Am I Cheating?

questioning whether imvu is cheatingHe knows that I have a lot of online friends that I’m close to. He knows that I enjoy myself (a lot) when he’s not around (he finds that sorta hot). What he doesn’t know is that I do them both together. He is the love of my life. I have no doubt. And would never do these thigns in RL. And I am open and honest about everything. Just this. I actually found this site, asking myself this question. Trying to come to terms with it. I mostly have now.

Here is my rationalization:

1) Reading trashy romance novels are ok. Writing trashy romance novels is ok. Here I’m just doing them both, with someone else, at the same time… (stop looking at me like that!)

2) This world is virtual. In virtual worlds it is ok to kill people. What’s a little virtual sex.

3) Ok, so the physical act is virtual, but the emotions are real. Very real. But a minister at a wedding reminded me that there are lots of different kinds of love. Love for parents, for siblings, for friends. I believe in love. I really do. And isn’t love the only thing that there’s just, too little of? I think?

4) IMVU makes me feel more like… me. All the things I wished I had done, misssed out on… The holes in my life, the nagging regrets all totally gone. Leaving me happier, more loving in rl.

Or… sigh…

7 responses

  1. WOW!! What an awesome post. You boiled one of the most difficult questions down to a few simple points. Each one of those points should probably be a whole post. There are so many things I could add but that’s just so solid and hard to argue with.

    First and maybe foremost if you’re asking if it’s cheating, it’s absolutely vital to keep it virtual. When or if it spills out of being virtual, it becomes cheating or moving in that direction. That was the conclusion I came up with after a lot of gut wrenching thought.

    The second part is that you have to, HAVE TO be even more loving. You can’t just not take anything away from your real life relationship, but you have to be significantly more loving or it will be blamed.

    People worry about violent video games affecting people and making them more violent. If it doesn’t affect us then what’s the big deal. If it does and in this case, makes someone more loving as long as they direct that toward their partner isn’t that a good thing? Like Vegas, what happens here stays here, except for the smiling loving feeling. Make your partner feel your love and enthusiasm more than ever.

    I hadn’t really thought about having missed a lot from not being crazy when I was younger. I guess it was just a part of being a good girl (*winking* at Ally). But what you said makes so much sense that way. And even the most adventurous person in the world could never do all of the things in real life that we do here.

    So it ultimately isn’t cheating. It’s more than a game and less than real life. Oh one more thing, Dam I love you Katy! Not because you of passion but because of both your head and your heart.

    September 5, 2012 at 4:10 pm

  2. yea, keeping the lines between virtual and real is really important. something i didn’t always manage as well. it’s funny i’ve struggled and learned so much in my year here (its crazy, it hasn’t even been a year but it feels like a life time). finding your site also helped me a lot. i’m now mostly at peace… completely and utterly happy…

    September 5, 2012 at 6:12 pm

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  4. Leyla

    Love can be complex, especially when relating it to a virtual world. In a virtual environment you are free to be who you are, who you want to be – no limitations. While there is no physical contact, can it be considered cheating to cyber with someone in a virtual environment. That should be easy to answer, just ask yourself if you would do it if your RL partner were sitting there next to you. Put aside being embarrassed, or being afraid if he/she would judge you.

    Fantasies, romance novels are great, but they are confined to your imagination, or sometimes shared with someone you love in RL. Emotions associated with a virtual environment, especially those associated with cybering, cause a physical response in RL, and therein lies the “problem”

    So in summarizing, “He knows that I enjoy myself (a lot) when he’s not around (he finds that sorta hot). What he doesn’t know is that I do them both together.”

    Be open with him/her, if he/she knows everything and has no objections or thinks its totally hot… well then you have nothing to worry about. But i maintain if you are too ashamed to do something in front of the person you love, then it is best to not do it at all.

    February 22, 2013 at 3:36 am

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  6. Sir

    I have a question.. My girlfriend plays this, and she met a guy on there(not sure if they had the virtual sex or whatever) either way I wouldn’t really care… As long as she would’ve told me, but she didn’t and now they exchanged phone numbers and are texting all the time. She doesn’t know but I opened a message from him that said “I love you too”. What should I do..

    August 24, 2015 at 12:31 pm

    • What should you do is a very tough question. I don’t cross over into real life AT ALL for this reason. To me it’s leading toward cheating even if you haven’t actually cheated. But that isn’t the question at this point. I’ve seen it from both sides and I’d say the best way to handle it (which may not be easy) is to embrace it and jump in and accept and share it. It’s easy to react and lash out and try to put your foot down, but you’re also not married. If you blow up she’ll clam up and you won’t know if it’s an issue she’ll just deny things and it’ll probably be a sore point for both of you. If you embrace it and join in with it or let her do it but ask her not to cross into real life, I think you’d get a better result and it wouldn’t be a sore point. You might like it and might find out she’s even sexier and kinkier than you thought and might have a great time. It’s better to explore it with her and find out if it’s a problem and talk about it than it is to just come out against it and act like it’s cheating. It’s a gray area although it sounds like it’s heading toward a black area. It’s easy to just blow up and try to attack and make it a fight. But in this case you probably find out more and learn more by not fighting. You can always put your foot down if you want or need to but if you start out with that you don’t get to see as much and don’t get to explore and share any of it. And you might get even better “points” in her eye for not blowing up. What have you got to lose?

      September 15, 2015 at 2:18 pm

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