First we have to start with the understanding that an online only relationship is NOT cheating. If you define cheating as watching porn or a sexy movie or fantasizing about somebody you meet, then almost everything is cheating. So for the purpose of this point, let’s define cheating as sexual physical contact. (If you think just thinking something sexy is the same as doing it, then everyone’s cheating and this whole discussion is pointless and you might be perfect but you may also be very lonely.)
I searched on the internet and found an article in Psychology Today that listed the following eight most common reasons given why people cheat. It was based on a survey conducted on an online dating site. I think I fall into numbers 4, 2, 8 and 1 (in that order of priority).
1. Lack of sexual satisfaction in your primary relationship. (This was the most common reason cited by individuals in their study.)
2. Desire for additional sexual encounters.
3. Lack of emotional satisfaction in your primary relationship.
4. Wanting emotional validation from someone else.
5. Falling out of love with your partner.
6. Falling in love with someone new.
7. Wanting to seek revenge.
8. You’re curious and want new experiences.
I would say that IMVU or a virtual relationship like this can help address at least six out of these eight issues. I don’t think these things necessarily make you cheat because we all have some of these things at times. I recognize and felt several of them, but have never had any real desire or inclination to cheat. But I do think that if there’s a safe way to address these issues without risking or hurting anything it certainly could say that it may reduce real life cheating.
So even if you can’t say IMVU actually reduces cheating it certainly is a good way to address some of the issues that can lead to cheating. The down side is that if you cross over into real life, it suddenly turns into cheating and can lead to serious real life issues and hurt your relationship.
Sure, I admit that I don’t always physically do what I describe, but I emotionally do. Real life gets in the way, and there are definitely times when I don’t have enough privacy and can’t. That’s just life. But I do it for the same reason I fake it sometimes in real life, because it’s important to please my partner, not just in a gratification way, but because of what it does for the relationship. There’s something about how we’re made that we not only need that love, but need to share and give it to someone we love.
My favorite position is usually one that I can see the other persons eyes, because I want to look deep into their eyes and into their soul as I feel that feeling of pure ecstasy. It’s important to make that connection. It makes me feel so close and wonderful and I want my partner to feel that too when they look at me. I want to hold on tight, because it’s not a porn movie and I kind of feel that same holding them even when it’s not sex. I like a finger (or something) in my mouth when I come, even if I can’t suck just because it makes me feel so sexy. And then grabbing his finger in the movies or in the car… well you know.
I’m not here to fake things, but I’m not just here for myself either. So sometimes it’s more important to love and please your partner, and express your love for them, than anything else. It’s great when you you really truly KNOW your partner here and feel their heart and soul and dedicate yourself to pleasing them. You know you’re in love when it’s not about having sex or orgasms as much as it’s about wanting to do anything to please the person you love, and feel that passion with you.
I wrote something like this about IMVU SEX Tips before so lets call this MORE sex tips. A few of these overlap but not too much, so if you like this check out the first post about IMVU Sex Tips. These are the things that no IMVU forum will tell you. Your parents or friends don’t tell you this stuff either, but this can help make your experience here much more rewarding. I don’t profess to be an expert in this but I have learned a lot in the past couple years. I’d like to think this is a decent collection of advice but many of you may have valuable things to add too. So please leave me comments!
It’s helpful to let your partner know when you’re getting close and when you come. They want to please you and want to respond appropriately. You also need to give them time to get there, to be ready. Also realize that a lot of people cum either before or after they say it. So don’t stop short, (unless someone is at your door!)
Sometimes with some people that seem more intimacy oriented, I do kind of stay a little quieter and don’t scream as much. But make sure your partner knows where you’re at. It’s kind of awkward to not know whether to keep going or cuddle. Some people I eventually have to ask. And it’s a great feeling knowing that you’ve pleased someone.
It’s ok to be quiet a little, but just remember that women are more verbal and often really need your encouragement. And if you aren’t making the other person feel sexy they’re not gonna want to see you again. There’s just too many people eager to please and it’s easy to avoid someone that wasn’t that great.
Be enthusiastic and make the orgasm last a little longer than it does in real life but not too crazy. If they’re not quiet there it gives them time and encouragement. And realize that a little bit of quiet time is also important and probably just means they’re enjoying it.
It’s good to be a little loud and overly enthusiastic but don’t be insane. I knew one girl that would fill 10+ bubbles with CUMMMMMMMMMMMM and it got to be kind of funny. I later concluded that there was a high probability that the person was too young although that wasn’t necessarily related.
Don’t try to keep them forever, but don’t run away too quickly, especially as soon as you come. It’s ok to say it’s hard to let them leave, but don’t whine. One person I know complains when I leave even if we’ve spent over two hours together and it’s like 5am, which just seems kind of unfair.
Write a note afterwards if it was good. You don’t have to be a great writer or spew poetry. But letting them know that you appreciated them is important. It’s not as important to send a gift as it is to say something nice and emotional.
I look at my invites and also look at my messages. If you usually just invite, try sending a cute or sexy message instead of just inviting. A message is nice because you can write something seductive, about craving them or needing them, or write a sexy situation.
Be flexible. Sometimes I want to keep going a little after wards, and want more but sometimes I can’t, which is often a function of time, and you have to feel them out. It’s helpful to mention your time limitations up front, especially if you have a hard deadline. And if they tell you they have a commitment, respect that.
I like to be seduced, and you don’t have to take the first no I can’t, if it’s not that definitive but you can’t just keep trying too hard all the time. If it’s a schedule thing like having to pick my kids up, seducing probably won’t help much. But if it’s just that I’m not in the mood or tired (unless it’s 430am or super late) sometimes it’s nice to be enticed.
Make it your goal for that person to want you desperately. I’m very married in here and super committed to my spouse, but when she’s not here and I’m with someone else, I love them enthusiastically and passionately. And I take it as flattery when they want me to be regular or committed to them. At that point I might back pedal politely but I do like being wanted.
You’re allowed to say things in passion. I used to be afraid to say I Love You, or strong things in passion even if I was moved to, because I was worried what they would think or how it would be taken. I give people more liberty in passion now and take some liberties then too. Don’t worry. That doesn’t mean I want to marry you or that you’re a stalker.
Don’t demand commitment, especially in passion. Make them WANT to commit, don’t require it, especially in the middle of passion. It can be a huge buzz kill and hurt the momentum of the passion much more than it will help anything.
When you’re rampping up, I find it helpful to describe what you’re gonna do, or what you want to do. There’s just nothing more exciting than being told that you’re gonna be taken, that you’re make me cum till I cry. Don’t talk like that if we’re not in the mood to begin with, but talking dirty is super hot if you’re at second base already or sometimes into heavy flirting.
Try to use a few poses. I admit that I’ve definitely had some mind blowing times without any poses, but that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t have been better if you’d had poses. Sexy poses do add to it, just like getting naked does. I don’t HAVE to get naked to feel sexy but I usually feel sexier when I’m naked. Don’t try to use every pose in the room, and don’t change poses right when the other person is about to cum.
T1 style (longer multi line role playing responses) is good for bigger stories and fighting, but it sucks at building momentum that’s kind of necessary for real passion. If you’re writing a sexy story use T1. If you’re trying to really create and represent breathless interaction, use shorter single bubble lines. Its also easier to read shorter lines when you’re getting into the throws of passion too.
Yeah I know it’s an insult to be called a slut in real life. I used to cringe when one of my friends used to call herself that in here. But I realized recently that its NOT the same in IMVU. In here there is no negative social stigma. And being called a slut refers more to a desire or ability to please someone, than anything else.
Being called “Susan’s Slut” makes it even sexier to me. It’s not a slave ownership thing. It’s a loving commitment to her and desire to please her. Making the signs in this room was my idea not hers. I love her and love how amazing my life has been with her. And even being with other people with that sign, with her tattoos, and even her name on my feet, it all makes me feel more committed and more in love. It’s good to make this real, by treating it like real life in some ways. But don’t act the same way in your real life as you do in here related to sex and don’t look at this with real life attitudes about passion in here. This crazy place can be mind blowingly fun and I guess it was just part of this quiet housewife’s growth, learning to accept and enjoy this.
OK, maybe that is kind of a cheap way to weave imvu and sex into a title about Easter, but it’s true. Yes there are bunnies in Easter, but that’s not what it’s about, and there’s sex in imvu but that’s not what it’s about either. It’s funny how intertwined I feel sometimes. I can’t help but think about and pray for my friends here in church and often dream in imvu.
I feel bad being able to play sometimes, when nice people invite me. But I don’t just use this for sex, it’s my second family, my best friends, my social life and my confidants. I feel bad if I can’t play sometimes but I never want to discourage anyone from inviting me, even just for sex. There are times that I love that and have a great time with that but I have a family and simply can’t at other times too. No matter what makes you happy, I sincerely wish you a Very Happy IMVU EASTER!
Imvu isn’t just about sex and sex isn’t just about poses. But it’s also impossible to deny that a sexy pose just makes you feel sexier. And I also admit that sometimes even if I don’t really feel like it at first a sexy friend and a sexy pose can change my mind if it’s not a timing thing like picking up kids after school.
I especially like some of the new longer animations. It’s neat to see the progress imvu has made in this area and the creativity and effort some programmers have put into their products.
There are websites you can buy things at but the downside of that is that you have the same things everyone else has and that makes them more likely to get found by IMVU police and be taken quickly. That’s why I like to get things direct from developers as much as possible.
I obviously can only share these contacts with really good friends but one of the nice things about writing this that I’ve gotten to meet a lot of great people and make some really good friends I wouldn’t have had a chance to otherwise. So don’t be afraid to say hello and talk to me.
This is the type of thing you won’t find in any IMVU forum. This is just some of the things I’ve learned over the past year. Hopefully other people will have some more suggestions but this should be a good start, and get you well on the way to being a great lover!
Say what you feel – you don’t have body language in here but you are allowed to share your thoughts making it even more intimate in some ways.
Take your time and flirt a little - you both know you want it, but seducing someone and flirting with them enough to make them really want it makes it more fun.
Let your heart flow - this takes some practice but when you learn to really let loose and enjoy it.
Even if he or she says they came don’t just stop - It’s not always easy to say you’re cumming at the same moment that you do. So assume that they haven’t yet and be willing to continue a little.
Realize that sometimes things happen - Internet connections crash, people walk in or have to run or fall asleep, or someone important invites them. Sometimes imvu takes patience.
Say the little actions - I learned this from watching my Twin Sister Katy (pictured below). She says her actions so cute, whether it’s Twirling her hair, Blushing, Waves invitingly, Jumping happily into your arms, etc.
It’s more about the words than the poses or outfits – Your mind is what makes it sexy.
Try Dragon Naturally speaking – This is probably the one best tip I’ve found that allows me to both do better and enjoy more, by being able to talk instead of type.
The only way you have to hold onto anyone here is to make them love you more than anyone – Some people, ok some guys, tend to claim ownership of someone or ask them for a commitment in the middle of passion. You’re allowed to say things in passion but don’t require someone else to agree to anything.
Love with your heart not just the physical side - Sometimes people or at least women, really just need the intimacy and love, not the sex. Sharing that even without the physical side can be very powerful.
Snuggle afterwards at least a little - there are times when you don’t have time, but remember the feeling of being loved is part of what many people want and enjoy about being physical here. So savor it for a minute and let it breath
Follow through will increase your odds of getting more - Write a note to at least let them know you’re thinking about them. A gift is a good idea if you liked it and can afford it, but isn’t required. Remember though, it’s easier to get someone who already shared to do it again than to start over every time, and you also lose out on the cumulative effect and stronger connections if you just go from one random encounter to another.
Try to keep talking - don’t leave long gaps, unless you really have to, and use shorter lines rather than really big longer ones (T1 style). Shorter lines keep the momentum going and are easier to read when your passion is really flowing.
Be responsive – If someone mentions something try to include that in your response. It shows you’re paying attention and really there with them.
Research a little if you need to – If you feel like you’re not sure what to say or how to write about this, guys read some romance novels to understand how to write sexy for women and girls watch some porn and pay attention to the banter and things porn stars say because they’re talking mostly to guys. But realize you don’t have to be perfect or be someone else. Just share your heart and try to be expressive and have some sexy words here because in the end, it’s mostly words but can be amazing too.
Feel free to add your own suggestions or ideas. You don’t have to give a name or email address or anything if you don’t want to. If it’s a good tip I might want to meet you though :)
I look at IMVU overall and see several phases, one of them being the Sex Phase. A lot of guys never get out of that but I like Katy’s comments about there being two stages in the Imvu Sex Phase. The first is the Random Sex stage, when you just have fun learning and enjoying cyber. Some people never make it out of that stage. That’s not necessarily wrong if that’s where they’re at. But there’s a big difference between sex and love. People on the outside looking at IMVU can’t see the love, they just see it as fake sex.
It’s not their fault because you honestly can’t appreciate the power of the emotions if you haven’t experienced it. If you try to tell them about the feeling of love, they think you’re getting carried away and are too caught up in it. Even if nobody on the outside sees it or understands it, there really is a second sex phase, the Love phase. That doesn’t mean you’re carried away or putting IMVU ahead of real life. There is a real person behind the pixels and there is nobody that’s been here for any amount of time that doesn’t realize that the emotions are definitely very real.
There are at least six people here that I really love with all my heart. It’s funny how different each relationship is. Two of them I don’t really have anything physical with, and never have. One I have some intimacy and play around the edges with. And a few that I have amazing love with. There are also several runner ups that I see once in a while, kind of Cuddle Buddies, that have a great mixture of sex and love and friendship too. Guys tend to be more of the sex phase, which can be really great too, but I think I hold my heart back with guys slightly because I’m married in real life and as comfortable as I’ve gotten with things here, I still don’t want something competing with my real life. Though a couple are amazing both as people and intensity.
There’s nothing black and white in very much of this. There are still times when I just want sex, and there are also times when I want loving intimacy even without any sex. And other times I just want to hang out and feel close to my friends. There’s also all kinds of shades in between too. Some guys have a hard time understanding that. I feel like guys come here more for sex and sometimes they don’t understand the intimacy of friends and combining love and friendship. Heck I hardly do so I can’t blame anyone else for not seeing it. I don’t mind inviting and checking, but just be patient and understand that I don’t fake it and don’t always need that or may not be able to again. But when we do get to, I promise to do my best to make sure you have the very best time ever.
Guys if you could totally understand women what would be the point or the fun in that?
I meet a lot of people in here and have several different types of relationships, but no two people are the same and no two relationships are the same. Some are based on imvu sex, some on friendship, some on role playing or talking or romance or advice or mutual interests. Actually it’s usually a mixture of things. But the interesting part is how that initial roles you have tend to stick.
If you meet someone and your relationship is based mainly on sex you may get a booty call but they aren’t likely to invite you to their role play or to hang out. If you were friends or were slaves or vampires together they’re not going to get a booty call. Or putting it a different way, if your relationship was just meeting her for sex when you invite her she thinks you’re calling her for sex, which may be fine. But that’s why it’s sometimes hard to make the jump to real friend or relationship. I’m as guilty of this as anyone, especially with guys. If I met you in a sexy room or situation I tend to think that’s what you’re calling me for when I see your invite.
I also tend to think of Friendship as the central hub and all the other aspects branch off of there. That means if you started off in a role play group or as an advisor you have to get to friend first before you can usually go down another branch. The only exception is some people are still in the sex stage only and don’t have many real friends and use sex as their center here or only role here.
I think the lesson I’ve kind of learned is that if you take a little more time to build a friendship (whether it’s first or second) that relationship will be stronger and more stable and lasting. It also makes it easier to expand into any different area. It can be fun and exciting to get swept away, for sure. Feeling that amazing head over heels intense love feeling is such a rush. But remember friendship makes it feel more real and more powerful too.
So when you can, try to take a little time and build some stability too by looking for common likes and writing notes or something more than just the thing your relationship was based on and above all be a friend. And remember it’s the quality of your relationships more than just quantity.
A lot of times I think people just don’t know how to get things started and one of the purposes of the site is to help make imvu sexy and fun for people. So I wanted to share an easy way to start the ball rolling.
Please sir, could you help me… My car broke down out on the road in the middle of a horrible thunder storm and you’re the only house for miles so I wanted to ask if I could borrow your phone and maybe stay until this storm passes.
You get bonus points if you have a thunderstorm mix and a wet T shirt to wear. Maybe a sexy bathrobe too. There are a lot of sexy imvu fantasies in the Fantasies section but you don’t have to make it elaborate. Just throw that out and start playing from there. The only thing I ask is that you post your experiences if you start with this opening.
Every guys fantasy to some degree or another is a threesome. And there are more girls here than guys so you would think this shouldn’t be too hard. I may be wrong but I don’t think most get this very often though. So I figured I’d see if I could help. This is for guys looking to get a threesome with two girls.
First don’t ask two girls on the middle of sex unless you know at least one or are spoken to first. They know you would want to and will say something if they’re interested in the possibility. And don’t go to lesbian rooms to look for a threesome, that never works.
If you have a girlfriend, ask if she’s ever had a 3some and then ask her which of her friends she would most like to do it with, or who she thinks would be most likely to do it. Even if she didn’t expressly agree to it, if her friend agrees you’re most of the way there.
Now you can just ask the friend but you’ll often have to sweet talk them a little. Send her a gift and a nice note that you’d like to talk to her. Or try making up a story about her car breaking down and the two of them ringing your doorbell late at night. Or their boat sinking and you pick them up on your yacht. Or you rescue them from a dungeon or whatever type of situation you like best and have a room for. If you can incorporate an article of clothing and you gift that, it makes them feel even more obligated to participate. It takes more planning and effort than a regular couple but if you write a nice note and include a gift or two you’ll probably at least make a new friend.
The other way to do this is work the other direction. Ask a girl if she would join your GF and you. You can come right out and ask that much easier than you can just ask her to have sex with you directly. But don’t do this unless you’ve talked to your GF or are really sure she’ll say yes. Another way is to ask for a threesome for your birthday. You might start by asking your GF what her fantasy is first. Then see if you can explore that with her, which you should definitely be doing anyway.
Suggest that it might be fun to spice things up a little. Even the most conservative girls can appreciate that because it sounds like you want to improve your relationship with them which is a good thing as opposed to them not being enough for you. I admit this takes a little more effort than just the normal encounter. But the worst that will happen is that you wind up with just one and there’s a good chance you’ll have an awesome time.
Another very easy step you can take in that direction is to simply suggest having sex in a public room. Start this by finding a sexy room that’s empty. Just have fun and you never know who will walk in. But make sure when someone comes in that you say hello to them even if you’re in the middle of sex, because otherwise they will often run right out. This will also give you a chance to ask your friend if she’s interested in having someone else, when she’s most receptive to it too.