The human soul longs to be connected
If a computer is much more powerful when it’s connected to other computers and the brain is a computer, is it any surprise that people feel better the more connected to other people they are?
I see that so clearly in my 14 year old daughter that sleeps with her cell phone and myself in here. It’s kind of strange but whether it’s messages in my inbox here, yahoo messenger or comments on the website the more I communicate the better I feel and the more I want to communicate.
Imvu is just one more way you can connect with people. The surprising thing to me is how powerful the emotional connection can be. Another surprising thing is how it literally gets easier and to let your walls down, then of course how addicting it becomes.
You don’t want the drama from here in real life.
IMVU can be crazy, there’s no doubt about that. And as much as you might want real life, you have to be careful because if the craziness of this place spills over into your real life it can be very difficult to say the least. The emotions in here are so strong, love so free flowing, and the soap opera ness of it almost can’t be helped at times. The emotions are real but there’s a reason why real life is the way it is and why this place is the way it is too. Being the way you are in real life here isn’t easy and being the way you are here in real life will cause problems too.
Nobody looks down on anyone in here. In fact it’s quite the opposite. Your friends here are real people too and they love you and know you are a great cherished real person too. Don’t take the loving feeling we share here to be anything wrong or hurtful, it’s not at all. Remember that you can always take a break or leave and come back after a while. Hold on and put off any major decision until you’re not in the middle of the emotion but don’t be afraid to step back from the emotion.
How to handle IMVU Drama
We’re all people and as much as we try to share such good times and love with friends there will still be issues sometimes. We’re humans and unfortunately we can’t let people in with good emotions and not have bad emotions sometimes too. The good side here about feelings growing so quickly and feeling so wonderful can also go bad even faster sometimes and hurt even more than real life. We don’t have body language or other real life cues like you would in real life. So it can be easier to take something the wrong way. We also tend to fill in the gaps with positive things most of the time, but sometimes we imagine something to be worse than it is too.
Sometimes even a small little thing can be taken the wrong way and cause hurt feelings. And if you don’t address that properly you can hurt yourself and a lot of people for no reason. The first thing to do if someone hurts you is to walk away and don’t dwell on it. Don’t send messages about it or talk to other people and do NOT pulse about it. You may think telling other people will help but it may cause more damage than the original comment, both to you and to your friends. Sleep and or give it some time and then look at it with fresh eyes. Late at night it’s easy to keep going on about something but that’s the wrong thing to do.
The first thing to do is at least try to calmly talk to the person just you and them. A lot of things that seem like major issues can be resolved with communication. Give them the benefit of the doubt and at least try to talk it out. This place is built on and fosters communication but it also requires more communication to function than real life too. If that doesn’t work and you have no common friends you can just walk away very easily here. But if you have common friends you can NOT act like it’s just you and the other person or you will hurt and upset a lot of other people that you care about, which can be worse than the original incident.
Making the most Amazing Friends
Just like the way a blind persons other senses become even more sensitive to make up for it, in IMVU you can’t see the physical and there is no little things to get in the way, so you get better at sensing the non physical. I call this IMVU vision. It’s almost impossible for someone who hasn’t been here for a while and experienced it to understand I know.
You can’t see with your eyes so you have to learn to feel with your heart. I think that’s why we sometimes feel such a powerful deep connection and I even say this place proves there is a soul. These pretty pixels and words can get pretty powerful, to the point that I feel closer to friends in here than I do in real life.
I say than “friends” in real life because I kind if feel like the friendships are more real in a sense than the love, in here. Don’t get me wrong I do love the love too, which sounds funny to say. But it’s loving friends in here that is my favorite part. I’d say the best thing I’ve learned in here is to love with all my heart. And I honestly couldn’t put just one person’s pictures up for this one so I picked a couple (not all!) of the IMVU girls who I feel so strongly connected right into my heart. You’ll find your own people and understand when it happens to you.
Don’t quit just make a fresh start.
We’ve all made mistakes and felt like leaving once in a while. Even if it wasn’t your mistake, it could just be the people you were around. The biggest factor in how much fun you have here is definitely the people around you.
The good news is that you can change the people around you much more easily here than in anything else. I have to tell you it feels very painful walking away from people. It’s hard but once you do it you’ll be surprised how quickly you can bounce back too.
Unfriend them and remove the rooms from your favorites and walk away. You can always add a few of back later on, but you have to walk away to heal. In some cases you may have to block one or two people and maybe even change your name. Both of these things are very easy to do though.
Then go to the gym and workout to clear hour head. Get a good nights sleep and you’ll be surprised how good you feel the next day and how easy it is to make some new friends. Everyone deserves a second or third chance and we all make mistakes and have to move on sometimes.
Life Happens
We miss you and Love and support you
We’ve all been through times of change and disruption in in our lives when things just got crazy (in our real life) and our virtual life suffered. I think this falls into the category of “Life Happens.”. This is exaggerated by the way time passes in here and a month can seem like almost a year in here.
So it may seem like a long time in here but also realize that it’s during these challenges that true friends prove themselves and true love shines. So when when you see someone going through these tough situations embrace and support them and you will have a bond that nothing can break.
I wrote this for and in response to the post missing Kim who moved across the country and started a new job. Let’s see are there any other things we can change at one time?!! But it honestly hits a little close to home with my Holly too who is obviously going through things too. So I say this with a lot of tears in both directions, saying to everyone as much as to myself, to hang in there and know that love will overcome.
Being the Right Person
My IMVU sister, Gabby has had a tagline for a while that I really like. “A relationship is more than finding the right person…. its being the right person” I think that’s especially true in IMVU where you have the ability to be almost anyone you want. If you always wanted to be more assertive, all you have to do here is be more assertive. You can literally be anything you want. That is very empowering and therapeutic in a sense.
In real life you don’t get very many chances to totally remake your personality. In here you get to do that every day. So keep it real (which Gabby is the best at!), because making this feel real is important being human and down to earth is attractive too, but if there’s a trait or quality you wished you had more of in real life, make it yours. Be the real you that you always wanted to be! That’s part of the fun of IMVU. And no this isn’t just an excuse to say I love Gabby, but I do. ;-)
Avoid Drama from Pulse
Don’t get caught up in drama from Pulse. Pulse is ok but it’s easy to get caught up in drama there. There are enough issues flying around here to corrupt a convent full of nuns. Sonya suggested that you know the reason why you’re here and avoid all the drama and crap in here. Keep it fun don’t get distracted. By the way SonyaPinks is an amazing Mesher especially if you like Rave outfits.
Friends don’t hurt their Friend’s Relationships!
Making friends and sharing with them is one of the best parts of IMVU. But your relationships are the most important things in here, and the worst things you can do to anyone in here, is hurt their relationships. So you would think it wouldn’t be necessary to even say this. Unfortunately though it does happen. I had to walk away from someone I thought was a friend that hurt my relationship with someone I loved. She flipped out and attacked me like I was her mortal enemy for even mentioning what she was doing in private.
Unfortunately this seems to be a pattern too, as she seems to be doing it to several of her friends. It’s one thing to have some intimacy with your friends, but it’s something else to demand that to the point of getting between them and their partner. She would freak out if anyone did to her what she’s doing to her friends. Having sex with your friends can be really great and very powerful, but the friendship shouldn’t be based on or require sex, at least not for a girl. It’s always wrong to even go anywhere near hurting your friend’s relationships. Unfortunately when someone is wrong they tend to attack the messenger, so I’m sure in for it, but in a twisted way that proves the point.
Families come in all shapes and sizes
I am almost always at my limit of 100 rooms in my favorites, but sometimes I like to pick the weirdest or scariest room I can find and just explore and see what they do or what it’s like. It’s fun to dress appropriately and role play and see where it goes. The fun is that you never know what you’re walking into. I walked into a room recently called the empire of the blade and it was one of the most fearsome demon filled rooms.
It’s fun to do things that are outside of your comfort zone though, and I was actually quite impressed with the family orientation of the group. Sure they like to eat small animals, but they were a very nice group of people. And when I asked them what advice they’d give someone new in here, I got equally family oriented advice, that boiled down to “Find a good family you trust, and then don’t cross them.”
I think I also recognized a pattern. The more extreme a group is, the more family oriented they tend to be. There are definitely a lot of extremes in here but it’s very interesting to see that even demons can be so family oriented.
The most rewarding thing on Imvu
I have only been here 1 year and two days and it’s been fun in so many ways I can hardly begin to say. There are a lot of great things about it but by far the most personally rewarding thing I’ve done in IMVU is to introduce two people that I love who get married.
I say this because it sounds a little odd even for imvuv to say I have a new girl friend and then say a week later she’s getting married to another friend. But that’s what happened and it’s wonderful.
Thats why I’m so fantastically excited to announce the engagement of TamaraTaste and AllysonBlackRose. I couldn’t possibly be any more excited or happy for them or love them both any more.
Virtual Marriages on IMVU?!
Virtual marriage is a crazy concept to anyone new here. Being married in real life, I was probably more afraid of it than anyone. I made one of my rules that I can’t possibly do that. In some ways it sounds silly in such a free crazy place to want to make that type of commitment. Don’t worry we all think that. Just have a good time and play it by ear.
Just don’t be surprised if you wake up one morning and realize that is the only way to describe what you feel. About the time you realize what’s happened, you’ll also realize that it’s really not making a commitment, so much as acknowledging how you feel and the commitment you already have. That’s how this place sneaks up on you. That’s when you’ll turn around and realize how beautiful it is and that you suddenly want to do this very badly for your partner. And honestly it doesn’t have to take away any of the emotion from your real life marriage or relationships if you keep the worlds separate.
Remember, you can’t see the connections people have
MacePoena had a gave me a good tip. She and her twin have a special connection. that people often don’t realize. So when you walk into a room or see someone come in, just realize that there is often more there than meets the eye. You can’t tell whether the person you just said hello to is married to the other person or even people in the room and how connected people are. You also don’t know what issues they’re dealing with.
There are a lot of levels of conversations and connections in a busy room. The people there may have very deep history and connections with each other and they may also have sore spots you don’t see. So proceed with care and realize that the pixels are fake but the people and relationships behind the pixels are real and aren’t usually as simple as they appear on the surface. Honestly this is an area where sometimes I have to improve personally. I talk a lot and I guess that increases the odds that you’ll screw up.
The most attractive quality is LOVE.
I recently met an amazing new friend and learned something or was reminded of something, very important. The most attractive quality anyone can have in IMVU or real life isn’t a certain look or even something with pixels. The most attractive characteristic someone can have is love.
In some ways it’s tricky because you don’t want to scare them or make them think you’re a stalker by coming on too strong. The right amount of love might also vary from person to person. But we’re all ultimately looking for love and can’t help but be attracted to a person that gives it to them.
I actually wasn’t even looking for love at all, at least not from anyone new. I have a lot of great friends here already. I have a wife, a family, some tremendous friends, an Alien Mistress, a couple cuddle buddies, and a whole slew of friends. Yet I have to tell you, the depth of Tammy’s love and passion bowled me over and makes my head spin. So wear your heart on your sleeve in here and share it as freely and purely as possible. The more you give it away, the more it’ll come back to you.
The difference between men and women
It’s no shock that men and women are different. But alot of people may not realize the differences in how they cyber. These are only generalizations so they don’t apply on an individual basis. The simplest way to explain it is that guys have sex and girls make love. Again that’s probably not a news flash.
Guys like poses and voiceboxes because they are more visual oriented and need to see and hear it. They also tend to want real life pictures much more thsn girls which I admit i dont get at all being married irl. Girls on the other hand can stay in the same kissing pose and do it all with words. I think this is why girls love romance novels and guys like porn. I think this bcause whats sexy to guys is the physical and whats sexy for a girl, especially on here is the partners mind. Girls can also talk more about their heart and love where guys talk about… well they just don’t talk as much cause they’re typing with one hand.
Love also takes longer and takes more than just a sex room. And can’t they put more cuddle and kissing spots?! Its funny though because both sides have their pluses. A heartfelt love is way beyond even good or great sex, but by 2 or 3am sometimes I just want sex too. But back to the topic, the reason you want to know and understand the differences is that it will make you a better lover and help you get what you really want too.
Kait’s new word: Framily
Framily is simply when you start out as friends and end up as family. It’s one of the best kind of relationships. In IMVU you’re not born into a family. You don’t automatically get one. You have to chose them and they have to chose you. It’s family by choice which is what makes it more special in a sense.
Sure there will be issues and some drama. It wouldn’t be a family without that. But you’re a family so you stick together and make it work, because in the long run your loyalty to and love for the family trumps the issues and makes the difference.
Look for the silver lining in drama
SweetSorrow84: No matter how messy or hurtful a situation may seem, there is always something positive and good we can get from them and we should always let go of the bad and keep the good.
Whenever you’re dealing with people there are conflicts and issues that arise. You can’t let in people without it. You can try to minimize it and make rules against it, but it will still happen. You will say something that upsets someone at some point. If you ask some people I’m the queen of it. It can even come from too much honesty.
The first thing to do when there are issues, is to try not to get too caught up in it. Take some time away, and don’t respond to messages or emails right away. Responding too fast tends to escalate them. That’s easier to say than do, when it seems like things are erupting. Next think about it with a longer term view. Think what will matter 5 years from now?
Then look for the silver lining. Being cut off from some friends makes you closer to others. The emotion of losing a love can bring you closer to someone else you weren’t even expecting. And the end of one chapter is the beginning of another, even when you can’t see it at first. Two good friends were married and had a very popular room and it seemed like there was always a crowd of people and friends there. I remember after my two friends split and most people stopped going to the rooms, all of a sudden there were 3 or 4 weddings. It was almost like the music had stopped and the instability of the group made couples latch on and want to commit.
Relationships are built on shared emotions, and while it’s nice when it’s pretty and positive emotions, they can also be built if you share painful emotions together too. So when you see someone hurting, share their pain. Be there for them when everyone else runs away. And that next chapter, might just turn into something really awesome.
Because we all need reminding sometimes…
One of my best friends (Morgan) used my own advice against me today. But sometimes we all need to be reminded about how things workout over time in here with some patience.
When it’s happening to you, you can’t see that and it certainly doesn’t feel like it will get better but it does. You may need to be reminded too. I guess that’s one more parallel with RL. The down side is necessary because of the good, but what goes down must come up too. And no matter how horribly you are hurt in here it’s easy to start over and you will get better.
I know that and it wasn’t really that bad but believe me, we all need to be reminded of that sometimes. Thanks Morgan and thanks for being my friend above everything else. And remember even though it doesn’t seem like it right now, things recover faster in here than in RL if you let them.
Congratulations Cyndia and Macey Poena
Congratulations Cyndia and Macey Poena, married 11/28/11.
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I tried something different and made a video of the whole thing in 1 frame per second, to make it manageable size wise. It’s a little jumpy and long, but you can watch the whole thing if you want this way at least.
Wedding Gifts
Usually I think it’s more thoughtful to give people gifts that show you know them and care. I like to find something that’s not on their wishlist that I think they’ll like. But a wedding is different and it’s actually more thoughtful to give a meaningful amount of credits instead.
IMVU Weddings are dirt cheap compared to even the cheapest RL wedding. But there are still a lot of things that they need to pay for and get. It’s not always easy to put things on your wishlist and then wait for someone to get them. It’s very helpful to give them the credits to use for some of the things that come up. Also realize that sharing this type of emotion and special time is what this place is all about.
There are occasionally exceptions for some people that have lots of credits and this wouldn’t mean much. In this case, doing something special for them that takes time and shows you care, means the most. For example I made the wedding vow videos for Gabby and Kim as a special way to contribute.
When one door closes three more open
It’s VERY painful when we lose great friends and close doors or have them closed on us. The highs are higher here than RL but the lows can be more sudden and deeper too. I think it’s because this place is built on pure communication and emotion. It’s very powerful but at times very painful too. But for the same reason it crashes so fast you can recover in here just as fast if you go out and try, or at least stay open to it.
I felt like I walked away from half my friends last week. It wasn’t actually that bad, just many of the friends connected to one friend and a room. I banned myself and had to let go of ALL the people connected there. I’ve seen some people do that and try to hold on, but I didn’t. I just let go and don’t watch the room or the people. I have seen people try to hang on and fight very hard to keep a relationship that’s already gone and it’s not pretty and it’s very hard on everyone. So I cried and said good bye and left.
A week later, I have a fun hangout place/pt job as a Hooters Girl at Hooter Lovers, I’m part of an amazing family, and I’m a personal slave for one of the best role players I’ve met in here. I always say it’s never boring in here, but it’s crazy how fast you can go from feeling alone, walking away from long time friends and conflicts, to feeling more connected and a part of things than I ever have in here. When one door closes another one does open. Sometimes three of them open even.
So the advice in this, what I learned, is that it’s painful to let go but sometimes that’s really the best thing. And if you do, just do it and move on and something new and better or at least less painful will come along.
Good IMVU Questions
IMVU Questions
- Why are they here?
- What would they miss most if it disappeared?
- What is your favorite RolePlaying Fantasy?
- Who’s the most successful person you’ve met at imvu, however you define it, and why? (I’ll give you a clue, that the point isn’t who they say but why)
- What advice would they give to someone new and starting out in IMVU?
You should also realize that these are conversation questions, designed to foster an interesting conversation. It’s not what they say that matters as much as that it creates an interesting conversation that lets you open up and get closer.
Many people are also a mix of things. You can have fun playing or want sex in any of the other higher levels too. And role playing can take on a lot of forms, from vampires, werewolves, and an endless variety of creatures and groups. Relationships can also take on much more variety in cyberspace and they often progress at internet speed as well.
Probably the pinnacle of relationships is the IMVU marriage (although marriages like everything else here, can take a wide variety of forms), which was a very foreign or surprising concept when I first saw it. Sure it’s a virtual world (or “game” for the cynical) but the people are real. And if you’re not ready for it, the degree to which these sexy little cartoon characters get into your heart, will surprise you. These are real people and they can really get to you, in a virtual kind of way.
An easy test to see what stage (or stages) you’re in is to ask yourself, if IMVU (and every alternative) disappeared tomorrow, what would you miss most? If you won’t miss much, you were probably still in the curiosity stage. If you miss the rooms, furniture, dances and clothes, you were in the playing stage. If you miss the sex it’s pretty self explanatory what stage you were in, but if you’ve been here a while you’ll probably realize that the most important thing is the relationships. That’s why I say that underneath everything else, IMVU is really about relationships.
IMVU Weddings
IMVU Weddings
That’s when you may find one of the real secrets to not just IMVU but life as well. IMVU is much more fun as a team sport. There is a wider variety of teams and ways to play here than you can possibly imagine. But the bottom line is that sometimes when you make someone else’s happiness your priority you wind up being more happy than you could have possibly imagined or done on your own.
Don’t try to explain any of this really deep stuff to anyone outside of IMVU. They’ll think you need to have your head examined. And when your soaring relationship crashes and fails, you’ll think you should have had your head examined too, but you still won’t be able to leave. Face it, we’re all crazy. Embrace the insanity and enjoy the ride.
IMVU Familes
Families on IMVU are among the strongest relationships. There is an extremely wide variety of different types of families, much more than real life. And they can be much more powerful and more rewarding than you would probably realize.
Today my very best friend got married to another great friend. It was one of the happiest days I’ve ever had on here. I introduced them a couple months ago and knew as soon as the idea first clicked in my head that they would be an awesome couple. What I didn’t realize is how attached much a part of this new family and what an amazing feeling that would be.
It is one of the most amazing and special things I’ve had the opportunity to be a part of in the crazy world of IMVU. It’s not something I can really explain totally even to people in here. The best thing I can say about it is that if you stick around long enough and have the opportunity to be a part of a strong successful family, you have to take it.
