If you’re married in real life

sometimes I feel like the only happily married girl in imvu
If you’re married in real life, you’re probably going to behave a little differently in here but I wanted to focus on what you may have to do differently in real life. This isn’t something I’ve read but kind of what I figured out by trial and error, mostly my errors and hind sight. This is so not something you’ll find in an imvu forum or site but it’s kind of what I’m trying to do with this site.

First and foremost above everything else, be sensitive to your partners needs, even before they complain or say something. It’s not whether something is technically right or wrong but how your partner feels about it that counts. The tricky part is that it’s not just what they say that counts but how they feel. They are going to be concerned and you have to proactively counteract that which leads to the second thing.

Be extra loving and attentive so they can’t complain or even see a positive change in your attitude. If it makes you happy and you share that, it can go a long ways towards being able to stay. I realize this eats up a lot of my brownie points sometimes, so I go out of my way to do everywhere else I can to get them to make up for it.

Have some ammunition ready, something they do that you don’t like that you let slide. I wouldn’t stop him from anything, but if you can use that as an excuse to also do what you want to, it’s not a bad thing. I also admit I’ve gotten good at doing some things that he thinks take me a lot longer than they do. The plus side is that he thinks I work harder than I do sometimes, which doesn’t hurt.

I don’t hide this because I’m ashamed but I do try to minimize its visibility. I never check my messages when I’m with him and I put all the pictures in password protected folders. I also don’t let the software remember my imvu passwords. Just pick something easy to type. When he questions you, don’t hide it and just say how much you appreciate that he loves you enough to let you enjoy my game. Using the word Game helps cause that doesn’t sound like a threat and puts it terms he can understand.

We all have to make concessions and give each other enough space to have friends and have fun. And if you do it gradually and stay happy and loving to him or her, you’ll be surprised how much they can put up with. But whatever you do, be safe and smart about it, no matter how swept up you feel.

2 responses

  1. Mindy, hang in there. It’s not easy to balance everything and not upset things at home sometimes. I started this as a letter back to you but it got to big for a message.

    March 7, 2012 at 6:02 pm

  2. quidlyn

    this hits close to home and is the reason why i found your site. your comment about suddenly disappearing if discovered also resonated quite a bit. i also try to hide my web surfing history and recently opened files and various pictures and logs. sigh, i don’t like the idea of “ammunition” in a relationship, but i do do it too. the advice about being attentive and caring is probably good for any relationship. talking to my v-brother, he also made the point about how imvu helped his rl relationship. by helping him be more open with his feelings, his desires, and more creative and verbal with his foreplay (smiles… he gives me some of the credit for that).

    March 9, 2012 at 6:15 pm

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