The most attractive quality is LOVE.
I recently met an amazing new friend and learned something or was reminded of something, very important. The most attractive quality anyone can have in IMVU or real life isn’t a certain look or even something with pixels. The most attractive characteristic someone can have is love.
In some ways it’s tricky because you don’t want to scare them or make them think you’re a stalker by coming on too strong. The right amount of love might also vary from person to person. But we’re all ultimately looking for love and can’t help but be attracted to a person that gives it to them.
I actually wasn’t even looking for love at all, at least not from anyone new. I have a lot of great friends here already. I have a wife, a family, some tremendous friends, an Alien Mistress, a couple cuddle buddies, and a whole slew of friends. Yet I have to tell you, the depth of Tammy’s love and passion bowled me over and makes my head spin. So wear your heart on your sleeve in here and share it as freely and purely as possible. The more you give it away, the more it’ll come back to you.
The difference between men and women
It’s no shock that men and women are different. But alot of people may not realize the differences in how they cyber. These are only generalizations so they don’t apply on an individual basis. The simplest way to explain it is that guys have sex and girls make love. Again that’s probably not a news flash.
Guys like poses and voiceboxes because they are more visual oriented and need to see and hear it. They also tend to want real life pictures much more thsn girls which I admit i dont get at all being married irl. Girls on the other hand can stay in the same kissing pose and do it all with words. I think this is why girls love romance novels and guys like porn. I think this bcause whats sexy to guys is the physical and whats sexy for a girl, especially on here is the partners mind. Girls can also talk more about their heart and love where guys talk about… well they just don’t talk as much cause they’re typing with one hand.
Love also takes longer and takes more than just a sex room. And can’t they put more cuddle and kissing spots?! Its funny though because both sides have their pluses. A heartfelt love is way beyond even good or great sex, but by 2 or 3am sometimes I just want sex too. But back to the topic, the reason you want to know and understand the differences is that it will make you a better lover and help you get what you really want too.
Kait’s new word: Framily
Framily is simply when you start out as friends and end up as family. It’s one of the best kind of relationships. In IMVU you’re not born into a family. You don’t automatically get one. You have to chose them and they have to chose you. It’s family by choice which is what makes it more special in a sense.
Sure there will be issues and some drama. It wouldn’t be a family without that. But you’re a family so you stick together and make it work, because in the long run your loyalty to and love for the family trumps the issues and makes the difference.
Look for the silver lining in drama
SweetSorrow84: No matter how messy or hurtful a situation may seem, there is always something positive and good we can get from them and we should always let go of the bad and keep the good.
Whenever you’re dealing with people there are conflicts and issues that arise. You can’t let in people without it. You can try to minimize it and make rules against it, but it will still happen. You will say something that upsets someone at some point. If you ask some people I’m the queen of it. It can even come from too much honesty.
The first thing to do when there are issues, is to try not to get too caught up in it. Take some time away, and don’t respond to messages or emails right away. Responding too fast tends to escalate them. That’s easier to say than do, when it seems like things are erupting. Next think about it with a longer term view. Think what will matter 5 years from now?
Then look for the silver lining. Being cut off from some friends makes you closer to others. The emotion of losing a love can bring you closer to someone else you weren’t even expecting. And the end of one chapter is the beginning of another, even when you can’t see it at first. Two good friends were married and had a very popular room and it seemed like there was always a crowd of people and friends there. I remember after my two friends split and most people stopped going to the rooms, all of a sudden there were 3 or 4 weddings. It was almost like the music had stopped and the instability of the group made couples latch on and want to commit.
Relationships are built on shared emotions, and while it’s nice when it’s pretty and positive emotions, they can also be built if you share painful emotions together too. So when you see someone hurting, share their pain. Be there for them when everyone else runs away. And that next chapter, might just turn into something really awesome.
Because we all need reminding sometimes…
One of my best friends (Morgan) used my own advice against me today. But sometimes we all need to be reminded about how things workout over time in here with some patience.
When it’s happening to you, you can’t see that and it certainly doesn’t feel like it will get better but it does. You may need to be reminded too. I guess that’s one more parallel with RL. The down side is necessary because of the good, but what goes down must come up too. And no matter how horribly you are hurt in here it’s easy to start over and you will get better.
I know that and it wasn’t really that bad but believe me, we all need to be reminded of that sometimes. Thanks Morgan and thanks for being my friend above everything else. And remember even though it doesn’t seem like it right now, things recover faster in here than in RL if you let them.
Congratulations Cyndia and Macey Poena
Congratulations Cyndia and Macey Poena, married 11/28/11.
This slideshow requires JavaScript.
I tried something different and made a video of the whole thing in 1 frame per second, to make it manageable size wise. It’s a little jumpy and long, but you can watch the whole thing if you want this way at least.
Wedding Gifts
Usually I think it’s more thoughtful to give people gifts that show you know them and care. I like to find something that’s not on their wishlist that I think they’ll like. But a wedding is different and it’s actually more thoughtful to give a meaningful amount of credits instead.
IMVU Weddings are dirt cheap compared to even the cheapest RL wedding. But there are still a lot of things that they need to pay for and get. It’s not always easy to put things on your wishlist and then wait for someone to get them. It’s very helpful to give them the credits to use for some of the things that come up. Also realize that sharing this type of emotion and special time is what this place is all about.
There are occasionally exceptions for some people that have lots of credits and this wouldn’t mean much. In this case, doing something special for them that takes time and shows you care, means the most. For example I made the wedding vow videos for Gabby and Kim as a special way to contribute.
When one door closes three more open
It’s VERY painful when we lose great friends and close doors or have them closed on us. The highs are higher here than RL but the lows can be more sudden and deeper too. I think it’s because this place is built on pure communication and emotion. It’s very powerful but at times very painful too. But for the same reason it crashes so fast you can recover in here just as fast if you go out and try, or at least stay open to it.
I felt like I walked away from half my friends last week. It wasn’t actually that bad, just many of the friends connected to one friend and a room. I banned myself and had to let go of ALL the people connected there. I’ve seen some people do that and try to hold on, but I didn’t. I just let go and don’t watch the room or the people. I have seen people try to hang on and fight very hard to keep a relationship that’s already gone and it’s not pretty and it’s very hard on everyone. So I cried and said good bye and left.
A week later, I have a fun hangout place/pt job as a Hooters Girl at Hooter Lovers, I’m part of an amazing family, and I’m a personal slave for one of the best role players I’ve met in here. I always say it’s never boring in here, but it’s crazy how fast you can go from feeling alone, walking away from long time friends and conflicts, to feeling more connected and a part of things than I ever have in here. When one door closes another one does open. Sometimes three of them open even.
So the advice in this, what I learned, is that it’s painful to let go but sometimes that’s really the best thing. And if you do, just do it and move on and something new and better or at least less painful will come along.
Good IMVU Questions
IMVU Questions
- Why are they here?
- What would they miss most if it disappeared?
- What is your favorite RolePlaying Fantasy?
- Who’s the most successful person you’ve met at imvu, however you define it, and why? (I’ll give you a clue, that the point isn’t who they say but why)
- What advice would they give to someone new and starting out in IMVU?
You should also realize that these are conversation questions, designed to foster an interesting conversation. It’s not what they say that matters as much as that it creates an interesting conversation that lets you open up and get closer.
Many people are also a mix of things. You can have fun playing or want sex in any of the other higher levels too. And role playing can take on a lot of forms, from vampires, werewolves, and an endless variety of creatures and groups. Relationships can also take on much more variety in cyberspace and they often progress at internet speed as well.
Probably the pinnacle of relationships is the IMVU marriage (although marriages like everything else here, can take a wide variety of forms), which was a very foreign or surprising concept when I first saw it. Sure it’s a virtual world (or “game” for the cynical) but the people are real. And if you’re not ready for it, the degree to which these sexy little cartoon characters get into your heart, will surprise you. These are real people and they can really get to you, in a virtual kind of way.
An easy test to see what stage (or stages) you’re in is to ask yourself, if IMVU (and every alternative) disappeared tomorrow, what would you miss most? If you won’t miss much, you were probably still in the curiosity stage. If you miss the rooms, furniture, dances and clothes, you were in the playing stage. If you miss the sex it’s pretty self explanatory what stage you were in, but if you’ve been here a while you’ll probably realize that the most important thing is the relationships. That’s why I say that underneath everything else, IMVU is really about relationships.
IMVU Weddings
IMVU Weddings
That’s when you may find one of the real secrets to not just IMVU but life as well. IMVU is much more fun as a team sport. There is a wider variety of teams and ways to play here than you can possibly imagine. But the bottom line is that sometimes when you make someone else’s happiness your priority you wind up being more happy than you could have possibly imagined or done on your own.
Don’t try to explain any of this really deep stuff to anyone outside of IMVU. They’ll think you need to have your head examined. And when your soaring relationship crashes and fails, you’ll think you should have had your head examined too, but you still won’t be able to leave. Face it, we’re all crazy. Embrace the insanity and enjoy the ride.
IMVU Familes
Families on IMVU are among the strongest relationships. There is an extremely wide variety of different types of families, much more than real life. And they can be much more powerful and more rewarding than you would probably realize.
Today my very best friend got married to another great friend. It was one of the happiest days I’ve ever had on here. I introduced them a couple months ago and knew as soon as the idea first clicked in my head that they would be an awesome couple. What I didn’t realize is how attached much a part of this new family and what an amazing feeling that would be.
It is one of the most amazing and special things I’ve had the opportunity to be a part of in the crazy world of IMVU. It’s not something I can really explain totally even to people in here. The best thing I can say about it is that if you stick around long enough and have the opportunity to be a part of a strong successful family, you have to take it.
The Online Evolution Process
There are no rules, but we all seem to go through the same several stages as we progress.
1. It starts with curiosity.
2. Moves into Playing.
3. Sometimes stalls a while in Sex.
4. Role playing can be a complicated mix of things.
5. Ultimately Relationships become the key.
It’s important to realize that most people are a mix of things. You can have fun playing or want sex in any of the other higher levels too. And role playing can take on a lot of forms, from vampires, werewolves, and an endless variety of creatures and groups. Relationships can also take on much more variety in cyberspace and they often progress at internet speed as well.
Probably the pinnacle of relationships is the IMVU marriage (although marriages like everything else here, can take a wide variety of forms), which was a very foreign or surprising concept when I first saw it. Sure it’s a virtual world (or “game” for the cynical) but the people are real. And if you’re not ready for it, the degree to which these sexy little cartoon characters get into your heart, will surprise you. These are real people and they can really get to you, in a virtual kind of way.
An easy test to see what stage (or stages) you’re in is to ask yourself, if IMVU (and every alternative) disappeared tomorrow, what would you miss most? If you won’t miss much, you were probably still in the curiosity stage. If you miss the rooms, furniture, dances and clothes, you were in the playing stage. If you miss the sex it’s pretty self explanatory what stage you were in, but if you’ve been here a while you’ll probably realize that the most important thing is the relationships.
Does a virtual relationship hurt your real life relationships?
That was an important question for me, being married and very worried about affecting my real life relationships and family. I have to admit that it does a little. But what surprised me, was how positive that can be. It does occasionally hurt it a little when my virtual relations are struggling. But at least for me, the ups were much more pronounced than the downs. And they never really competed or seemed as mutually exclusive as I was afraid it might.
I often refer to the Las Vegas rules, meaning what happens here stays here, but there is an exception, and that’s the warm loving feeling you get from the the love you can’t help but feel here. My Love asked me recently if I thought about her when I was with my RL spouse. I said that I didn’t really picture her, but I did feel her and her love, not only with my RL spouse, but in every relationship I have in RL or IMVU. You can’t help but spill that amazing loving feeling you get into everything in your life. I try to hide the tears, and share the love.
So many things can go wrong.
Relationships grow faster in IMVU but they can also be very fragile. Your time availability may change, they get a new RL love interest, and all of a sudden you’re sitting here in DisneyWorld without your partner for the rides, and that’s no fun. Even just seeing them come in and not talk to you and not answer an invite can eat away at you and be incredibly painful.
Getting sick or even just having someone else in their family sick, can dramatically affect your relationships. The distance and detachment, makes it easier to talk about some things more than we do in RL, but that distance also backfires a lot.
You’re gonna get hurt
It’s just part of life. As the saying goes, what goes up must come down. And even a soft let down, will feel down and hurt compared to previous high you had. It’s not your fault. It happens to everyone. You really can’t stay on that kind of high forever. Take pictures, or videos and do your best to capture the feeling and memory of it. Try not to burn your bridges or make rash decisions when you’re going down. No matter how down you feel, you’ll feel better again too. What goes down also comes up. And the neat thing about IMVU is that you can sign out and spend time with your family and friends, or you can even discontinue the account and start over or walk away for a while if necessary.
Believe me, I can tell you this from personal experience and going through boxes of tissues. I can also tell you that walking away is hard, but it can heal faster than you realize or might expect too.
Making Relationships Last is the key
It’s easy to meet people and start new relationships in IMVU, but it’s also easy to lose them too. This place is FULL of distractions, and people just looking to cause trouble (called drama to make it sound acceptable). It’s kind of like trying to get your kids to study while they’re out of school, at Disney World. It’s also hard to impose real life rules on a world that’s not real, just like you can’t expect to behave like you do on vacation or even on vacation in Las Vegas that you do in your real life at home. IMVU is even further away and less real in a sense than a RL vacation. So take anything people say and everyone’s behavior with a grain of salt.
IMVU Cheating?
Is IMVU alright for married people, is a tricky and often difficult question. It’s not correct to say that every married person on imvu is cheating, but it’s also not correct to say that it’s never cheating. There are two factors you have to use to determine the appropriateness of a situation. The first is the precautions taken to limit things. Never crossing the line between IMVU and RL won’t seem like much of a big deal to single people but is critical for anyone married. You can take it a step further and not maintain any ongoing relationships with your spouse’s sex. It’s also important not to do things that reduce your desire for your spouse. If it’s adversely affecting the relationship, it’s definitely crossing the line.
The second part of the equation is how your spouse not only is affected, but will they look at it. How will your rl partner feel if they walk in at the wrong moment? Will they understand the difference and separation between real and virtual or what have they agreed to. The more communication you have there, the safe it is. Although that’s not always easy to do, and can cause issues and concerns too. You can get a divorce in most places now for any reason whatsoever. So the only answer or opinion that really counts is your spouses
Virtual Relationships
It’s kind of ironic that someone afraid to even talk to people when she started in here is writing about relationships, but I guess someone has to do it. And I’ve made enough mistakes to give a few good ideas. Besides, there’s really no obvious source of good information on this, so I guess this is a good as any place else to start.
Ashley & Diane (Blueixis & Mustangchic2) Married August 19, 2011
Ashley & Diane (Blueixis & Mustangchic2) were Married August 19, 2011. It was a beautiful wedding and they are a good couple.
