This place can be a very fragile place

Missing ChristiOne of my very best friends from quite a while ago, recently left IMVU suddenly. It’s very painful to see and it almost can’t help but make you think or worry about the frailty of this crazy place sometimes. I’m sometimes envious of single friends because I worry that if we have an argument and my husband put s his foot down, I could lose this place. It’s lasted 2 and a half years so I feel like we’re making it work, and I’m less worried than I used to be. But that doesn’t change the fact that if your partner gets upset about it, you’re gonna have a problem.

I try harder to make everything else work better in my life and relationships, going the extra mile whichever possible and making sure it’s not only not an issue, but not seen as an issue. Make sure you’re MORE loving, not less with all of the people around you. Be extra supportive of them and pay attention to their feelings.

Missing ChristiDon’t cross over into real life. It may seem safe or harmless to do something small but once you do that changes it from a fantasy into cheating. You simply can’t do the things in real life that you do in here so letting any of it into your real life or showing to much of your real life in there has no significant upside and could be very damaging. So protect yourself and your friends. If my husband gets upset about this I HAVE to be able to say, NOTHING ever crossed over and I was totally safe. If I can’t honestly say that without flinching I’ll be in trouble.

Be honest about it. Maybe this should be the first point, although the others are very important too. You don’t have to be brutally honest going into every detail. And you have to do it in the right time and way. I don’t let the program remember my password and I always make sure I put everything away. I also call it a game with him. Actually he did that first and I just went with it. We all have hobbies and things we like to do, and keeping it on that level is honest enough to me.

It could all end tomorrow. That’s why I try to be safe, why I try to be extra loving, and I try not to hurt anyone here. I think the bottom line is that he realizes this is important to me and it makes me happy without hurting anything. I honestly don’t have any better answer than that. I can’t help but worry some, but If push comes to shove I’ll do whatever it takes to make this work, because it really is priceless.

6 responses

  1. Natalie

    I don’t know if my last comment saved bc I was on my phone and I dont see it here.. And I left the wrong throw away email for a response since I don’t want to air my dirty laundry.

    As I mentioned, my bf directed me to your page. He said it will help me understand from a non-biased perspective.

    I just found out about his multiple imvu relationships. He has been cheating on me on imvu, phone, email, skype, kik, and who knows what else. He told me it doesnt count because it’s not real. It sure seems like this is real in my heart. He is really spending time and building relationships with real women. Time that could be spent with me or working on our relationship.

    He told me he knows it hurts me, but he will still do it. He told me that if I try to limit his other relationships he will leave me, our home, our dog, and our life.

    So, as I read your posts, how you sneak behind your hubby’s back pretending it takes longer to do things than it actually does, I wonder what is going on in hubby’s mind?

    I would like to hear from him. I suggest a guest post from your hubby about what it is like to be a doormat. About how he decided to let you hurt him over and over rather than lose you.

    Everything I find online about this is the cheater trying desperately to justify themselves. I’d like to hear from someone about how they live with the pain you and my bf and others like you are causing.

    December 20, 2013 at 5:45 pm

    • I’m approving this and asking her to write up the full thing and we’ll put it as a separate post so it’s gets more exposure and hopefully input. You have valid questions that I think require some real thought. Anyway, Merry Christmas! I’ll write more if you don’t respond in a post, when I have time to talk more. ~Kait

      December 25, 2013 at 12:34 am

  2. Natalie

    What else would you like to know?

    December 26, 2013 at 1:38 pm

    • I just figured if you wanted to write it out more thoroughly. I can try to paraphrase your comment to make a post for you but wanted to give you the opportunity to say your piece, to make your point or ask your questions fully.

      January 1, 2014 at 4:20 pm

  3. Natalie

    Everything I read from psychologists, marital councelors, and advice columns…. Really any input that does not come from an imvu user, classifies this as emotional cheating. Most say it is often more damaging than physical cheating. At the very least, it is suggested that this be discussed before a relationship starts, boundaries are set, and no one sneaks or hides anything. But everything I read from the imvu world is the exact opposite.

    And in every case, if you are giving time and affection to person B, it can only come from the time and affection that could be used to improve and build with person A. No one, that has not signed up for a polyamorous relationship, wants to share the one they love. And no one, in any relationship deserves to be lied to, or told half truths.

    He actually told me he hid this for so long bc he loved me so much and didn’t want to lose what we had. But what about me? He knew I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship like that. He knew I wouldn’t have fallen in love with a liar. He knew I would not be happy in a relationship where I had to share him. But he took the power of choice from me by pretending everything was as I wanted it to be. He manipulated me into loving him by being someone different to me than he really was.

    So now, 6 years in. I still love him and can’t imagine myself without him. But I also don’t want to live this way. I’m torn between staying and being unhappy or leaving and being unhappy. So that’s why I ask how your hubby wakes up every morning, broken heRted and prepared to be hurt again by the one he loves most.

    And not to be all attacky, but can you honestly say this is anything other than pure selfishness?

    January 5, 2014 at 9:00 am

  4. Pingback: I can’t act this way in real life | Kaitlyn's IMVU Tips

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