Kaitlyn's IMVU Tips

It’s a Social Network not a game

KaitlynO — Sat, 26 May 2012 22:46:46 +0000

HollyKaren said something on Friday I really thought was a good point and should be posted. (Maybe I’ll get her to post it next time) Imvu promotes it self mostly as a game. A lot of the people treat it as or refer to it as a game too, and that really doesn’t do I justice. A better term for it is social network.

imvu favorite bedroom fantasy

To be a game it would have to have a goal and a winner. But the purpose of imvu is really just to build relationships. Hence it’s a social network. You enjoy it because you feel part of something and have great friends.

Not only is this a better more appropriate category for it but this also raises the value and I think the acceptability of it. Calling it a game kind of trivializes it. Anyone who spends time here knows its way more than a game, and anyone calling it a game is generally trivializing it or putting it down. The people that are good at it certainly don’t treat it like a game.

Put them first and/or Friendship first

KaitlynO — Fri, 25 May 2012 18:28:46 +0000

I admit this so sounds so obvious that it almost seems stupid to say, but the surest way to not just a powerful intimate experience but real happiness with anyone is to put them first. Don’t just put the other person first, but them enthusiastically first. Even if all you’re really here for is just a little fun, you’ll turn that random encounter into someone who puts you on the top of their mental list not just another name on their friends list they will remove two weeks later when they don’t remember you. Your dance card will be full with people that really want to be with you, not just people who are there because you’re in the right place at the right time.

Putting someone else first in here doesn’t cost much. It’s really just an attitude. It’s being patient and focusing on pleasing them and makes them want to please you more than any other one thing you can do. I asked a good friend about what makes someone we both know good and it was this attitude, and their passion. Again that sounds so obvious it can’t be news to anyone. But it is so simple we all have to remind our selves sometimes. And the more you do that the more attractive you make yourself. So remember and focus on this the next time you really want to impress someone. It’s also the basis for the whole Dom/sub relationship.

So put the other person first with real enthusiasm and be the person your friends eye scans for in their friends list and the one they go out of their way to see.

Define Real

KaitlynO — Thu, 24 May 2012 00:25:50 +0000

The physical contact obviously isn’t real. So IMVU sex isn’t real but the person on the other side of the keyboard is real and our emotions are real. I’ve cried real tears and gone through a lot of tissues. And a lot of the feelings you get from sex, the endorphins that are released and so forth are the same as you would get from real sex. These things are what make you feel closer to your partner afterwards and they are as real as the emotions are.

So while it is true that the sex isn’t real any more than porn is, but the emotions are, and even “simulated” sex almost can’t help but give you a warm satisfied feeling and effect your friendship if you have one with your partner. This is especially true when someone is lonely or vulnerable. (Aren’t we all sometimes?) So it is certainly true that it’s not technically real but it does give you some of the same feelings and benefits.

This really is a whole new thing and honestly doesn’t fit into the existing definitions. I think that’s one of the reasons I think it’s so interesting to write about virtual relationships, because its so new there really isn’t a lot written about it but it is growing quickly and only going to continue to as the technology that makes this possible continues to increase and grow faster and faster.

The Science of IMVU

quidlyn1 — Tue, 22 May 2012 20:48:20 +0000

I’ve also been pondering the question of what makes imvu different than a chat program like Yahoo Chat or gchat. Before joining, I couldn’t tell you. It’s certainly not as ambitious as second life–I think that’s to its credit, since it is so much more accessible and prettier…

I think part of what makes imvu so magical is that the brain is wired for imagination… for simulation. MRI scans show that the same neurons that fire when we touch a hot stove, also fire when we see somebody else touch a hot stove (so-called mirror neurons). These neurons evolved in part because they provoide empathy but also to help us simulate the future so that we don’t have to touch the hot stove to know it will hurt. Other experiments show that people who are assigned an attractive avatar in second life act more confident, but more importantly, that confidence carries over even after they’ve logged out of the game. Even old psychological studies found that if you recorded phone conversations of person A talking to person B, and person A thought person B was prettier (due to a faked photograph), person B “sounded” more attractive, according to observers who weren’t aware of the photograph. Simple put, Avatars matter.

On a personal note, I find that avatars have a really big effect on me. A good guy friend of mine likes to use a girl avatar sometimes. I found I interact with him very differently when I see him as a girl. More simply, I love cuddle poses. I mean I REALLY love cuddle poses. I can literally feel my heart rate change when I’m in the arms of somebody I love. But maybe I’m just weird… but even if it is just me, there’s still the science.

Thank you Quidlyn (Katy) for such powerful insight.

How important are friends for you…

wendyrueb — Mon, 21 May 2012 21:09:27 +0000

How important are friends really for everyone? Friends in the real world are for everyone of course the most important, but friends in the virtual world of IMVU you may have certainly not forgotten.

The difference between these two groups is that you can touch your friends in the real world, you can go out with them or doing some shopping’s or just has some drinks or cuddle close near them. With your friends within the virtual world is this something else. It would be a bit strange if you and your laptop walks on a Saturday evening into a pub or a club and order a soda or some beer for the both of you, or even worse when you lay on top of your laptop or worse at your home computer! One thing I certainly learned in the virtual world and that is that I’ve met people who have become very dear to me and some even more than some friends in the real world.

With friends in this virtual world you can’t if you do not live very close together, such as the distance between the different continents, come on for just a visited or cuddle close to them. Use therefore your imagination. Believe me, this is definitely something that has become extremely valuable to me, just like everyone I’ve met and learn to know better in here!

An example is my sweet and very close friend, Kait. I have met her a few months ago, through a common friend who unfortunately no longer exists within IMVU. I didn’t have had much experience at that time with imvu and was quite a novice, as I may say. At the moment when I saw near the name of this friend the word “disabled” I didn’t knew what to do. I only knew and hoped that Kait could help me with this! Very nervous I asked Kait for some help. From that moment she is a pretty important part in my life and thanks to her I build a very close circle of friends up in this world! Friends I love each one of which, of course some in particular!

Kait I am very grateful for this and wanted to do something personally for you to put in the limelight. Even though I know that you are quite modest but I’m grateful for everything you have taught me right now and I am very proud that I am a writer of your web page may be. Kait I love you and always will do, Wendy kisses xxx

Of all life’s blessings
I know how much I am blessed
To have you beside
It’s a wonderful feeling
That I cherish and treasure

Best friends to Each Day
Each day I love you dearly
You are always there
Encouraging me Each Day
I am so thankful for you

Generosity goes hand in hand with Happiness

KaitlynO — Sun, 20 May 2012 01:27:21 +0000

Generosity here doesn’t guarantee or buy you happiness. But generous people certainly tend to be happier. And happier people are definitely generous too. Be generous with the people you love.

Christi was the one that honestly taught me the power of gifts and how effective that could be in making someone fall in love with you. I was in love, engaged actually. You have to be loving for sure, write great notes with them, and be there for them at the right time. But how else can you make some smile for the cost of a postage stamp. And if you add several smiles together with someone that comes here to feel sexy and have fun you’ll probably find that generosity does lead to happiness too.

I’m not sure if this as universal but at least for me I found that I can’t truly enjoy things here without helping other people to enjoy it too. Generosity doesn’t have to be with credits. I am spending a lot of time trying to make this a valuable resource because it makes me happy. We all have different ways of helping but however you do it, helping others leads to happiness, here and in real life too.

Dealing with time differences

KaitlynO — Sat, 19 May 2012 19:35:02 +0000

One of the neat things about IMVU is the worldwide nature of it. Geography doesn’t matter very much in cyber space but the time differences can be a factor when you have dear friends from all over the world. As an example, I come from the Netherlands. Within Europe, we don’t have to deal a lot with time differences, sometimes an hour ahead or an hour back. But many of my friends on here are in America and the time differences can amount to 6, 7, 8, or even 9 hours which makes a difference.

Often I can only see my friends when I really need to go to bed or when I just wake up. Between Kait and I for example, there’s a difference of 6 hours. Fortunately she doesn’t sleep and I can often see her when I wake up. The funniest thing is when they ask how my evening or night is or they say good night when I just opened my eyes after a deep sleep (and hopefully a very nice and beautiful dreams). The good side of that is that no matter when I go on, there are almost always a number of good friends available to talk to.

With friends at a distance you may have to work harder to adjust and find common time and you should definitely write more notes. This may be just a few words to include “I Love You”, a complete story in which you write something about yourself or what you have experienced that day. Write a fun or a sexy story or just simple a poem or some poetry. Try to leave something of yourself in the message so that when you do see each other once again you’ll have some things to talk about together. Messages are timeless and will always read when the other person logs on or check their e-mails messages and are often saved. Even a short note will also show in their inbox if you’re online and will often encourage them to invite or respond.

Love knows no boundaries and one of the neat things about IMVU is the way you get to know people in other parts of the world and other cultures that you never would have been able to before. The friendships you make all add up and create an amazing network connecting and shrinking the world like never before. None of my real life friends have the friends all around the world that I do and it’s very special.

Wendy wrote this and I was looking for a picture to put with it and thought of this song. I was going to put embed a youtube video of this and then realized I had so many pictures and video clips I should probably put together a video for her. This is just a small glimpse into the fun and love we’ve shared. Thank you so much Wendy!!

Also on YouTube at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpGpGfhlFuE
Please like and Fav it there if you can.

Too much of a good thing, even for Imvu

KaitlynO — Tue, 15 May 2012 01:35:05 +0000

Some people don’t like role play (RP). I generally do and actually really like interesting and extreme imvu costumes and things. It’s taken a while to get my head around some of it but now I like to ask people what their favorite or most exciting costume is. But when I met JeanPaulVell (pictured left and right), I realized there is such a thing as too much of a good thing, even in Imvu.

I say too much of a good thing because even though I like interesting costumes and role play, if it’s so extreme that it gets in the way or makes you look stupid or crazy it makes it hard for people to believe or even listen. It felt like Role Playing gone bad.

Some people watch tv to much, some play nintendo too much and some go overboard and get too crazy with their costumes. It can be easy to over do things in here too. I understand that. But the best approach here as in life, is more of a balanced approach. I ended up blocking him because he was out of control and couldn’t talk much just put on more and more extreme and I realized that this is what the people that say they don’t like role playing hate. It’s so extreme it just turns people off.

A very special letter

KaitlynO — Mon, 14 May 2012 06:41:29 +0000

I usually try not to post things just to one person but rather show the lesson behind things so it’s helpful for everyone. I’ve never written to anyone outside of Imvu before either but this seemed important to say. I don’t know when he’ll see this but I had to write to write and thank Stephanie’s new RL fiancé.

Dear Evan

I want so much to thank you. To thank you for making Stephanie so amazingly happy and for letting us share that wonderful feeling with her. You get to see people in here in a very special way from the inside out. And I’ve never met a more beautiful girl on the inside than Stephanie. She has the most amazing heart and I couldn’t possibly be more happy for you both.

We had the most special, wonderful opportunity to follow and get to know you through her, to watch and be a little bird on her shoulder, and to share all the happiness that has just poured out of her heart since she met you. We have never met but I feel like I know you and even your family more than a little, at least in an Imvu way.

We have been more than privileged to share a little bit of Stephanie’s heart and to be her secret cheerleaders. No matter what happens this will always have been one of the most special things about this crazy place and no matter what, I will be her friend till the end of days. I pray for you both and know that you are heading for truly great things.

Happy Mother’s Day

wendyrueb — Sun, 13 May 2012 10:08:36 +0000

May this special day,

make you realize,

just how much you’re loved,

for your kind heart,

your caring smile,

and your thoughtful ways,

wishing you a happy Mother’s day…xxx

Holloness

KaitlynO — Sun, 13 May 2012 04:22:15 +0000

A disorder that comes from too much virtual reality or over dosing on cyber. Based on the first well known fictional virtual realty environment, the Star Trek Holodeck.

Symptoms include a blurring of vision and of the lines between RL and VR. Stiff joints or a sore butt often in connection with repetitive movement stress. Advanced stage victims may have vibrocaloses

If you have three or more empty glasses, empty chip bags, or dirty dishes by your computer you may be at risk. Victims often observed to consume large amounts of caffeine, and often engage in large amounts of meaningless sex chats.

Treatment typically includes showering, sleeping more than 4 hours per day and getting out of the house, preferably going to the gym or some type of actual physical activity or social engagement with real human contact.

This can also come from or be caused or triggered by missing your very best friend for long periods of time. (I miss you Gabby)

You can’t just drop friends if you have common friends

KaitlynO — Fri, 11 May 2012 22:45:51 +0000

There are easy ways in IMVU to avoid someone, essentially cutting them out of your things here. You can unfriend them, you can block them, and you can boot them from a room or ban them from your rooms. These are important tools for your protection, and there are certainly cases where this is the appropriate thing to do, especially with strangers. But if someone is or was a friend and especially when you have common friends you have to be very careful about doing this, because that doesn’t end it and usually winds up hurt and worse yet, your other friends much more than the original incident.

The worst drama situations I’ve had here all involved a friend cutting out via the steps above, another friend who they have strong common friendships with. Cutting out a stranger doesn’t hurt very much and reduces the drama and minimizes the confrontation, but cutting out a friend suddenly puts your common friends in the middle and creates way more drama than it reduces. I always say that I write this about my own mistakes so I’m going to give some real life examples, though this isn’t about them.

The two biggest drama situations I had here were when Jess got mad and cut Lexi out of our circle of friends because she was friends with Jess’ ex girlfriend. I said that was wrong and tried to show her and it wound up making me leave my best friend along with alot of the circle. The other situation was when Ash cut me out because I said my girlfriend at the time, Christi was leaving me for Ash. They just announced their engagement by the way. But in both cases the cutting out is what caused way more damage than the reason for the cut, way, way more. It wasn’t as big of a deal with Morgan because I only answered it with love, but it still puts every common friend you have with that person in the middle and makes them choose.

You’re going to see them at common places and talk to the same people. So as tempting as it is to just unfriend, block and ban them and think you’re done, that is ALWAYS the wrong way to deal with a friend. Talk to them and try to resolve the issue or you risk hurting yourself . Whether you’re right or not cutting out a friend without really trying to resolve things, creates drama for all your common friends. Even if you’re angry at that person you owe it to your common friends not to put them in the middle.

You don’t have to try to resolve it publicly or in front of your common friends. You just can’t end it by cutting them out or that will hurt the most valuable thing you have in here, your other friends. You’ll create unnecessary drama and tension with everyone, that will linger long after the incident is long forgotten. And you’ll ultimately hurt yourself most of all.