You can’t just drop friends if you have common friends

There are easy ways in IMVU to avoid someone, essentially cutting them out of your things here. You can unfriend them, you can block them, and you can boot them from a room or ban them from your rooms. These are important tools for your protection, and there are certainly cases where this is the appropriate thing to do, especially with strangers. But if someone is or was a friend and especially when you have common friends you have to be very careful about doing this, because that doesn’t end it and usually winds up hurt and worse yet, your other friends much more than the original incident.

The worst drama situations I’ve had here all involved a friend cutting out via the steps above, another friend who they have strong common friendships with. Cutting out a stranger doesn’t hurt very much and reduces the drama and minimizes the confrontation, but cutting out a friend suddenly puts your common friends in the middle and creates way more drama than it reduces. I always say that I write this about my own mistakes so I’m going to give some real life examples, though this isn’t about them.

The two biggest drama situations I had here were when Jess got mad and cut Lexi out of our circle of friends because she was friends with Jess’ ex girlfriend. I said that was wrong and tried to show her and it wound up making me leave my best friend along with alot of the circle. The other situation was when Ash cut me out because I said my girlfriend at the time, Christi was leaving me for Ash. They just announced their engagement by the way. But in both cases the cutting out is what caused way more damage than the reason for the cut, way, way more. It wasn’t as big of a deal with Morgan because I only answered it with love, but it still puts every common friend you have with that person in the middle and makes them choose.

You’re going to see them at common places and talk to the same people. So as tempting as it is to just unfriend, block and ban them and think you’re done, that is ALWAYS the wrong way to deal with a friend. Talk to them and try to resolve the issue or you risk hurting yourself . Whether you’re right or not cutting out a friend without really trying to resolve things, creates drama for all your common friends. Even if you’re angry at that person you owe it to your common friends not to put them in the middle.

You don’t have to try to resolve it publicly or in front of your common friends. You just can’t end it by cutting them out or that will hurt the most valuable thing you have in here, your other friends. You’ll create unnecessary drama and tension with everyone, that will linger long after the incident is long forgotten. And you’ll ultimately hurt yourself most of all.

3 responses

  1. Christi

    Could this story get the point across without naming names? I think nothing would be lost, and people would be less irritated at having their lives and personal business put on display. Just my opinion.

    July 9, 2012 at 11:04 pm

  2. You don’t see the direct correlation and how those situations both prove the point? You above all people were there for both situations and the problem was ultimately that someone cut out a good friend and put all their mutual friends in the middle. And the cutting out mutual friends actually caused more damage in both situations than the original issue. Jess was upset at Lexi and wound up losing most of her best friends. Ash didn’t lose as much cutting me out but it clearly weakened the whole group and was definitely much worse than the single comment I made in private to you, which ironically didn’t miss the mark by very much.

    Regarding names, I only gave partial names, because I wasn’t trying to call anyone out or upset anyone. Nobody that doesn’t already know the people involved and the situation would know why they are. So I don’t think it really aggravates anything significantly. But it does give some credibility to the story though doesn’t it?

    There’s probably a good joke about hearing the lyrics “You probably think this song is about you…” but it’s not. I seriously always loved you and have nothing but respect for you. And this is so far in the past that it really doesn’t have any emotion or hard feelings. I think what I said was fair and was honestly only meant to illustrate the point to someone else about another situation. Good luck with your new marriage too!

    July 10, 2012 at 12:03 am

  3. Pingback: Dealing with the down times « Kaitlyn's IMVU Tips

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