Pulled in so many directions

prioritizing and my imvu vampire mistress
Katy (my favorite inspiration for posts) said something just a few minutes ago in a comment about connections, “I often feel pulled in so many directions at once and feel bad for having to decline so many invites…” I’ve been feeling that a lot lately. The other possible title I thought about for this thought was, “Does Declining or Someone’s avoiding you?” The answer is NO. And if you think I’m avoiding you, the answer is almost always no. I really don’t avoid very many people. I occassionally unfriend a couple that don’t want to spend more time with. But my problem lately has definitely been not prioritizing way more than making anyone a low priority.

Part of the issue for me is that I’ve let my friends list get so big, because I figured with the website it was important to build my contacts and friends. And I’m on a lot but have trouble getting to see even the important people. I also tend to end up hanging out with the people that seek me out more than the ones I seek out. Sometimes that’s the people that invite me and sometimes it’s coming to say hi. I apologize because there are definitely a lot of great people that I don’t get time to go see.

Another thing that makes it hard is that I don’t have or use my own home base or room. Some friends make amazing rooms but I don’t ever get around to doing what I should and I end up hanging out in lots of differenot rooms. It would be easier if I stayed in one room and had all my friends in the same room at the same time. I wind up with my finger in too many different pies. Again I guess it might be better if I prioritized more and used DND a little more too. If I had one single big circle rather than so many. Alot of the people I know are individual connections which like katy said in her comment makes it harder.

I guess the lessons in this at least to reach me are, be persistant and patient, get to know some of my friends if you can, and don’t just invite me pc, come and say hello in the room I’m in. But just make sure it’s a room you fit in with first. Guys don’t follow me to lesbian rooms or theme rooms you’re not into, or a birthday party for someone you don’t know. And know that I take being invite as a compliment even if I can’t go, and don’t be offended if I can’t go, or sometimes accept even though I can’t stay and just wanted to say Hi. I’m not avoiding you.

4 responses

  1. Yea, I’ve been pondering the same issue because people’s feelings tend to get hurt when you don’t see them for a while, and I always feel awful, but I have to explain that really, for the most part, I’m not picking or choosing. The only exceptions are of course for S-, and then my imvu sisters, (who as you said so well, I do prioritize, and who do take up a lot of my time) but otherwise, I tend to talk to whoever invites me (unless of course RL gets in the way).

    Managing expectations help though, and I’ve tried better to help make this clear once people get to know me. I like everyone, I really do.

    Also, yes, I think having your own public room helps, and it doesn’t have to be complicated. I just find/steal a pretty room and then add a few chairs. One of my favorite friends rooms is a simple empty black room with a lamp and a two chairs. People also appreciate the easy loading. And then things can be added easily as needed, as G- showed me so well. That’s sort of what happened to my beach which started just as a beach and a couch.

    The main downside for using public rooms to meet people though is it requires managing your privacy settings quite a bit in case you are somewhere you may not want random guys visiting, like K-‘s family room.

    April 24, 2012 at 1:02 pm

  2. Oh but Iona and Terri love to boot the guys there. Although that probably only makes them think you’re avoiding them even more! lol…

    You’re right it’s not hard to make a room but it can be intimidating when you first start here. And I have written about managing your location, mostly because I’ve screwed that up quite often.

    Back to the main point I agree and feel bad if people think I don’t care or get hurt because I do care. That’s so NOT my intention as I know it’s not yours either. I do feel like I’m spread too thin sometimes. And the website only makes it worse in some ways. I don’t want people to be afraid or reluctant to say hello but sometimes it does take a little patience or persistence.

    Someone I talked to about this idea yesterday said that they don’t decline much unless they are avoiding someone so it made sense that they feel like declining them means you don’t want to talk to them. I try to counter balance that by giving a reason or message to the person rather than just hitting decline or ignore and by sending messages to them later on. And sometimes I answer and say hello even though I can’t talk, especially if I’m declined a couple invites.

    The bottom line is don’t assume negative things here. Or maybe if you have to assume things, assume good things quickly but bad things slowly. And if someone doesn’t answer your invite send them a quick message so they know what you wanted even if it was just to say hi, when they are out.

    April 24, 2012 at 1:24 pm

  3. Pingback: When am I on | Kaitlyn's IMVU Tips

  4. One more recent note. If you’re going to whine about me not having time for you, guess what? I’m going to have even less time for you.

    Whinning is one of the least attractive things in here. It doesn’t make me want to spent more time with you, it makes me want to stay away.

    March 18, 2013 at 10:56 pm

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