IMVU is an insane place that’s all about chatting, dancing, meeting new people, beautiful sexy cartoons, shopping, sexy clothes, strip clubs, sexy poses and parties of every description, and of course lots of sex, all in a reasonably safe virtual way. The real secret that some people never figure out or that at least takes a long time to figure out, is that under all that, imvu is really about relationships. The variety of relationships in IMVU is as vast and diverse as the two million people from over 80 countries.
Virtual relationships here can also be amazingly powerful and develop much faster here in this crazy world than in real life, without all of the distractions and nuisances of real life. Unfortunately I couldn’t find any frank real world advice about IMVU or virtual relationships. So after talking about that long enough I decided it was time to try to put something helpful for the IMVU community together. I don’t work for IMVU or even know anyone that does. I just Love IMVU, and this is just one crazy MILF’s random collection of thoughts and experiences in here. I like taking pictures and making videos of IMVU and try to keep most of the more adult things in a Private Section with passwords, but there are a lot of Imvu Girls here and many of the images are pretty sexy and geared toward an adult audience.
I hope you enjoy it and I’d love to hear your comments or feedback. IMVU User Name: Kaitlyn (send a message before Adding me as a Friend)
As I get ready for Thanksgiving I know we’re all real busy with the holidays, but I also have to apologize. My time has already been getting shorter and shorter for the past month or two but I’ll be extremely busy with some pretty big work things in real life for the next month. I’ve kind of dreaded and avoided the reality of the things coming up in real life for several months because I knew IMVU would have to go or suffer for a while. So I’m apologizing ahead of time.
Hopefully by or a little after Christmas things will get a little easier. But in the mean time it’s not you, it’s me! I’ve already kind of slowed down on my posting for the past couple months. I’ll try to continue to do some here or there but this is one of the things I’ve had to adjust. I’ll still try to be on most nights for a while but that’s mostly with family, because even if I have to play a lot less, I can’t live without my friends and family. I may end up getting on later and having to head to bed at a more reasonable time. I wanted to tell you because if you don’t see me around as much and when I am, I’m not available as much, it’s honestly not because I don’t want to talk with you, but unfortunately I probably can’t. I wanted to say it here so you knew it wasn’t just something I was telling you.
Do NOT worry about me though, because I’m definitely NOT going anywhere. I love my life and friends here but sometimes we have to do what we have to do, and real life sometimes does get in the way. We all have seasons and things change, but Imvu is flexible and it’s never been better for me.
I dislike imvu drama like most people. But when you have relationships with real people it doesn’t feel real unless you share some of the ups and downs too. You don’t have much drama when you just wander through rooms and just meet new people randomly all the time. The more you open yourself up and connect with people the more at risk for drama you become.
Life is a struggle, we all have ups and downs in real life. Unfortunately the only way to avoid the downs is simply not to go up. I know that sounds a little silly and may be overly simplifying it, but it’s the truth. Falling in love requires opening yourself up and tearing down walls which also makes you vulnerable.
Enjoy the ups, there are actually more positive things about imvu drama than negative things though the bad things can be extremely intense. Sometimes we have to step back and get some space. Take a longer-term view and don’t react or beat yourself up too badly or let anyone else.
If this feels like a roller coaster too much get off and take a break, or just go back to the bunny slope. The bunny slope is just the things you used to do earlier when you first got here. Maybe it’s shopping, or maybe it’s making some new unrelated friends or just hanging out with people who are safe and you don’t have any issues with.
I know it’s hard to stay on track when everything is falling down around you and even the smallest thing can really mess you up. Just try to remember that it’s only temporary and don’t overreact and it will get better.
That’s a line from the movie, La Femme Nikita, but it’s also important to remember in here too. Sometimes no matter how close you are, no matter how in love you are in here, little things can come up. And it’s amazing how such a tiny little thing can change or affect your mindset. Maybe it’s because this is so much more emotional and in your head, that even a small attitude change can sometimes change your feelings and affect your relationships in here more than you realize.
I know little things start big fights even in real life, I understand that. But I kind of think that little things can somehow cause more damage in a virtual relationship then real life. Maybe it’s because a real-life relationship has more momentum, more baggage, more dependency and routine to it, and that makes it more consistent, even if it’s not as much fun sometimes.
So what do you do or how do you handle these little bumps that come along and keep them from getting you off track? The answer is Communication, Openness, and Love! (though not necessarily in that order) I don’t just mean that in general, they are really the answer, along with just taking a deep breath sometimes.
The point is though that you have to be more careful in here, because these little things can disrupt and hurt even the best relationship more in here then they do even in real life. And ironically, sometimes the strength of the relationship is what makes you susceptible to disruption if it comes from the person you have your walls down to.
Also realize that, sometimes the little ripples give you a great chance to prove yourself, and strengthen your relationship too! A relationship is in many ways the sum of all the emotions you shared, and sometimes sharing this type of emotion and being there for each other definitely does make you stronger.
So remember, love them totally. Communicate and be honest about how you feel, listen a lot and focus on their intentions. Focus more on the bigger picture and love even more! We all make mistakes or just say or do the wrong thing sometimes. Sometimes things just come out wrong. These things are going to happen. But when you both want the same thing, being open sharing and loving your way through things is what makes this so real, so intense, and so special!
One of the most amazing things about IMVU has got to be the happiness. I never realized or expected to be so happy in imvu. I don’t think anyone would ever expect to be this happy. I don’t see people being this happy in real life short of someone winning American Idol or maybe Hue Heffner or someone like that.
I know everyone can’t possibly be this happy. If they did nobody would leave. Oh wait, people don’t leave. Well some do but it is pretty addictive. I also realize that as good as it feels if things go wrong losing something that good is extremely painful. It’s not just the love that makes you feel so good but that’s definitely a big part of the intensity in imvu.
Reading books, watching movies or going to parties is fun. But no other hobby makes this type of connection or has the potential to make you this happy. And interestingly it doesn’t matter what your real life is, or what’s happened to you in the past, at all. Just having the potential to be happier than you’ve ever been in your life is really special. Stick with it long enough to experience some of this. I promise it’s worth it!
The same thing is true for Halloween. It’s fun for kids but I don’t tend to do that much myself for it. But in here costumes and dancing are easy and fun. We’ve had a great time at my and Allys birthday party, and a few fun nights for Halloween too.
It’s definitely fun to keep changing and playing (and taking pictures). Put up decorations (which you can find by visiting a few rooms and looking at their inventory) and make up a few costumes (which you can find by looking at the Daily Outfit Challenge or shopping in the catalog) and invite friends.
And a room is a actually easier to do than most people realize too, and it makes such a big difference. And if you can’t or don’t want to make one you can literally find just about anything! You can also just put up a few decorations in your regular room in about two minutes. Look around at other rooms and pick out a couple things and have fun with it!
Some new features of this messaging box are that you could read what you have sent, you could easily see which messages are new, and there’s an ability to be able to send a message to multiple people simultaneously. I think the new system makes it a little easier to send quick messages just to stay in touch with people you talk to regularly.
This new messaging will be only available for your “inbox” on the website while your “inbox” remains unchanged in your 3D chat client. IMVU will be change this experience at a later date which probably sometime in the first months of 2014.
The new messages tab has a brand new look, a preview panel on the left and a detailed view panel on the right. You can click on the “New Message” link on the right side to initiate a message. You can click on a message seen in the preview panel to read it in its entirety in the detailed view panel and respond. It also has a yellow triangle on the top right corner for messages you have received but haven’t opened yet in the preview column.
There’s another new benefit of the messaging panel. You can simply archive a message that you no longer want in your Inbox. It is not deleted but archived and you can move it back to the inbox if you choose to do so. No more accidental deletion of messages. Though I find it doesn’t seem to archive or hide them for me in Chrome.
I always had some trouble with messages on my iphone, but the old system at least worked. The new system doesn’t work for me on my iphone. I have to switch back to the old message system to be able to send messages on the webpage with my iphone.
With the old inbox can you easily see if someone’s online by the green Check Mark sign near the profile picture of the sender of a message. You can’t tell if someone’s online with the new inbox unless you click on their picture to open the card. The other difference is it’s harder to edit things with the new inbox because you have such a small typing field.
The worst part of the new messaging inbox to me though is, when someone sends a group message it doesn’t show up at all in the old inbox. This was how I missed Kait’s “Birthday Party” which Katy and Susan organized for her… sighs.
So don’t be mad at people when they do not reply to a group message with the new messaging feature. It could be possible that they are using the old version instead of the new version and didn’t get the message you’ve sent him/her. So it’s not perfect but I think this is a step forward and I’m very glad that they’re working on and trying to improve things. Hopefully they’ll continue to address these things and have it all fixed real soon.
In any case, keep messaging, whether you use the old or the new version or only send messages in the 3D chat client. IMVU is about connecting and messaging is an important part of that and can definitely help you keep in touch with important people.
Loves xxx Wendy
I talk a lot about the good things in IMVU but what are the downsides? First and foremost, the biggest downside for many people is that it sucks up so much time. It’s a great feeling and a lot of fun when it’s going well and it’s easy to let that suck up more time then you probably should.
The next downside is probably more painful. That’s the intensity, especially when things go wrong. Things happen very fast in here, and when they go wrong it can often be even faster and more intense then real life.
Another thing you have to watch out for is assuming this is more than it really is. This isn’t real life and although it’s exciting to imagine it as real it’s a danger and not something to be tried lightly. I think there’s also a danger, especially for young people to take the things and lessons and attitudes from here and let them spill over into their real life.
No discussion of the downside could be complete without talking about the Darkside. IMVU Definitely has a dark side. There are a lot of really bad people and anonymity seems to empower them. There are child molesters and people that you would never want your children anywhere near. The freedom here is fun but it can also be dangerous if you aren’t careful too. The corporate attitude also tends to be anti user at times.
All that being said it can definitely be the most exciting and amazing thing ever. So watch out for the downsides but go for it.
In IMVU Since no one is technically having any actual physical contact, watching can be just as good as doing anything. But the trick is that you have to feel connected and really know the people, to feel a part of it and to empathize with them.
Watching random people is fun to some degree and you can learn little things from them. But just like passion is more powerful with people you feel connected to, watching is also more powerful with people you are connected to.
Empathy is also an important thing. Empathy is the ability to relate and put yourself in the other person’s shoes. To do that you have to know the other person well and be able to relate and understand how they think. That way you’ll be able to understand and relate to what they feel too.
Listening is also easier in some respects. It takes the pressure off of you having to respond and narrate and write what you’re doing or thinking. I do like to talk and describe something sexy, because it makes me feel more. But when you are watching, you just don’t have to write or type anything. You can just think it and enjoy the show.
One other less obvious thing, that makes it more fun to watch, is an element of control. If you are able to push the person you’re watching and tell them what you want them to do, it makes it even more exciting even if you are just watching. That plus a little bit of whispering here or there can make it very sexy wonderful and fun to watch!
I have a great life, and love my family and my husband tremendously. I try hard to my real life first, all the time. We went to a farm and got pumpkins rode a horse and did the hay maze. Kids are good and make you stay focused to some degree. This just fills in in between and seems to be good for me at giving me a little bit of the fun that real life sometimes lacks.
I don’t want to talk to much about my real-life sex life on here because I don’t know who will eventually read it. But just because real life comes first, that doesn’t mean that the passion here is any less real or intense. Another way to say it is that, just because real life comes first, doesn’t mean that this is any less important to me.
It didn’t start out this way of course, but it does grow on you. This isn’t addictive because it’s painful. I think some people have problems because its so good and so real. People also run into problems letting or wanting it to be more than just virtual.
It’s not hard to believe I guess that a fantasy could be fun or addictive. It can be literally anything you want, and you do have to keep real life first but this can be absolutely amazing and so much fun!
When it’s really important with someone… sometimes it’s better to wait! In here it’s literally all in your head. That means it’s literally as powerful and important as you make it. So sometimes a little bit of extra time and effort, especially for your first time with someone important can make a huge impact.
That doesn’t mean it’s not exciting to get swept away with something spontaneous. I definitely enjoy that a lot too. But sometimes when it’s really important like someone you’ve known for a long time, having to wait and let it build up a little bit longer, making you both a little bit crazy, can make for awesome fireworks!
It’s important at this point, when you have to put it off, to write a very good note explaining how much they mean and how you’re looking forward to finally being able to spend more time together. Again because so much of this is mental, and in your head, building up a little bit extra emotion and excitement only adds to the intensity.
It’s also nice if you can plan a special date. Calling it a date in here also makes it a little bit more special. We tend to have a lot of different random encounters but most people don’t get a “date” very often. So try to schedule this final one in advance and even send them something special to wear with a note about how much you’re looking forward to it. You aren’t going to do this with everybody obviously, but when it’s important and you want to make that amazing first impression it’s the build up and the little things that make all the difference.
If you have a child or dog and you punish it without without explaining what you are punishing if for with unspecific rules and do it inconsistently, they can’t improve and will only grow to hate or resent you.
If a teacher graded your paper and didn’t mark what was wrong but just said something was wrong so you fail, how would you know and do any better next time? Sure sometimes you may know what it is. But their rules are intentionally vague and they don’t tell you what you did wrong on purpose so you can’t dispute anything.
To make it worse, imagine if you were failed out of the course if you got three things wrong. They don’t tell you what was wrong, just that you failed. That’s pretty much what they do. They are the judge, jury, and executioner and they don’t even have the courage to tell you which vague rule you broke. Oh and of course there’s no appeal process.
They can and do, absolutely anything they want to, to anyone they want at any time. And if you are banned, they don’t give you your credits back, they just keep them, essentially giving themselves an incentive to ban their users.
It’s the most insane process I think they could possibly come up with. I understand the need for rules and the need to enforce the rules. But this insane way of enforcing non specific rules it’s as if they are trying to intentionally alienate and destroy their users. You are presumed to be guilty and there’s no way to know what violated the rules let alone any way to appeal it. I worry because I don’t think any business or organization can last with this attitude. Even if they don’t go under someone has to be able to do a better job and pass them.
I don’t say this because I’m upset at IMVU. On the contrary, I say this because I love this place and it hurts me to see practices that are hurting it especially when they are done by the people in charge. Make sure you backup your friends and contacts and keep an open mind to other programs too. To me this is the biggest weakness and drawback to the overall good IMVU system.
Sorry I haven’t updated in a while, been busy with school and rl like everybody. But this article in the NY Times this week caught my attention. The punchline:
Rutgers University …scientists have repeatedly had female volunteers put their heads into giant machines and focus their attention on erotic fantasies — the scans reveal that the pleasure centers of their brains light up in ways indistinguishable from everyday orgasms
Women who simply thought about the stimulation of their breasts and genitals, the scans revealed, lit up the brain’s corresponding sensory areas.
I guess it is just nice to know there is a scientific basis to the feelings that many of us share on imvu. That we’re not crazy for thinking that sex here can feel as good as and even be better than sex in rl. These studies don’t even include the most powerful part of imvu, which is achieving all of this with the participation of a partner, the best of whom can stimulate with surprise and intensity, and penetrate deep into your heart and mind with emotional contact and intimacy.
Also in the article:
Men are mentioned occasionally. But sex researchers have found that the novel type of autoerotism shows up mainly in women.
I have mentioned in the past that women have more mirror neurons than men, the neurons that allow us women to feel more intense empathy also allow us to feel things we see on imvu as real.
Which maybe excuses and explains a bit why it is so hard to find good male partners on imvu. Poor men, they don’t know what they are missing.