I had two examples of this today I thought I’d mention. The first was a chat with someone that started out saying they wanted to have sex with me and then said he had a lot of great poses. I sat on a couch and he started dancing on a pole. I use the word dancing loosely because all they did was click the spot and ask me if I wanted him. It was quiet at the time and I was more than willing. But that just wasn’t very sexy.
I told him to sit down and started describing it, giving it some background and describing my feelings of fear and anticipation but how I desperately needed to please him. I was a young sexy slave girl and he was a king and my family lived on his land. (it was a castle type of room) I described the pole nestled between my legs and wrapping my body around it as I slowly slid, up and down letting the music move me. This is a virtual place and you get out of as much as you put into it. And my lust filled eyes and hands roaming over my soft young body was much more vivid and exciting than just clicking a spot and asking if I wanted him.
Unfortunately for him, I got another invite as I was doing this with a very sexy girlfriend. All we did was dance. It wasn’t about a pose or what we were wearing at all. It was just purely sexy and loving. I took over a gigabyte of video and pictures and had two orgasms before she even slowed down enough to let me do anything in return. I made two videos of it, one with the first half just getting it going (trying to make the point without being bad), and the second longer version of the video with my two orgasms on it. I’m not putting it in the private section with a password because it was visually graphic, but just because I don’t want to put too much out there for the whole world and make them think I’m a sex fiend (blushing). The point is just that your brain is what makes something really sexy. And it took more thought and effort but was immeasurably better and more than worth it, trust me.
The most amazing thing in here is the level of connection that you can develop with the people you’re close to. And if you don’t get derailed along the way, each relationship seems to build on each other. Everyone is unique but as you go through your journey here you may discover that it gets easier and easier to let your walls down.
I think the way our walls seem to come down in here is what allows us to build such amazing friendships. And each time we let our walls down we learn to let them down more and more easily. You have to learn to protect your heart and if you get hurt too badly when things don’t work out you can get derailed. But aside from that if you can learn to love the ride, it does get better and better as you learn to share. And that connection, that sharing is amazingly powerful.
I have found an amazing connection with my Twin Lyn Katy. We started talking and I had been working on a Fairy outfit for a friend, and one thing led to another. We honestly had the most amazing intimate and loving time together, with nothing more than a kiss and tearing down our walls.
One of my best secret tips here is Dragon Naturally Speaking. I type pretty fast but there are times when not having to type comes in very handy. I find it does still take one hand to correct a few things and hit return but once you use it you’re gonna be spoiled. I crashed the other day and it wasn’t working when in restarted so I had to leave and come back another time. I have been thinking about putting this post up for a while but I just got a good discount coupon from TigerDirect so I figured this was a good time to put it up. It’s usually not this cheap. SO click the image below or check TigerDirect right away or search for version 10 or 11 on ebay if you want it even cheaper.
A new friend (Girl7770) made an important point the other day, about setting ground rules. There are so many different types of relationships in here and a much wider broader range of what’s acceptable than anything in real life. You’ll want to make sure you are compatible in several areas, such as whether you could ever take anything off of here and have real life potential, the level of communication, both in terms of the amount of time and what things if any beyond IMVU would be acceptable. Time zones and the amount of time and times of day you intend to commit are considerations, because there’s nothing harder than being committed to someone that’s not around or is only available at a time you can’t be here.
The other big area that you need to make sure you’re on the same page with is your exclusivity. First of all, this isn’t real life and seeing other people here may not be cheating at all, and in any case isn’t really the same thing as doing it in real life. Exclusivity goes against the grain of IMVU. It’s not that it’s impossible but it’s harder to do in here than real life. It’s like limiting yourself to one ride in Disney World. There is temptation around every corner. Also be aware that your partner probably needs some time away with other friends, to be really healthy and happy too.
There are a variety of ways that people handle it. Some couples make a list of acceptable partners that the other can play with, or a list they can’t play with. Some say it’s OK to do when the other is on and some say only when the other is off. Some people limit themselves to no orgasm, no penetration, or just about any variation you can dream up, someone is probably doing that. The point is that you have to understand what your expectations and behavior should be. This should certainly be a much bigger post with a better break down and maybe even a survey too.
The trick to making a relationship work here (as in real life) is communication. Also realize that things change and evolve in here so this may be something you’ll have to revisit. And if your partner’s doing something that’s not comfortable for you, you have to talk about it. To keep it bottled up until it blows up is even worse. And please don’t attack them for breaking the rules if they don’t know them. From personal experience that is really not fair. Relationships are what this place is all about and can be absolutely awesome, but they require even more communication than they do in real life.
When you’re with someone be with them. IMVU is chock full of distractions on top of distractions. Add to that our real world, my kids especially, and then phone calls or god forbid work and it seems almost impossible to focus some days. This was my best friend Morgan’s point and I have to admit I’m as bad as anyone about this. This is especially true during the day which is why the best time for me is late at night when everyone else is asleep.
I guess I’m probably involved in too many different circles and admit it’s hard to keep up and be there for so many friends at times. You can’t help but get chat invites from several people sometimes, and you have to be honest and decline sometimes, not because you don’t care, but because you do. This is a good rule of thumb when you’re talking and an absolute law if you’re getting intimate.
There is nothing worse then waiting and waiting for a response from your partner in the middle of intimacy. It’s the equivalent of falling to sleep in the middle of sex, and it’s one of the best ways to be a bad lover and annoy your partner. So don’t be upset if someone declines your chat. It’s better to do that, than to cut your attention and detract from quality time with your partner.
One of the most important things to do in building a relationship is the follow up. It’s the difference between the start of a relationship and a one time thing. It doesn’t have to be huge but a small note that takes less than a minute to send can literally make all the difference.
When you add someone as a friend, send a quick note. If someone leaves before you have a chance to say good bye, send a note. If you see something that makes you think of someone, send a note. And it’s especially important to send a nice note after intimacy. That’s one of the most important things you can do not only because it’s the right thing to do, but its just smart because it increases the odds of another encounter.
I like to send my badge afterwards too, but I still try to send a note too. Also think about sending 30 to 40 cents worth of credits in the form of a small sexy gift not just to show your appreciation but because it can increase the odds of another time. It’s also honestly as nice to give something, as it is to give, with someone you really care about.
No note and no gift puts you down in the middle to bottom of my list. It’s not even that I need the credits, but it makes me feel appreciated and loved. It’s not that I’m selling anything really but it really does make me feel good about the person. It doesn’t have to be something big or even every time. But this place runs on communication, and the little bit of communication afterwards is extremely important.
One reminder though, being honest doesn’t mean giving out your personal information. It just means not lying. Once you do start lying you’ll have to remember who you told what to and you’ll have to keep on making bigger and bigger lies.
On the other hand, you can be too honest. A friend’s boyfriend was reluctant to set a date for their wedding and she said he was busy with work. I don’t know him but said that is a valid excuse to wait in RL, but since you can get married so easily in here without a lot of time or expense if you want to, it may be that he’s afraid to commit. It turned out that it was true and he was also using another avi, but she blew up and blamed me for ruining her relationship when I basically just told her he was giving her an excuse. That’s also an example of how drama can find you even if it’s just being honest and no ill will or intent to hurt anyone.
No post about honesty in IMVU would be complete without some other advice too.
STARnTheHeavens (a wonderful woman I wish I had more time to hang out with) said, “Don’t expect the person to be the person you think they are.”
In other words, take EVERYTHING with a grain of salt. We all try to portray a more positive image of our selves. Putting on a good front and wanting other people to like us is normal. Making up your whole situation is too much. But we’ve all seen it, believe me. If you have a funny or interesting story about honesty or dishonesty,
When you first get started in IMVU you think you’re attractive because of the outside. You work hard to come up with the right combination of pixels. But in reality those are still just pixels. And you can change them very easily. It’s kind of ironic in a sense if you think about it but what ultimately makes you attractive in here is actually the inside.
Let people get to know you as you get to know them and you’ll understand. The sexy outfits are nice but they are just a tool to show how you feel inside which is what counts. The unique ability to share your heart and soul without caring about the outside is the real magic of IMVU.
In a RL relationship you do normal things together. A good friend Gabby that’s great at relationships, tries to do normal things together here too, like eating together or just hanging out and watching youtube.