Put them first and/or Friendship first
I admit this so sounds so obvious that it almost seems stupid to say, but the surest way to not just a powerful intimate experience but real happiness with anyone is to put them first. Don’t just put the other person first, but them enthusiastically first. Even if all you’re really here for is just a little fun, you’ll turn that random encounter into someone who puts you on the top of their mental list not just another name on their friends list they will remove two weeks later when they don’t remember you. Your dance card will be full with people that really want to be with you, not just people who are there because you’re in the right place at the right time.
Putting someone else first in here doesn’t cost much. It’s really just an attitude. It’s being patient and focusing on pleasing them and makes them want to please you more than any other one thing you can do. I asked a good friend about what makes someone we both know good and it was this attitude, and their passion. Again that sounds so obvious it can’t be news to anyone. But it is so simple we all have to remind our selves sometimes. And the more you do that the more attractive you make yourself. So remember and focus on this the next time you really want to impress someone. It’s also the basis for the whole Dom/sub relationship.
So put the other person first with real enthusiasm and be the person your friends eye scans for in their friends list and the one they go out of their way to see.
Quality Communication
How much real quality communication do you get in your real life? I don’t want to say anything negative about anyone in my real life because I really am very happily married, coming up on 10 years in July. But I think it’s safe to say that I get more quality communication time with my best friends in here than most people do with the people they’re closest to in their “real life.”
I’ve been saying that I’m closer to my very best friend Gabby than anyone in imvu or real life for a little while, and a part of me felt kind of guilty saying that or like I must have a pretty pathetic life. And I do admit its kind if boring or quiet in some ways it’s not because my real life is bad. It’s because of the amount of quality time and heart felt emotion that we’ve shared. I am around people but often don’t share as much from the heart in real life. Sometimes it seems like that’s all we do in here.
It’s also hard to explain the level of love and intimacy I share with my best friends in here. It can be amazingly intimate just dancing or cuddling with friends. It’s not about poses or sexy looks, although clothes can certainly be fun to play with. It’s about the unbelievable connection, loving each other so thoroughly in the most amazing heart felt way.
I don’t mean to generalize too much but the people that don’t tend to get this tend to be guys. And if they like sex best, they don’t tend to get how important “talking with my friends” is for me, or how that can be as intimate as great sex in here.
So to all the guys that I have to decline cause I’m dancing with friends I’m sorry. I could invite you in some time, but I have to warn you that it takes some time to get that open and appreciate the closeness and intimacy.
Real Friends and Support
My husband had shoulder surgery this morning. It seemed to go as smoothly possible and there were no complications or issues. He’s home in bed now and heavily medicated. I really want to thank everyone that wrote and prayed for us.
For anyone that thinks this is just a game or only about sex, I wish they could see my messages. Last night after reassuring him I came here to get reassured and hugs from my best friends here. 
While I was in the waiting room it was my friends here that I had to talk to and thought about.
Real Life friends are important. They can help get the kids to school when you’re at the hospital and have an advantage being there in person. But that doesn’t mean your friends in here aren’t real, just because they’re not real life. It’s hard to appreciate how important friends in here are until you have a really difficult situation. It’s kind of like your secret support network. I have so many great friends here it would be hard to find a time that there wasn’t someone here for me. They may not be a replacement for real life friends, but there’s no way to put a price on the support you get in here.
Pulled in so many directions
Katy (my favorite inspiration for posts) said something just a few minutes ago in a comment about connections, “I often feel pulled in so many directions at once and feel bad for having to decline so many invites…” I’ve been feeling that a lot lately. The other possible title I thought about for this thought was, “Does Declining or Someone’s avoiding you?” The answer is NO. And if you think I’m avoiding you, the answer is almost always no. I really don’t avoid very many people. I occassionally unfriend a couple that don’t want to spend more time with. But my problem lately has definitely been not prioritizing way more than making anyone a low priority.
Part of the issue for me is that I’ve let my friends list get so big, because I figured with the website it was important to build my contacts and friends. And I’m on a lot but have trouble getting to see even the important people. I also tend to end up hanging out with the people that seek me out more than the ones I seek out. Sometimes that’s the people that invite me and sometimes it’s coming to say hi. I apologize because there are definitely a lot of great people that I don’t get time to go see.
Another thing that makes it hard is that I don’t have or use my own home base or room. Some friends make amazing rooms but I don’t ever get around to doing what I should and I end up hanging out in lots of differenot rooms. It would be easier if I stayed in one room and had all my friends in the same room at the same time. I wind up with my finger in too many different pies. Again I guess it might be better if I prioritized more and used DND a little more too. If I had one single big circle rather than so many. Alot of the people I know are individual connections which like katy said in her comment makes it harder.
I guess the lessons in this at least to reach me are, be persistant and patient, get to know some of my friends if you can, and don’t just invite me pc, come and say hello in the room I’m in. But just make sure it’s a room you fit in with first. Guys don’t follow me to lesbian rooms or theme rooms you’re not into, or a birthday party for someone you don’t know. And know that I take being invite as a compliment even if I can’t go, and don’t be offended if I can’t go, or sometimes accept even though I can’t stay and just wanted to say Hi. I’m not avoiding you.
Loving my old Friends
You’ll lose a few friends along the way in here. People misunderstand things or have situations, and things happen. If you’re here long enough someone will get upset at something you do or say, or something you don’t do or say. The only person that never upsets anyone is the person that does and says nothing. Try to do your best but also realize it’s how you handle situations that come up, that counts.
You still lose friends sometimes. There are some that I won’t ever get back which is probably for the best. But if you stick with it and continue to be a friend, sometimes things do come back around. I recently had two old friends come back in the same day. One of my best friends was fairly recently upset with me, but I tried to just be stay her friend and love her.
The other was from about a year ago, which is a long time for me since I’ve only been here a little over a year. She walked into a room and was a friend of a friend. At first I thought this couldn’t be the person I knew, but it was and we immediately picked it back up. The ironic part was that I had just unblocked her a couple days earlier when I blocked someone by mistake on my cell phone. There are a lot of people here but sometimes it’s a very small world too.
Anyway the point is that you can’t please or fix everything but if you stick with it and be a friend the good ones will come back.
Every day is so different but Friends are the best
After a night like I just had with 50 screaming cub scouts racing pinewood derby cars and screaming I sure miss my friends and the good insanity of this place so much. I am addicted to insanity. Or maybe it’s that I really need to escape some days. It started out when we dropped and broke his pinewood derby car on the way to the meeting. So we’re gluing it in the car on the way there and it just went down hill from there.
Maybe if I had to find a point in that this place can be so many different things that no matter what you happen to need at the moment, you can almost certainly get it here. Some days I want a crazy sexy adventure, and other times I just want a quiet conversation with a friend. There is such a huge variety of things in here you are never more than a click or two away from anything you can think of.
You can be a rock star in concert, dance with vampires, and then go hang gliding over a nude beach all within few minutes for almost nothing. It can be a raging spring break party or it can be a sanctuary of solitude. It can be anything you or anyone else can imagine. And it’s my job to do and share as much as I can with you about this crazy world. I originally came here to feel sexy and find more intimacy. I have that and more but I think it’s sort of interesting that just like the super rich in real life, even when you have so many exciting opportunities it’s still ultimately your friends that matter the most.
Just for fun, next time you’re at a Party
You use your imagination in here, so why not use it a little more in real life? If you’ve been in here I’m sure you have some good friends. The next time you go to a party or out to dinner or even shopping, imagine that these are your friends from IMVU. It works best at a night club or party with a lot of young people because the ages of people in here tends to be younger, more single like something you’d see at a night club or party. And people also tend to dress up and look their best there which makes it feel more like your IMVU friends. I did this a lot when I went to Bourbon Street in New Orleans.
I guess this isn’t much of a tip, it’s just something fun to do. It kind of makes things seem more real sometimes. I don’t cross over between IMVU and real life because I’d be in a lot of trouble and it would hurt my family. I’m certainly not going to be a porn star in real life but it’s fun to be able to let loose and feel that way sometimes in here. I think I’m good at this because I’m good at visualizing things and I guess I’m just saying it’s fun to visualize these things in real life, even if I have to keep them just in my head. Sometimes I admit that I am jealous of friends that can act out more in real life.
Kiss Me in IMVU
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I put this post in the FRIENDS category because these are mostly all my friends, not random people. It was hard to pick and limit this. I probably could have included several times as many kisses and people if I had had time. But I wanted to make this as a video for the song. It’s actually what I see in my mind every time I hear this song. I hope you like it. Did you see yourself in it??
Morgan I AM your Friend
We have been great friends through a lot of ups and downs. It hasn’t always been easy and I know you have been hurt. But I do care and love you with all my heart and have always tried to be your friend. I am friends with other people too but that doesn’t take anything away from my friendship with you. I love you with all my heart and believe in you. I understand that you need time and things happen but know that I am here for you with open arms hoping you’ll come back. In the words of a good friend, I can’t not be your friend. And I’m still listening and still loving you, Kiki!
Kisses!
Kait…
I apologize that this is more personal and less of a tip or advice about imvu. I guess it’s a little bit of personal drama but hope you won’t mind, because I wanted to put this on the record for my good good friend who really just needed a reminder that she’s important and truly is loved and a friend. ~Kait
IMVU Friends are the most valuable gift you can give
Sometimes it takes losing something to realize what’s really valuable. I hope you don’t get a message that your account has been hacked or disabled. If you do you’ll experience a horrible sinking feeling like you’re suddenly cut off from all of your IMVU friends and IMVU Love at once. You’re not going to worry about your credits or even all the sexy clothes you had so much fun playing with. You’ll suddenly realize that it’s not your shoes that matter but your friends. You’ll wish you had backed up your IMVU friends list so you could reconnect with all or most of them (some are so freaking hard to spell and remember). And if you didn’t know it already you’ll suddenly realize that the most valuable things here are your IMVU Friends.
Hopefully you won’t ever have to go through this, but it does make you appreciate your imvu friends more if you think about it. It also makes you realize that your good friends are worth more than a closet full of clothes in your imvu inventory. That’s why I think its so important to share your good friends. The great thing about sharing your friends is that as you do that you become even closer with your friends.
IMVU suggests friends based on how many friends you have in common because the more friends you have in common the more likely they are to be good friends. It also makes it easier for you to hang out with all of your friends if you have the same circle. It also anchors you more because if you have a problem with someone you can’t just walk away from each other if you have good friends in common. I’ve honestly never had a bad experience sharing my good friends with other good friends.
A great real life example of this is Quidlyn. She’s become much closer being closer to my friends and now she’s done the same with Blu. It’s really interesting how a tight group of friends makes you closer to everyone in the group than you would be individually. Your common friends makes your friendships stronger. Don’t go crazy with this but definitely be willing to share your good friends with your other good friends. It’s a great thing!
My VBFF Gabby
I am very fortunate to have the honor of calling Gabrielle Bleue Doll my very best friend, my sister, my boss, secret partner, occasionally my mistress, and all the time my very friend ever. And I don’t mean just my best friend in IMVU, I really mean my best friend ever. In a lot of ways she’s my mentor and I certainly look up to her, and can’t help but smile when I look at her either.
The pixels aren’t real but the emotions definitely are, and you can say that the sex isn’t real, but I have to tell you that the friendships definitely are very real. And Gabby is a pure friend and I’ve done my best to help her and be a pure friend since I had the privilege of getting to know her. Yes I may be crazy but the rumors that she was the night nurse in my psych ward are false. She is one of the most competent, level headed and loving, beautiful people I’ve ever had the good fortune to know.
Sometimes I swing and my emotions get the best of me, but you can always count on Gabby. She’s a rock and the most amazing friend anyone could ever imagine. And yes I hear she’s the most amazing lover ever, but I would trade in a heartbeat, all the gratification in here to have just one pure real friend like Gabby. Gabby is the Queen of Real, and is really and always my friend.
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Calling all Imvu Girls
I wrote a post titled “Imvu Girls” the other day after talking with someone about Internet marketing. It’s a popular query so I thought it would be smart to write about and see if I can rank for that term. I put up a short post about it with pictures of Gabby (and Katy) and now a few links and a month later that page is ranked 7 or 8 on google for the term Imvu Girls, which is awesome since the first two are imvu, and then the next three are videos, so it’s number 2 or 3 after that.
I’m sure that’s because Google realizes that my best friends are the best girls in IMVU of course. So I wanted to brag for a moment but also say that if anyone else wants their pic up there it’s GIRLS, not GIRL so I could include more if you wanted ;-) This is your website too and I want to include a few more friends and even future friends. You can put them in an album and tell me to download them or email them to me at Kaitlyn.imvu@yahoo.com. Sharing is the fun of of this, both in Imvu and the website too.
Backup your Friends
I’m like you, I don’t back things up regularly. But when something happens to a friend I suddenly think about it again. And two incidents recently reminded me of the importance of backing up your friends. A good friend, Tammy was disabled and disappeared out of the blue and nobody ever heard a word. If you haven’t experienced this it’s the most horrible experience. IMVU can be such huge dicks sometimes.
Another friend had an issue with someone who got her password and unfriended everyone on her. Things happen, and thats when you suddenly realize that you can replace credits and rooms and clothing, but if you lose your friends you may have a real hard time getting them back. My name Kaitlyn is pretty easy but most names here are really hard to remember, especially when you’re crying.
So take just a minute and make screen shots, capturing an image of your friends page. Page down and make as many images as necessary. You’ll probably never use or even look at these. Just save them somewhere in case anything ever happens. IMVU is all about relationships and losing some of those relationships is very painful. I’m backing my friends up today and hope you do too. I hope you never need this but if you do I hope you have it. It’s free and only takes a minute to do.
What to do for Valentine’s Day on IMVU
Valentines Day and any holiday really, is a good excuse to say hello to friends on IMVU that you don’t get to talk to as much. Start with a simple message mentioning that you haven’t talked in a while and go through your list. Adjust the message slightly if possible.
Sending big long flowing messages that tell them to send it to all their friends are only marginally helpful. A small more relevant message you wrote specifically for them or that looks like you wrote for them, can mean more.
You don’t have to send everyone an IMVU Gift. But you should send some special friends something. It’s not that they need things. But it adds importance and weight to your message. You can just send a 200 credit card if you don’t have many credits. (where else can you get a card for the equivalent of about 10 cents)
It’s not the amount that matters but the relevance and thought behind it that people do appreciate. Remember you’re dealing with people and the emotions here are real, even if the place is virtual. So use Valentine’s day as an excuse to spread some love, and to say hello to people you haven’t had a chance to talk to recently. Enjoy it and have a very Happy Valentine’s Day sharing that love and spirit with your friends.
Kaits week in Review
I had an idea for a fun post. This doesn’t fit into any category exactly so I’ll stick in into About Me. I take a lot of pictures of everything I do in here. This morning I had 239 Megs of pics and a few video clips before lunch, (I know crazy right). Anyway I thought it might be fun to make a quick review of this past week in IMVU. It shows in a cute way the diversity of this crazy world and how much fun it can be. All I did was pick out a picture or two from each group and sort them by date order and throw in some music and a title.
No two people will ever have the same experience in here, and I admit this probably means more to me than anyone else watching this cause these are all memories to me. But it seems to make my sleep deprived week seem good and worthwhile somehow. My awesome friends are what made it so amazing, and you’ll see quick glances of them. I hope this says in an interesting way just a little bit of why IMVU is so addicting and can be so mind blowingly fun. It sort of shows why it feels like time passes quicker in here. It’s never boring and you never know what you’re going to be doing even an hour from now. It also shows why I feel like the luckiest girl in the world in here. Just another week in IMVU…
How to handle IMVU Drama
We’re all people and as much as we try to share such good times and love with friends there will still be issues sometimes. We’re humans and unfortunately we can’t let people in with good emotions and not have bad emotions sometimes too. The good side here about feelings growing so quickly and feeling so wonderful can also go bad even faster sometimes and hurt even more than real life. We don’t have body language or other real life cues like you would in real life. So it can be easier to take something the wrong way. We also tend to fill in the gaps with positive things most of the time, but sometimes we imagine something to be worse than it is too.
Sometimes even a small little thing can be taken the wrong way and cause hurt feelings. And if you don’t address that properly you can hurt yourself and a lot of people for no reason. The first thing to do if someone hurts you is to walk away and don’t dwell on it. Don’t send messages about it or talk to other people and do NOT pulse about it. You may think telling other people will help but it may cause more damage than the original comment, both to you and to your friends. Sleep and or give it some time and then look at it with fresh eyes. Late at night it’s easy to keep going on about something but that’s the wrong thing to do.
The first thing to do is at least try to calmly talk to the person just you and them. A lot of things that seem like major issues can be resolved with communication. Give them the benefit of the doubt and at least try to talk it out. This place is built on and fosters communication but it also requires more communication to function than real life too. If that doesn’t work and you have no common friends you can just walk away very easily here. But if you have common friends you can NOT act like it’s just you and the other person or you will hurt and upset a lot of other people that you care about, which can be worse than the original incident.
My Twin Lyn
I’ve certainly put a few pictures of her up lately but I haven’t publicly announced my twin sister, Katy (Quidlyn). I didn’t think I had a last name, cause Kaitlyn is my first name (although spelled a hair different irl) but it turns out that I do have a last name, Lyn.
It is an interesting coincidence that both our avi names and even our real names are extremely similar but the real reason we are twins is that we are even more similar inside. That’s a little harder to explain but we can and have talked for hours. I’ve never met anyone so easy to talk to and we didn’t just connect but felt like we realized we were connected. There was just no other way to describe it.
And anyone interested in twin fantasies just send your request to Quidlyn with several gifts and I’ll do anything with her. Hehee… I’ll have to work on some fun twin fantasies soon too.
Nod Nod… :)
Making the most Amazing Friends
Just like the way a blind persons other senses become even more sensitive to make up for it, in IMVU you can’t see the physical and there is no little things to get in the way, so you get better at sensing the non physical. I call this IMVU vision. It’s almost impossible for someone who hasn’t been here for a while and experienced it to understand I know.
You can’t see with your eyes so you have to learn to feel with your heart. I think that’s why we sometimes feel such a powerful deep connection and I even say this place proves there is a soul. These pretty pixels and words can get pretty powerful, to the point that I feel closer to friends in here than I do in real life.
I say than “friends” in real life because I kind if feel like the friendships are more real in a sense than the love, in here. Don’t get me wrong I do love the love too, which sounds funny to say. But it’s loving friends in here that is my favorite part. I’d say the best thing I’ve learned in here is to love with all my heart. And I honestly couldn’t put just one person’s pictures up for this one so I picked a couple (not all!) of the IMVU girls who I feel so strongly connected right into my heart. You’ll find your own people and understand when it happens to you.
Living Vicariously through Friends
I know nobody really has as much fun in real life as they we do in here. But I have to confess that part of the fun in here is living vicariously through my friends. Yeah I know my life is boring but that goes with the territory, being married with kids and I love my family.
I can’t talk about some of the craziest things but ironically it’s not less fun than it looks, it’s actually more. And I love being able to share it with some of the people that read this more than I can say. So the purpose of this post is just to thank you ALL of you for being such amazing friends. You know who you are and I thank you from the bottom of my MILFy heart! Kisses, Kait!!!
Being the Right Person
My IMVU sister, Gabby has had a tagline for a while that I really like. “A relationship is more than finding the right person…. its being the right person” I think that’s especially true in IMVU where you have the ability to be almost anyone you want. If you always wanted to be more assertive, all you have to do here is be more assertive. You can literally be anything you want. That is very empowering and therapeutic in a sense.
In real life you don’t get very many chances to totally remake your personality. In here you get to do that every day. So keep it real (which Gabby is the best at!), because making this feel real is important being human and down to earth is attractive too, but if there’s a trait or quality you wished you had more of in real life, make it yours. Be the real you that you always wanted to be! That’s part of the fun of IMVU. And no this isn’t just an excuse to say I love Gabby, but I do. ;-)
Friends don’t hurt their Friend’s Relationships!
Making friends and sharing with them is one of the best parts of IMVU. But your relationships are the most important things in here, and the worst things you can do to anyone in here, is hurt their relationships. So you would think it wouldn’t be necessary to even say this. Unfortunately though it does happen. I had to walk away from someone I thought was a friend that hurt my relationship with someone I loved. She flipped out and attacked me like I was her mortal enemy for even mentioning what she was doing in private.
Unfortunately this seems to be a pattern too, as she seems to be doing it to several of her friends. It’s one thing to have some intimacy with your friends, but it’s something else to demand that to the point of getting between them and their partner. She would freak out if anyone did to her what she’s doing to her friends. Having sex with your friends can be really great and very powerful, but the friendship shouldn’t be based on or require sex, at least not for a girl. It’s always wrong to even go anywhere near hurting your friend’s relationships. Unfortunately when someone is wrong they tend to attack the messenger, so I’m sure in for it, but in a twisted way that proves the point.
Don’t Friend too Fast
Even if you’re new PLEASE don’t Add people as Friends too fast. It’s tempting to do this when you’re new and don’t have any friends yet. But trust me, it turns people off and really doesn’t help much just to fill it up with acquaintances.
You also have to realize that with IMVU Friends, it’s quality not quantity that really matters. That’s because having a huge list of acquaintances makes it harder to see your real friends and doesn’t change how many actual friends you have or make you any more popular. And if you were referred to them by someone or are friending them for a reason (like you enjoy this site), ALWAYS send them a note too or it looks like a random request which is worse than making random chat requests.
Even if you’re new only friend people that were at least friendly with and talked to. By the way, this also points out why you should be friendly toward new people. It’s much easier to make friends with new people than it is more established people. On the other hand having even just one good established friend in here can be a huge asset too. It’s also worth noting that if you are new, your best and strongest friendships are often with new people that you can relate to.
My new love Tammy
Isn’t new love the best? It makes the whole world seem wonderful and you sunny. I wanted to share a few pics of my wonderful love, Tammy. It’s only a couple days I know but I feel so awesome I just had to share. You know how that goes when you just can’t think of anything else. I love you Tammy.
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Sexy and Scary at the same time
Cyndia and Mace Poena are a great couple, have an awesome family but they would have scared the crap out of me when I first met them. They are great role players and play as tough as their costumes make them look, but are always sexy at the same time. When I was taking their pictures for my friends wall this afternoon, I was blown away by the feeling of being turned on and at least a little bit scared at the same time. The anticipation and edge to it made it more fun than I had ever expected. But that’s what you seem to get with these two.
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